“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because, if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”
Never in her life, would Ngozi have thought it would happen to her. But the table got turned on her with her holding the tail end. Jide dated Ngozi, a fine babe, fair skinned beauty, who lived on the mainland of Lagos, while he lived in the suburbs of the city; he was still hustling as they say in Lagos. They were also dealing nicely with the issue of theirs being an inter-tribal relationship, as her parents had strong objections against their relationship but they were still together after two years. So there was hope that they would eventually head for the altar.
But you know what? They hardly ever saw each other. Now you wonder why. They lived in the same city, why not? Well, Jide says, if he must see his girlfriend of two years, then he has to go to her place or better still, if he wants her to come to his place; then he has to get a taxi that will bring her to his house and take her back later on. She never felt comfortable in public transport and did not own a car.
That was how they have been managing their relationship, until Jide got in touch with his ex. No, it was not on purpose. She had just lost her father and it was mentioned on social media, he sent her a consolation message and that was the start of a relationship that he thought he had left behind. All of a sudden, they had become a threesome, instead of the nice twosome they were, except that one person did not know they had become a crowd.
Ngozi carried on as before, not knowing the status quo had changed. All of a sudden, the time she and Jide spent together became practically none existence. She would call him to come and pick her to his house, but all of a sudden he was busier than the bees.
It was not until she decided his excuses were enough that she boarded a taxi to his house on a weekend and saw that the other lady had practically moved in with her man, wearing his boxers around the house and little else. You can imagine her shock but it was almost too late.
What was Jide’s explanation for cheating, he did not want to hurt the other lady by telling her not to come and visit him, as her father just died and she was vulnerable. Remember, she was his former girlfriend, so from mere visit, it progressed to more.
He had not told her, he was in a solid relationship, merely said that he was seeing someone but that it was not serious. And he did not want to hurt Ngozi too by mentioning he was going to be having his former girlfriend as a weekend visitor.
In his bid not to hurt either lady, he ended up hurting both of them and in the end; he had to make a choice, Ngozi forced him to and he chose the side chick, who he had been spending more time with in the last two months. For a while she refused to talk to him too but she later calmed down. After another one year of courtship, they got married.
Ngozi still nurses a deep sense of betrayal against Jide and all men. She felt she had given him her all but obviously, Jide wanted more, he wanted her to come to his place of her own free will, which she was not doing and the expenses on taxi were not easy on his pocket. So as soon as a new girl appeared on the horizon, who showed more interests than his main chick was doing, he went for her. That was his mindset.
Nowadays we know that a side chick is a norm for some men, and there are ones who have managed to make it into the main chick role, because they gave to the man, what he has been missing in his main relationship.
This is not to excuse the man as being a mindless person, who lets things happen to him, he is a very active participant in the whole process of having a side chick and that side chick becoming the main one, if jazz is not a factor.
The truth you should know is that all side chicks, no matter, whether, they act happy or not, they want to be the main chick, the one who gets the most of his attention, time and money. But you and I know that having a trio of these from a man at the same time is a tough one especially, if you are not in the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
So, some tips to get you your heart desire, that change in level you have been craving for and I have decided to call them the four As of transformation from side chick to wife:
First of all, avoid any situation that will warrant you having a serious conversation with him. You have watch it too many times on television, how it is always the woman outside, who would never fight him or talk anything serious unless he wants to tell her and then, the best you should do is nod and makes sounds that shows you are listening. That is all he really cares about, someone to listen to him. His main chick can stir up all the trouble she can muster.
Another thing you shouldn’t do is, ask questions. That should be really simple to do. You know all the standard questions like ‘where are you? Who texted you? Why are you not picking my calls?” avoid them like the plague, be the girl who accepts what she is given without questions, because you will receive more.
Always, always look your best. From your clothes to nails and hair must be on fleek! Your make up should be on point. Whatever the look you are trying for, get it down pat, else someone else might begin to catch his eyes or even the main chick might begin to look more attractive than you are. Now, we wouldn’t want that. We want you as the main chick.
Avoid any conversations about the main chick. What is your business with her? Face the goods you want to buy and forget the noise of the market. Honestly, for your own peace of mind, the less you know the better for you and your blood pressure. The more you know about the main chick, the more, you are likely to want to meet her. And that is a deal breaker. Anyway, when your guy notices that your curiosity over the main chick is getting too much, he will close his mouth and you will hear nothing again. Importantly, you have started to turn yourself into an ex-side chick. Again, main chick is the goal, just in case you have forgotten.
That’s all for now, if you know of more ways, kindly share and let’s keep moving the ministry of our sisters forward, until, it gets to the permanent site.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.