One of my buddies, Ben when he started dating his girl, he was spending lavishly on her. He was prepared to spend the weekend in a different city and have drinks at fancy lounges at least twice a week. He really went out to impress her but then the word, posh best described her. She was a very articulate and upwardly mobile young lady with an enviable income, which showed in the cars she drove, the clothes she wore, even where she lived.
Ben was not doing badly for himself, in fact, they were perfect for each other, however, there was a problem. He wanted to impress her from the very beginning but after a few months of dating, the dates dwindled to times spend in their respective homes; just chilling.
By the time she was the one suggesting they went out to see that movie, to go to the new resort that just opened right here in the city, to have dinner out, it pretty much felt like she was forcing him to go out with her and thus spend money on her. But she dare not offer to pay, that would have led to a catastrophic situation.
In the very early days of their relationship, when she had tried to pay for her half of a meal at a restaurant, he had gone so cold on her, she feared him and when he spoke, he asked her to never insult him like that again. From then on, although she always had her credit card with her, she had never used it while on a date with Ben. If she so much as looked at a product twice in a mall, Ben was heralding her in its direction and offering his debit card.
So, she took to doing all her shopping alone, so Ben does not get the idea that she was with him for his money, which she actually enjoys spending. But you know why she enjoys it? It is because she had her own and could go and do her own thing without asking him for a dime; an idea that, my buddie, Ben did not like but he learned to live with it. Truthfully, Ben’s girlfriend did not date him, because of his money; it was just a welcome bonus. If he had no money today, she would gladly put down her money for them, if his ego would allow him accept it. So it was never about the money but their connection, money merely allowed them to have more experiences together.
When Ben’s girlfriend finally accused him of not taking her out again, because he was tired of spending money on her and told him that she had her own money, which she could spend. While angry at her tirade, Ben told her that, he merely felt they had done enough of the dates and outings and they could move to a more matured level in their dating life. Well, obviously, his girlfriend did not get that memo; she still wanted to explore her environment.
And it is so true, they had started with great dates and outing and all of a sudden, it was drying up, of course, if were the lady, I would certainly complain. Before you think this is a post meant to make a case for the gold digging ladies, relax, this is a guy to guy talk.
Probably, when you first met your girl, you had no qualms about spending on her, just as Ben did, you wanted to take her out to places, see movies, have ice cream, go on 3D adventures, have dinner, do all sorts of thing, all of which boil down to Naira and Kobo but you never minded spending.
After a while, you want to spend time at home, watching television or just chilling like old married couple, even if you are not. But, the romance had mellowed by now. And so has the amount of cash you spend on her mellowed. Not that she is complaining especially if she earns her own income and can actually afford all the treats you have been showering her with.
At this stage, everything had become monotonous to you though. You can’t be bothered to spend money to listen to same music, eat familiar food, have same drinks and see same people but incidentally, you are gingered up whenever your fellow men ask that you go out and money is not a consideration.
However, you know what, ladies also like to have fun, they like to try new things or have repeat experience of some things they had enjoyed in the past. After a hard week of work (or exams) it’s nice to de-stress with a few glasses of wine. Or when she’s on vacation, it’s relaxing to take an out-of-town trip. And sure, she should be independent, but being independent doesn’t mean she should always go out with her girlfriends because you can’t afford to take her, and being independent certainly doesn’t mean she should perpetually foot the bill for the both of you.
If you were to be frank, you would realize that to live comfortably, money is required and makes a lot of difference in the scheme of things, so would you blame a lady if she prefers the guy who can provide some of the better things of life to the one who can’t do so. This is not about being materialistic. It is simply a matter of instinct to want the best of life.
And this is not to rubbish the quiet intimate times, you and your partner spend in the house watching TV and cuddling, those things are very important in cementing a relationship but it is only when there is a relationship that any strengthening of it could be done.
Let’s be real, any girl would love an ambitious man. His ability to take control of situations, his drive to be successful, his sense of responsibility are a big turn on.
To clarify, when you have just met a good woman, she doesn’t expect you to have money. That’s not why she’s dating you. And of course, she will stay by your side during the difficult times. But at some point, you need to fulfill your potential and aspire to improve yourself in your profession. Because if you love her, you would work very hard to ensure that, together, you can enjoy life, be able to spend a weekend out of town without stressing over whether your budget can take the hit, to ensure that, together, you can provide for your children.
So, guys, a lady says yes to both love and money, she’s thinking about enriching your life with the experiences you would have together.