When I first saw “complicated” on a friend’s relationship status on social media, I was like, “Abeg, which one is complicated again oh?” It used to be single or married, you are either in a relationship or you are not. How can something so simple become complicated again?
Well, in today’s world, everything is complicated! Not all relationships are as simple or straightforward as before. Some situationships are also being mistaken for relationships, so, of course, the only befitting relationship status for that would be complicated.
While I don’t see what is complicated in this particular friend’s (Sharon) relationship, I will let you decide whether it is truly complicated or plain hanging on to a good thing turned bad. I have only known this guy with Sharon, since I have known her, and they were a cute couple, with everything going well for them.
They had their fights but also had plenty of PDAs to douse the tension. Theirs was a normal couple’s relationship, until the news filtered in that James had gotten a girl pregnant. I was like, “Huh!!! It can’t be true! James couldn’t possibly have done that. Where did he have the chance to go and be shagging another girl?”
It was until I went to Sharon’s house and saw her swollen red eyes that I knew what I had heard was true. I was angry on her behalf that day mehn! If I had seen the scumbag, scrawny James, I would have hurt him bad. It was not only Sharon’s dreams that he had cut short, it was also our dreams of asoebi and bridesmaid duties. Sorry, I’m going off tangent, but I also thought about that part too.
However, all thoughts of asoebi and floral gowns flew out of my head when Sharon, through her tears, wondered how come she had never gotten pregnant for him, not even once in their two years of relationship, and there had been countless times they had done the deed unprotected.
Another friend and I were like, “Is that what is important right now? That you did not get pregnant for him? You should be thanking God you did not oh!” It was as though we only added fuel to that fire. She started to talk about how she ought to have gotten pregnant, even if it was just once, if there was nothing wrong with her.
Perhaps if she had, James would not have been tempted to go looking for another woman to get pregnant. Honestly, her logic escaped me, but she wasn’t done. Sharon said, she was going to see a doctor the following Monday to check herself out to make sure everything was fine and then start trying to get pregnant for the cheating James.
At that point, my cool left me completely. “You want to get pregnant for who?! And become baby mama number 2?” I couldn’t deal and that was the end of our discussion that day. I couldn’t deal with Sharon going back to James, to go and beg him to take her back and then start having sex with him, just so she could have a baby with him.
While, I understood the fact that she was not getting younger and had already spent two years with this guy and feared starting over again, the part about loving him with her whole life, in spite of his cheating debacle, I still thought she was doing herself a major disservice to go back to him.
The outcome of her decision is the complicated relationship status on her social media page. Her boyfriend’s baby mama has since given birth to a baby girl, whom he plays the doting father to. Sharon is the unofficial wife, who has packed her bags to James’ house, without a ring on her finger, just so the baby mama would not come in, although she disagrees with my line of thought. By the way, she’s yet to get pregnant, and time is still going. I wonder when she will wake up, smell the coffee and realise that it might never turn out the way she wants.
Here are three more reasons, I think, it will most likely never turn out the way she wanted.
- The relationship lines are blurred
The truth is Sharon cannot technically say, she’s in a relationship, hence the complicated status. They are not technically together, even though they are living together.
For me, they used to be, or maybe they will be later on, but for now, James and Sharon are not an item and it’s a sore topic between us, which is why we don’t talk about it much. But does that mean Sharon can see other guys, while James is playing Daddy? Hmm, heaven will fall on her head that day.
You see, people want to be casual and totally cool with dating other people, which is sustainable until they see someone with whom they spend a lot of time in the arms of someone else.
Then, they want to be cool and casual while also strangling someone at a bar until the police have to pry them off.
- Someone can, and usually does, end up getting more emotionally involved
It’s natural when you’re spending a lot of time with someone, especially if that time is spent being intimate. You tell each other that it’s not a serious relationship, and you are positive that isn’t what you want right now anyway.
It might even have been a serious relationship, until things went haywire, like it did with Sharon and James. It did not matter that James had breached her trust, all that mattered to Sharon was holding on to a dead relationship. She is too emotionally invested than James and that might not bode well for her.
- You can keep each other from other relationships, which creates resentment
Even with all the talk about where will I start with another guy, assuming other guys come along, Sharon has not lacked for male company. She has toasters, yet she has turned a blind eyes to all of these toasters, setting her cap only on James, who’s having the best of both worlds; regular sex without commitment with Sharon, a doting daughter and a baby mama, who worships the ground he walks on.
Let’s just say, I’m waiting for someone to wake up and see other guys. I’m sure in the quiet moments when she feels alone, it crosses her mind that she may have let herself walk away from opportunities for real relationships.
This will eventually create a sense of resentment, both for yourself and your partial partner.
So, that’s her story. Do you think it is complicated or plain straightforward, as long as a certain someone wakes up and smell the coffee.
Nothing is complicated as long as you shine your eyes.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.