I remember back then in the University, one of my friends, Eniola always had serious fights with her boyfriend, because of his bestie. She couldn’t understand why her boyfriend would need another female friend when he had her, and frankly, neither could I. The boyfriend tried to explain that he goes way back with this bestie of his (can’t remember her name now), and that he cannot compromise their friendship simply because he was in a relationship. But Eniola’s pain was from the fact that it seemed Bolaji’s bestie was more important to him than she was; like if he had to pick either of them, it was going to be the bestie.
She hated when she was at his place and dear bestie came calling, and then bestie and Bolaji would go on for hours chatting about stuff that Eniola had no idea about. Whenever, they were all together, she felt like the third wheel because Bolaji had been friends with his bestie for over five years, while she was only starting to know him. In Bolaji’s defense, he tried to get both girls to get along, but dear bestie who noticed that Eniola didn’t like her much, fanned the flames of Eniola’s jealousy even more. She showed up at Bolaji’s place when she knew Eniola was around and was sure to take so much of his attention that Eniola would pretty much carry her things and return back to the hostel.
It wasn’t long before they both started a silent competition, with Eniola demanding for more and more of Bolaji’s time and bestie also doing same. Eniola wasn’t the sort of girl who believed in cooking and cleaning for a mere boyfriend who had not put a ring on it, but the day she popped up at Bolaji’s place to find his bestie cooking jollof rice for Bolaji and his friends, the game changed. She watched silently as Bolaji’s bestie chatted happily with all the guys like she was a homie, while spicing up the food that was cooking. Eniola offered to join her, but she said she had it all handled.
Eniola refused to eat the food, feigning a food stomach, but the way the guys praised the cooking made her tummy turn. From then on, she started cooking and cleaning for Bolaji, until she knew she couldn’t keep up anymore. It was like being a co-wife to a man, and competing for his affections. She could no longer deal, so she broke up with Bolaji. Not surprisingly, Bolaji soon started dating his ‘bestie’, but they had a messy break up just before we graduated.
I remembered Eniola and her Bolaji saga when I went to visit Tolu at home and one of her friends who also came to visit was complaining about being jealous about her boyfriend’s bestie. “I knew from the start that Becca came with the deal when I started dating Femi, because he confessed to me that most of the tricks and romantic gestures he used in wooing me were tips from her, and I know they have been close for a very long time, but I hate feeling like I am the third most important woman in his life, right behind his mother and Becca!
Every woman wants to be number one in her man’s life, but I am fine being number two, right after his mother. I hate knowing she comes before me, and that he goes to her for advice before coming to me”. In this lady’s case, I suggested that she makes the bestie her ally! You know why? The bestie is obviously in support of the relationship and even gives the boyfriend tips on how to treat his woman. I could use a bestie like that, you know! Most men are clueless about romance, so having a good female friend tell him what to do and how to make me happy would definitely be a welcome development.
If your boyfriend has a bestie that has been there for long, chances are you are not yet important enough for him to ditch bestie for. If you sense any bad blood from bestie towards you, maybe you should leave them alone and find peace elsewhere. But if she comes across like a good sports and maybe has a relationship of her own, then get to meet her, hang out with her and get her to love you. You know when boyfriend is angry at you, she is the one he would complain to; so it definitely helps to have her as an attorney, explaining to your boyfriend how he should see things from your angle, how women interpret situations and how to make up with you. Trust me, if she is your ally, you would be getting lots of fancy dinners and special treats. You can also report him to her whenever he is out of line, and she can help you call him to order. He sure respects her and doesn’t joke with her advice, right?
No relationship can survive without trust. Don’t get jealous of her, just because she is a woman. He chose you! He chose you!! Yes, they share a deep level of friendship, but you are the one he has intimacy with. If he wanted to be with her, you wouldn’t even be in the picture. Understand that a man sometimes has things that he can’t share with his homies, nor his girlfriend; that’s what female friends are for. Plus, no man wants to feel as though he doesn’t have a life just because he is in a relationship, so he is free to keep female friends. Don’t go asking ‘what do you need her for’ or ’why can’t I be your bestie?’ because you would only be causing needless rift in your relationship. AS your relationship progresses, your boyfriend would be able to confide in you more and more, until you become more than a best friend to him.
However, if you are usually not the jealous type, but this bestie-business rubs you in a negative way, then maybe you should investigate further. Our instincts are super trustworthy, so if you are feeling uncomfortable, then ask questions and do a little snooping. Do they have any romantic history? How do they act around each other, like siblings or ‘I wish I had you’ type of thing? If the bestie doesn’t like you for no reason, or your boyfriend never tries to get you guys to meet; then you should be worried. If you notice that one or both have feelings for each other, then bolt my dear. Otherwise, in an ideal situation where your boyfriend’s bestie is simply that-a bestie; then you have a lot to thank God for.
Jacy is a single mom in her late twenties. She works as a brand strategist in a Communications & Brand company during the day and as a writer at night; when she is not helping her daughter with homework or drawings. She is cheerful, friendly and spiritual. She is currently not in any relationship but she has a few love interests. Her world revolves around her daughter, church, movies and her career.