Oftentimes, we think that the woman that has just been handed a divorce letter is crying because she was ditched and heartbroken. The dejected man whose girlfriend just dumped him isn’t down in the dumps, because he was dumped. These two people are actually mourning the future they thought they were going to have with their respective partners.
The story of James and Jadesola is a perfect foil for this article. These are the most unlikely couple you will ever find. Jadesola was from a stupendously wealthy family, and there was no way in the world that James could have met her, forget getting an introduction to her, talking to her, or even dating her, never mind getting married to her.
However all of that happened…and then it ended. Upon completion of her Masters program in an Ivy League University, Jadesola came back into the country, and decided to continue the project she had done for her final thesis. It was a social development programme, focused on finding the artistic talents in the country.
It was this search for talents that brought her in contact with James. He was pure talent, and Jadesola literally danced a jig when she finally met him. This was a guy whose painting was flooding the Internet, make that breaking the Internet, and he was literally faceless. So, she made it her business to get him the recognition he deserved for his work. It became a burning passion for her.
She worked tirelessly to get his work into prestigious galleries around the world, organised showings of the work to select audiences, and got him to paint more realistic works. She even had him apprentice with one of the top artists in the world, who was even saying he couldn’t possibly teach a master his craft. All the same, James learnt, and that was another feather to his resume.
With all of this getting-recognition charade, was also regular contact. They were travelling together, literally waking and sleeping together. Soon, James was no longer a project, and he too started to see beyond the tough as nails façade put up by Jadesola.
They fell, and fell hard for each other. Theirs was an uncanny love story, the artist and his manager. Eyebrows and tempers were raised. How could this happen? The papers had a field day making guess work about the state of their relationship. Everyone wanted a piece of the action. It was a love story that nearly got Jadesola disowned by her family.
However, when it looked like she was going to call their bluff on this one, tempers calmed down, and they started to reason and cajole her into leaving him. When that did not work, they moved to threatening James…wrong move! In the short space of time he had known Jadesola, he had acquired an impressive network cutting across countries, which came to his rescue during this time.
Jadesola and James got married in the end, but the story did not end there. They were a couple obviously in love, but they were from different strata of the society, hence each came with different expectations to the marriage. Some deal breakers like James wanted his meals prepared by his wife, and she saw no reason they couldn’t get a chef to do that, after all they could afford it. And another, like how James liked to drive himself, even when they had a driver.
James wanted a life with Jadesola, a life where he was with the woman he loved, who also happened to be his staunchest fan, who had gotten into the rhythm of his life in the short time they had met. He loved the passion with which she lived life. He wanted to build a life with her, he wanted to constantly feed off her energy, her drive that had changed his life in less than three months. He wanted her for all times. She was his lucky charm.
On the other hand, Jadesola saw a man, uniquely talented, yet guileless. A man that next to nothing satisfied. A man who, more than anything, loved his art with his heart. So when he started to pursue her with the same earnesty as his art, she knew she had got his heart. He was a man who would always need her. She loved James’ gentle mien, especially as she knew it was also another façade, much like her ice queen façade. She loved the fact that he wasn’t intimidated by her, or her parents’ wealth, or her own impressive personal wealth and education. And sometimes, she had no reason for loving him…she just did.
Together, they wanted to build their lives, drawing from each other’s strengths; manager and artist. Although, Jadesola’s project still continued, James’ work washer main deal. And together, they were going places, literally, which worked wonders for their marriage. It was a very long honeymoon, as they jaunted around the world, going to showings of his work, visiting galleries featuring his work, attending auctions and such. Every one watched out for them at these places as their love was contagious and a sight for sore eyes.
It was when they had their first child, that their marriage started to implode. For one, they were housebound for a while, got more visitors from both sides of the families than they’d had since they got married. And these guests came with their own suggestions about how they were supposed to treat the baby. Being of different social standing, this soon turned into a power struggle.
Not helped by the fact that James had to travel, leaving his wife to handle her headstrong mom and mother-in-law. One month after he came back, his baby was older, his wife looked more relaxed, and his mother was nowhere in sight. Trouble in paradise!
That was the beginning of the end. Accusations and counter accusations flew, name calling ensued, and by the time their baby was two months old, her mom had left, and the new parents were sleeping in separate bedrooms, and no, it was wasn’t because of the baby. Their marriage was failing because of pride, because they couldn’t see the dream they had at the beginning of the relationship working out with their partner.
Suddenly, they remembered they were from different ends of town; James became the deadbeat artist Jadesola picked and cleaned up. Jadesola was the spoilt brat, who was used to having every thing her way or the high way. Both their names starting with J and having same initials were no longer a nice thing. Soon, they separated, and moved on to divorce.
How that whole process shook them! It was the end of a dream; the dream of an artistic couple bent on world domination. It was a dream cut short, before it was fully fledged.
The end of a relationship is the loss of the dream couples share, and it is ultimately what causes pain when a relationship ends. What each partner saw was the possibility of merging their dreams to have the image that appealed to each partner.
It is this dream of what will never be that haunts the ex-lovers in the late hours of the night, when their lover’s body, smell and touch is their only desire. It is the dream they crave to embrace in their sorrow, in the lonely moments of sadness and disillusionment. At those times, the broken hearted is so sure they will never taste such exquisite beauty again, such dream again. Their former partners were the One. With these thoughts, they believe their dreams are dead. In losing a partner, they walk off with the essence of our lives.
However, it need not be so. The person is of small effect. Their importance lies in the fact that we have loved them. And that’s all that makes them important. For our dreams not to die, we must make a conscious effort to take the good part of a relationship, especially if you are single, and move on. Instead of mourning the whole dream which we carved out, the goodness of a relationship.
See it as another road sign, pointing in the direction of the vision, which only our heart sees, and can recognize at first sight.
Mourn a dead relationship if you must, but keep the show moving.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.