When he says ‘get pregnant before I marry you’

 

They were having that argument again…she wanted the ring, he wanted a bump. Sharon was tired of fighting this battle with her boyfriend, and she just couldn’t understand his obsession with her getting pregnant. Caleb wanted her to get pregnant, so he could be sure that they were not going to have fertility issues when they get married. Lots of marriages are torn apart by the woman’s inability to get pregnant, I just want to save us that stress he often said to Sharon. The first time he brought it up was when he told her about a cousin of his, whose wife had fertility issues and the strain it was causing in their marriage, because of the monies spent on treatment. I think we should get pregnant and be sure none of us has issues; he had said. Sharon knew that suggestion was meant for her, because Caleb’s ex-girlfriend had terminated pregnancies for him in the past, so she was sure that he wasn’t in doubt of his ability to get a woman pregnant.

Sharon thought it was the first step to getting hitched; maybe, if she got pregnant, they were going to hasten the wedding plans. When she made her thoughts known to Caleb; he informed her that his plan was for her to get pregnant and terminate it, as he wasn’t financially ready for a baby. He just wanted to be sure that when they were ready, pregnancy wouldn’t be an issue. Sharon had sleepless nights over this suggestion; it was one thing to fall pregnant by mistake, and another to get pregnant on purpose and then terminate the pregnancy! What if she injured her cervix in the process of termination; she was sure Caleb wasn’t going to marry her if any of her organs had issues. But Caleb said the baby was going to be terminated early, with drugs..so no harm would come to her cervix. Okay, what if the baby refuses to be flushed? She had heard of strong babies who resisted every attempt to terminate them, and determinedly entered into the world. She sure wasn’t ready to raise any child without a father, and Caleb didn’t seem committed enough.

couple-fight (1)

So she tried to put off the matter and asked Caleb to put a ring on it whenever he made attempts to get her pregnant. Question is, how long was she going to continue like this? A man that is asking you to get pregnant before he talks marriage is putting conditions on your relationship; and it shows that he isn’t ready to stick it through thick and thin with you. Marriage is a bed of roses, but roses come with thorns. There are ups and there are downs. I have seen women who got pregnant for their boyfriends, and then they got married, but lost the baby and tried to conceive for years before they finally got pregnant again. As expected, since the foundation of the marriage was built around procreation, the center could not hold for long. Another marriage broke up as the result of the infertility, but she got pregnant in her second marriage. There are those, who got the baby but the stress of waiting told on their relationship, and their marriage was on rocky grounds. They however, patched things up and endured each other because of the child, and the ones that came after him. Ten years down the line, the woman is unhappy and the man keeps a mistress.

When a man makes it obvious to you that he is marrying you, solely for the purpose of procreation, have it at the back of your mind; that you are simply going to be a baby factory; the woman who bore his children…not a wife, not a life partner, not a soulmate. And it would eat at your soul, it would diminish your self-esteem and you lose every sense of self-worth. Peradventure getting pregnant gets difficult, you can be sure that he would kick you out of the house or take another wife in your stead. You can be sure that he would not stand by you, when the in-laws give you hell for not having a baby yet. Can you handle all that? Is it worth it? Should you take the risk and put all your energies into getting pregnant, believing that all would be well if you can get just pregnant for him?

Every woman deserves a man who would stand by her through thick and thin. You are not defined by your ability to have a baby or not. If he says get pregnant before I marry you then you are better off staying in the single’s market, than getting pregnant for him. Ask around, make inquires…such requests never end well.

Protect your heart and be sure you make the right decisions…because Jacy is rooting for you!

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Jacy is a single mom in her late twenties. She works as a brand strategist in a Communications & Brand company during the day and as a writer at night; when she is not helping her daughter with homework or drawings. She is cheerful, friendly and spiritual. She is currently not in any relationship but she has a few love interests. Her world revolves around her daughter, church, movies and her career.

Photo Credits

  1. www.comtemporaryfamilies.org
  2. www.hellobeautiful.com

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