It would not have hurt that much if he had treated his marriage, the way most of his friends did. To them, marriage was not that serious a matter, the way he had taken it. Often times, they told him to relax and join them in their usual exercise of picking up girls, of drinking, not to mention having a regular girlfriend on the side apart from their wives. It was a favourite past time of his friends. They had the cash to spend, the time and they were definitely motivated to seek for their pleasure outside their homes.
David was not a saint,he did all these while was single, even up to the time, he was actively dating his wife but he had promised himself that he would never have extra marital affairs and would never seek a divorce. He meant it when he said, “till death do us part.”
He had so many discussions with his then fiancee on the matter that she wondered if he was not actually preparing for a divorce, even before the marriage started.
David was not exactly to be blamed. He was a product of divorce. He had watched divorce wreck his family and turn his parents to bitter enemies. Being the oldest of four siblings, he understood the role of extra marital affairs in the demise of his parents’ marriage.
That informed his choice of friends and lifestyle; he wanted to sow all his wild oats while he was still unmarried. And he did make sow some. He made moves. It was one of those moves that brought Biola into his life.
She was a friend of one of his friends, she was outgoing, but not in your face kind of person, which was the only way, she could have been friends, for close to two years, with this particular buddy of David; he could try the patience of a saint with his unending arguments.
For the first two years after they met, they remained acquaintances. However, things changed on David’s 30th birthday party to which she was invited. It happened to be the 31st day of December. He asked her out and she accepted. The New Year became a new beginning for them.
A year later they were engaged and some months down the line, they had the wedding of their dreams. It was quite unbelievable that the play boy had finally settled down. David had achieved the status of a ‘responsible’ man.
The young couple had the world practically at their feet; money was never a problem, as they both worked in organizations, which paid good salaries. They were in love with each other and for a while that was all that mattered.
Except it wasn’t any longer. An interloper had come. It was in the form of their mutual friend, the same one, through which they had met. He thought, it was as usual, that his friendship with Biola would remain unchanged but David wasn’t having none of those. He realized that his jealousy, where his wife was concerned was on another level.
The day, he came home and met his friend in his sitting room gisting with his wife. Mehn! He saw red. All manner of thoughts crashed into his mind; he wondered if his friend had now all of a sudden, taken interest in his wife; just because she was now married and thus a soft target. At least that was what married women were, when he was sampling flesh.
The expression on his face that day made Biola ask their mutual friend to leave before her husband came back to the sitting room. It was a perplexed friend, who left their home that day. He too wondered, if he was so bad that his friend would not trust his wife with him. But on a lighter note, it would provide fodder for discussion, when next the whole crew met; David didn’t like another man looking at his wife. They could talk about that for hours.
When David came back into the living room and met the absence of his friend. He visibly relaxed. And life became brighter and lighter. Competition had left. David was one man who showered his wife with attention, gifts and other things that most women can only imagine, but Biola started to feel caged, as any sign of attention from another man, it did not matter, if it was family, friends or neighbours, triggered her husband’s fury. He hated it and that was the cross of their marriage.
He stifled life out of Biola, it was so bad; she personally chose to withdraw from people rather than go through the embarrassing scenes that most often followed such attention. David’s fear of being cheated on had killed the man in him and turned his marriage into a lie.
Instead of enjoying his beautiful wife, he had become a spy agent, ensuring she did not cheat on him, which will ultimately lead to a divorce, the fate he most dreaded.
Feel free to take a deep breath now. Upon closer scrutiny, you will find that David was more afraid of himself, of being divorced, his past behaviour than whether his wife was being unfaithful to him.
Relationships can bring out the worst traits in people. Intimate relationship brings with it a certain level of comfort but it also comes with a mirror, which reflects back to us all our well kept secrets. David would never admit that his parents divorce had such an impact on him but it was a deep seated fear of going through that process that had earned him the title of the jealous husband.
As it is the case with most people, one can look into the mirror and refuse to admit to admit some deep truths about oneself but your relationship forces you to see the truth in the mirror, because no matter, how you try to hide it, a healthy relationship will make you admit some home truths to yourself and bring to light, your dark secrets.
This should make you re-appraise your past relationships and instead of seeing them as bad, the other person’s fault that it did not work out, you should instead look at it, from the angle of what home truths about yourself, it taught you.
David is yet to learn anything from his mirror: his marriage. I just hope that it will not be too late then. Because, it is only if we have been able to navigate the dark places of our lives that we have moral justification to admonish others.
If you love yourself, you will tell you the truth.