Just the other day, I was reminiscing about my life, my relationship with the most beautiful girl in my life, Nelo. She’s a joy, my joy and love of my life. I will forever be grateful for the day I met her. Some few years ago, a woman like Chinelo would not have appealed to me. The in-your-face attitude of my ex stirred me; it challenged me, and brought out the medieval man in me. The man who wanted to dominate but all that has changed. I have changed into the man deserving of the kind of love that Nelo offers. I have changed and I know the areas I have grown, which I would like to share with you.
One of those habits was my spendthrift attitude. I was almost always in debt because as a big boy, I bought new clothes every month, went night crawling every other Friday, spent on my ex and had pretty minimal savings, which I did not hesitate to dip into whenever my generous employers were not forthcoming with a salary advance. As you can imagine, my finances were in disarray.
Another habit that I needed to kick was my level of alcohol consumption. I used to drink like a fish!! Anyway, you couldn’t night crawl without knowing how to drink, right? The truth was, my idea of a social life involved all sorts of activities that were not so good for my health and pocket. I had to tone it all down, starting with my finances; since I became more disciplined about my spending, my saving has increased, which makes it look like it is going to be sooner rather than later, that I will be getting hitched to my love. More so, I felt healthier, I don’t have to be nursing a hangover every Monday. Not to say I don’t drink, I still do but not that much anymore.
Disclaimer before I go further, Nelo, I will not always agree with you I needed to get that out of the way, before I’m being held to ransom over it. I was brought up by parents with very clear division of labour. My father’s word in the house is law. No contest and for a long time, I was like that. He did not bend my stance, once adopted. Reaching a compromise with my exes was a herculean task. I felt, if I backed down, I would be seen as weak so I maintained my stance, even when wrong. And I expected them to conform like I had seen. However, being with Nelo made me realize that I need not be right all the time. That my being wrong was not a strike against me but a human attribute. Anyway, Nelo was not one to meekly accept all my behaviour without a remark.
Now, I never thought I would ever have described myself as immature but I was. I was all for the good life, having a steady girlfriend but not minding having one night stands, picking up girls at will on my weekend jaunts.
The truth was I was afraid of commitment; of being tied to one person and the ladies I attracted then were not anyone you would want to be committed to. All they cared for was the here and now. I guess we were in the same period in our lives. Well, I outgrew that, I learnt what it was like to love someone and for that person to break your heart. And grow from that experience.
I had to grow into the type of man that Nelo deserved, the one, she dreamt of, when she was growing up. The man who loves like her it’s the last time, he would have that opportunity. The man on a mission to seek out the best in her; nourish it to its full potential; and the man who is ready to deal with her with all honesty, even when it hurts.
This article is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. I have bared my weaknesses here, charted my growth trajectory for all, including Nelo, my love, who will read this but I know that she will not use it against me, now, or in the future. She’s too matured for that.
Short term thinking
Hmm! I was an expert in this area, I did not think beyond the present. This type of thought pattern was was only right when I had no one else to think about but me. With the right woman? No. The right woman understands that it’s difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plan for themselves. And she’s smart enough to only want to commit to someone who will pledge to not only support her while she pursues her goals, but who pursues his own as well. That is the only way it can work. Otherwise, yours sincerely might become a burden on Nelo in the near future. God forbid. Nelo hates winging anything, when you could plan. If you tell her, let’s see where things go, she is going to ask for specifics; so, I have learnt to plan, not just for the immediate future but even long term plans.
My lady wants a man, who she can count on as her teammate in life and in love. And I Obiora, I’m that man.