Kelechi and his girlfriend, Gina have had so many fights over his homies; Gina simply doesn’t like them. She is cool with Kelechi being friends with them, but she simply doesn’t like hanging out with them much. A lot of times, the topics they bring to the table puts her off and she finds herself having one or two arguments with some of them. She also feels they do not like her, because they sometimes act cold towards her, and that doesn’t help her warm up to them either. Kelechi’s ex girlfriend Silvia always loved to hang out with Kelechi’s friends; they all got along fine, and it was as if she was one of the homies. Kelechi liked that mix very much, because it meant he could spend time with his girlfriend and guys at the same time, and have fun with everyone. He also got a confident boost whenever his friends paid Silvia some compliment. She was a trophy girlfriend and he loved to flaunt her.
Gina on the other hand, is not as outgoing as Silvia, and prefers to hang out with Kelechi alone. “I don’t drag you along when I am going to the spa or the movies with my girls, do I?” she would often ask her boyfriend. “But Silvia liked hanging with the boys, I don’t understand what your problem with them is” Kelechi would retort. Comparing her to Silvia always rubbed Gina in a bad way and she often came on strong, all claws out “then go back to her, if she was so perfect Kelechi. Your friends don’t like me, I don’t like them. That doesn’t mean it has to come in between our relationship!” With that, she was sure to storm out of his house, and leave Kelechi wondering how he was to balance these two important aspects of his life. He loved Gina deeply, but he hated hearing his friends say they prefer Silvia to her, and he having to explain that she is such a great person, only that she is introverted and very private. “I just wish Gina could give herself a chance to like them” he thought to himself.
One of the most delicately challenging aspects of a relationship is balancing your friends and girlfriend. If you are lucky to have them all get along, then great! If however, they do not enjoy each other’s company and you have to see and spend time with them separately, then you are in a dicey situation which could bear severe consequences if handled poorly. Your friends would not stick around much longer if you consistently bail out on them, and you might end up single soon too, if your girlfriend feels you spend more time with your homies than you do with her. Ultimately, it takes time management skills to strike a balance. The people in your people deserve your time; so you have to sort out time fairly. Below are some tips that can help
1. Quality time over quantity time
Make sure the time you spend together with either party is quality time. In other words, when you’re with your friends, don’t spend the whole time talking with your girlfriend on the phone, and when you are with your girlfriend, don’t spend the entire time text-chatting with your buddies. It’s no use if you are hanging out with your buddies but you are distracted half the time, or on a dinner date with your girlfriend, and it’s so obvious that you would rather be watching a game with your guys. Respect their feelings and make the time out a quality one. Obviously, you need to see your girlfriend more than you see your friends, but even if you hang out twice a month and you make it worth it, your friends would not complain. Your girlfriend would also have no qualms with you hanging out with your friends if you also make out some quality time for her.
2. Plan time with each party
Your friends have always just called you up when they’re in the mood to go out. Meanwhile, your girlfriend has started assuming that you’ll be spending every weekend together. The problem is that both parties assume that you can just drop everything and hang out with them. In an effort to balance your friends and girlfriend, a little planning goes a long way. It may seem officious or uptight, but scheduling will help you make the most of your time. Compromising can also help you get by; for example, if you agreed to spend an entire weekend with your girlfriend, but one of your friends just got back into town and wants to hang out on Saturday night, I am sure your girlfriend would not mind if you promise to return home on time, and actually do return on time. You just got to make her understand that she still means the world to you, but you have to be there for your friends as well.
3. Don’t treat her as your homie if she doesn’t want it
No matter how much you want it, your girlfriend isn’t your homie. She might not know how to play video games or enjoy watching sport highlights on Sunday nights, so don’t force it on her. Know when to show up alone and when to come to a guys hangout with your plus one. If someone is celebrating some event, then girlfriend can tag along. If you are just meeting up to drink beer, talk sports and politics or play video games, unless your girlfriend is naturally a sport, then leave her at home. Just imagine how annoying you would feel if you were forced to sit through some salon and spa treatment with your girlfriend and five of her friends! You would feel so awkward and out of place, right? Plus, your girlfriend can get so caught up with their gist that she forgets all about you totally! That’s how your girlfriend feels when you tag her along to hang with your homies when she would rather wait for you at home, and catch up on Empire or Scandal.
It takes a lot of wisdom to keep both parties happy and ensure that neither your friendship nor relationship suffers, but with the tips above, you are sure to have a smooth sail. Take care guys