A young widow, Tolani, whom I only knew upon the death of her young husband, got married over the weekend in a very quiet ceremony. Honestly, I thought it was a burial, because of the constant mentioning of her late husband’s name.
In fact, her family said they were not the ones to give her out in marriage, as they had done so before and the family of her late husband now had the privilege. So they were present for the handover.
After all the noise and drama, I couldn’t help but feel that Tolani was simply being made to feel bad for being alive and wanting to move on with her life. She loved her late husband of three years and never entertained any thought that he would have died so young, leaving her a widow even before they could have their first child.
Well, it had happened and it’s time to the next phase of life for Tolani. It took a lot get to this stage. It took eight long years for her to get married again.
Amidst all the tears after her husband’s death, the superstitious folks wondered if there was no spiritual connection to the death. At a time, Tolani wondered why men were not approaching her if, indeed, she had a hand unknowingly in the death of her husband.
But when she met Oliver, all those thoughts flew out of her head. She fell in love with this man, who was the exact opposite of her late husband. He was also smitten with her. He pursued her vigorously, even when he was told she was a widow.
Oliver Twist, as she came to fondly call him, first sought her friendship. When she accepted, he asked for more, he wanted to date her. When she accepted, he asked for more, he wanted to marry her. Tolani was floored. Her first proposal from the first serious boyfriend in 8 years. Wohoo, great news.
If he had his way, they would have gotten married the next day but knowing her family, she asked that they follow due process. Due process took them almost one year and then three months to plan the wedding.
But at last, they are now married.
Michelle is a much older widow and found it extremely difficult to date again, but she had promised her husband she would; she said, “My husband and I talked about how important it would be for each of us to find a new partner, if something happened to either one of us.
Unfortunately, it was as though our conversation predicated his death months later, as he was killed by a hit and run driver, while jogging at night. It was a tough time. I wanted to devote myself solely to caring for our kids, but every time, I remember his insistence that I find another partner.
Honestly, no one appealed to me, until I met someone. I met Jubril and the dates and anniversaries we have in common were just too much to be mere coincidence. He was a widower and his late wife’s birthday’s was on the same day as the day my husband died.
We have a huge appreciation for love, relationships, and fully understand how short life is. It is important to take the chance to love again when you find a great partner because hearts can expand to love more than one great person. Finding a widower provided me with someone who understands the ‘new’ me.” I don’t think, it would have worked out with a never married guy.”
Seyi lost her husband of a month to cancer. Before that time, they had dated for two years and a few months. After he proposed, he was diagnosed with lung cancer but his doctors felt that he could survive, because it was caught early.
The sad part was, although it was caught early, it grew aggressively, attacking other organs of his body; chemotherapy left him drained and almost dead.
Somehow, he survived miraculously. The cancer was in remission and he would be closely monitored. Not wanting to lose any more time, Seyi and her late husband headed for the marriage registry and they officially became man and wife.
They took a honeymoon and it was on the honeymoon that he started to complain of pain. They cut short their trip, so he could see his doctor. It was bad news galore afterwards. The diagnosis just grew worse. Every day, she was visited with more news of another of his organs, about to die. He literally died internally, even before death came and Seyi was there to witness it all.
She cried and then she stopped crying. She became stoic, accepting her lot and wavered between anger at herself, for marrying him and joy that she had an opportunity at this rare gift of love.
For months, Seyi was viewed as very vulnerable, because she didn’t cry. She did nothing, just lived and every one was scared to leave her alone. What if she broke down and did something senseless?
When her family saw that she was living as though there was no chink in her armour, her mother begged her to see a therapist. She agreed and it took a number of visits before he got through to her and she opened up.
After that, she went religiously and only started dating after her therapist gave her the go ahead. She didn’t trust herself on that ground yet. “I realized that my ex will always be special to me. He will always hold that exact spot in my heart and no one will ever change that.
However, just one year after meeting Kelvin, we were married. I love him for being Kelvin And he allows me to love my ex just as I did. We have been married more than three years and have a beautiful 6-month-old son. It is possible to have two places in your heart for two special people.”
Phew!!! Interesting stories of getting another shot at love and having it end in happily ever after.
If a widow or widower decides to seek a new partner after the death of their loved ones, they shouldn’t be made to feel bad. Rather encourage them, as long as they are emotionally ready to take it on and if they would rather not respect their choices.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.