It was nothing new but it still hurt just the same way it used to. As usual, I fell in love with another player. I knew all the usual signs; he was too smooth, he always said the right words; the ones that made me want to do his bidding. The words, which made me swoon at his feet. They were all on the tip of his lips.
You see, I could recognize a player from afar off but it did not stop me from being attracted to them. Sola was just the latest one for me back then. He was the only guy that had showed any interest in me, two months after my break up with Emmanuel. And oddly enough, he knew that Emmanuel and I had broken up, because they lived on the same street and were street buddies. We had gotten to know each other when I was a regular visitor to Emmanuel’s place.
When we accidentally met at the shopping mall, he was really solicitous and even offered to pay for what I had bought which I refused. That only made him keener in pursuing me. He got my number that day and called later.
We got talking and the flow was smooth. He asked me out and I accepted. He was not bad looking and besides, we could talk for hours at a time, which was important to me but at other times, he would disappear for days, not calling nor picking my calls. That happened at lot over time, now I know it was because he was seeing the other girls he had on a string just as I was.
The only time, he ever offered to pay was that time we met the shopping mall. No such offers came again. I was always the one paying; on a date, he would have conveniently forgotten to bring his ATM card along or the money he had was not enough. Oh! He had lots of excuses for whatever situation we were in at a time and I just brushed them all aside.
I knew I wanted to be loved. It was my fault that I fell for his ilk over and over again. Don’t I deserve better? I hung my head and cried over my loss and perpetual attraction to losers. Anyway, like before, I promised myself that I was going to abstain from dating until I knew exactly what I wanted from a relationship and had articulated my ideal man’s image. But it was different this time; I wanted to keep to my promise. This pain was much; I didn’t think I could take it.
It was while I was till moaning my situation that my bestie came with another story, that was a reflection of my life, another lady had fallen for the wrong guy and would not leave him. She would rather die in a relationship that was abusive than leave.
The lady in question had been dating the boyfriend for one year and two months. Yes, I asked for specifics, even in my tears. They had been dating for that long and for the last six months, the guy’s preferred mode of correcting his girlfriend was by beating her.
It did not matter, whether it was over a big or small matter, he would beat her up, bruise her lips and gave her black eyes, all of which meant, she became a regular patient in the hospital, where she paid her hospital bills and went right back to beg her boyfriend for offending him, thus making him to beat her. That was the height of the madness for the lady.
The latest beating had resulted in her having two blackened eyes. Her lips were split opened, she spent two days in the hospital but while he was beating her, she kept saying no one should stop him from beating her.
Everyone was surprised and asked her if she wanted to die. That was when, my friend said the most shocking thing I have ever heard, “she said, he would not kill her because he loves her too much to kill her.”
My friend had to tell me to close my mouth, I forget my pain, my broken heart and I wondered at what type of suffer head this girl was that she would measure her boyfriend’s love by the fact that he beats her. That’s sounded like she was thinking upside down, don’t you agree?
In my mind, I went, “Thank God, I have never met anyone of these men who beat up their girlfriends.” But just as that thought came to my mind, I realized, we were really in the same boat. We were all attracted to men, who treated us like dirt.
This issue of attraction is the main culprit, ladies attracted to losers often know that the guy in question is not good for them but will go ahead to date such men because, well, they are familiar, we know their type, even if that type is nothing to write home about, they just date the type, even marry the type. As they say, the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. Unfortunately, the result is only heartbreak and pain better imagined.
When deciding to enter a dating relationship, we tend to focus on positive feelings about the partner, while often failing to disregard or acknowledge warning signs or red flags as to why this relationship won’t work. Well, I surely did that and it looked like the lady mentioned by my friend did the same thing.
Well, I’m have recovered from my broken heart, articulated the image of my ideal man, married him but those thoughts still rear its ugly head once in a while.
My consolation is I know I’m no longer that girl.