You know that old trick boys use to get out of spending on Valentine’s Day, where they pick a fight days to the D-Day, and walk off in a haze of anger, only to return a few weeks afterwards, crawling and begging to be accepted back? You do remember? It’s the stuff of legends.
That was Sandra’s story around this time last year. She was in limbo, boo-less as they say, few hours to Valentine’s Day, as her then boyfriend, Bidemi, who had before that time, been all over her in their then 8 months of relationship, picked a fight for no just reason and before she knew it, he had walked out on her, and for a while, Sandra thought she was dreaming. She wasn’t the type of girl men dumped. She was the one who did the dumping with her previous relationships, so it took a while for it to sink in that a man had actually dumped her, and worse, it had been few hours to Valentine’s Day.
It was as though someone put a knife through her heart, given the pain she felt that day. The next day, which was Valentine’s Day, it was a Sunday, she got dressed, went to church for service, where the married folks in her church had a field day showcasing their love. That only served to remind her of the fact that she couldn’t boldly say she had a boyfriend again, and at her age.
She, however, knew going home to stay with her siblings and mother wasn’t going to work. The questions would be too much, so from Church service, she headed straight to the mall close by and had a long day watching movies, after which she got something to eat and bought chocolate for her siblings and mom.
The gifts she brought home fooled her family into thinking she had gone out with her beau. Sandra didn’t try to state otherwise. For that one day, she accepted whatever conclusion they came to.
So, you can imagine her surprise later that night, when she got a message from the man who dumped her the previous day, saying, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” Sandra didn’t dignify the text with a response. And the messages pleading for forgiveness continued. She never responded to any of the messages and soon, they stopped. He started showing up at her house instead. When she had embarrassed him twice, he got the message and stopped reaching out to her.
As I write, Sandra is engaged to be married in less than a month. Effectively, without sugar-coating anything, she was single during last year’s Valentine’s Day and choose the path of self-protection and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Even though Valentine’s Day itself has gone, remember it was a week day and loads of couples will be treating themselves at the weekend, so these tips will still come in handy for the unexpectedly singles out there, and the ones who have been single for a while. And let’s not forget those who can’t truly define what their relationship is all about.
If you really think about it, self-love is intuitive. It is natural and comes when disappointment comes.
So, ladies and gentlemen, if you find yourself single at this time, choose to make Valentine’s Day less about romantic love and more about the love of self. Realize that you are beautiful, right now, even as you are single,
Sure, I know that going out to eat by yourself is different than going on a date, but is that any less reason to do it?
If the idea of this makes you uncomfortable, then all the more reason to go for it! Sandra did, even though the mall was filled with couples and she was alone, heaven didn’t fall.
Buy yourself a gift
That purse you’ve been wanting, or those shoes you’ve had your eyes on, go and buy it/them. The book you been dying to read or that video game that you dream of playing, now is the time to buy it.
You will be so busy being excited for your new purchase that you won’t even notice all the insanity about Valentine’s Day and its celebration. You have something to celebrate for and look forward to as well.
Try something new
Do something that you have never done before. Of course, hopefully this is legal and not dangerous. But try something new. Maybe go for Indian food for a change, or that Lebanese takeout place you’ve been meaning to try.
Do something that is out of your comfort zone. Maybe try to eat a healthy meal. If you have not exercised in a while, maybe today you can change that. If you’ve always wanted to channel your inner artiste, now could be the time to set up that easel. The options are endless.
Just don’t sit around moping.
It is a day of love, celebrate love!
Valentine’s Day is not just for couples to share their love; it’s for everyone to share love. You can spend time with your best friend, and show how much you love him or her.
Your mother or father or even your grandparents can be your Valentine’s date. It is a day to express love after all.
Love is beautiful and it will make your day to show your love for someone.
By the time, you are doing all of these things, you won’t even feel the day go by, because you are busy. The thoughts of your singlehood might creep into the day but don’t dwell on it. You won’t be single forever.
Single or not, stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.