Often times, a story is begun with, ‘once upon a time’ because it happened in the past. That would be the most appropriate way to describe romance in most relationships, marriages especially. It was a ‘once upon a time’ tale.If you were to take a look at single men and ladies, who are either dating or looking to date, what do you find? Ladies, who oftentimes dressed to the nines, each time they were going out. They really strove to look attractive. But then that was the aim, these ladies wanted to look attractive. They were not sure when they will meet the One; who would sweep them off their feet and love them just the way they are, so they needed to look attractive at all times.
On the other hand, the guys strove for a look that was meant to attract the kind of mate they wanted. So both sexes were actually out on a hunt and dressed appropriately. When finally the ‘boy meets girl’ part happened; the game would be taken to another new level. A relationship would be born.“How do I look? Does this suit me? I’m going out to with my boyfriend today and I want something really nice, to tantalise him.” These statements showed how much she cared about impressing him and wanted him to think the best of her.
Meanwhile, Mr. Fine boy was looking at the mirror as he brushed his hair, after a new cut. He sprayed some perfume on his hand and rubbed it just beneath his ears. You know that sensual spot, where the lady would rest her head? Well, that was exactly where he rubbed the perfume ;-). He checked himself out in the mirror, one last time; he left for his hot date. Phew! That entire dance was because he also cared about his date enough to want to dress to impress her.
All through the dating period, both always ensured they looked their best whenever they were seeing each other. After a while, there might be slip-ups, like when he went to her house early in the morning, because he could not sleep from thinking about her and she had just got out of bed. But after that, they only ever saw each other well kitted out. Not only looks would matter, the way each laughed at the other jokes, the compliments which they gave freely and meant too, because they took note of what their partner was wearing. And the guy actually learned to listen, because he liked the sound of her voice and the stories she told.
Soon, the wedding bell rang and the couple got married. Ah! Life was sweet, marriage was even sweeter. Neither of them ever imagined waking up their best person in the whole world on a daily basis but they did have that. They had matching drinking cups and enjoyed the fact that there was no need to call to fix a date any longer. All that was needed was, “We are having a date tonight.” And that fixed it.
After a while, it ceased to be that way. But it was not the swift change that they thought it would be. First of all, it started with the rush off to the bathroom the minute he/she woke up. No time for the early morning kiss or cuddle again. There was traffic to beat now, besides, the other person hadn’t brushed their mouth, but it never used to matter. Then, in order to feel comfortable in the house, mister started to wear boxer shorts. How sweet! Romance just died. She compounded that when she wore her old T-shirt every night to sleep. What happened to sexy night wears?
Anyways, by the time they both started to bring work home and settled in front of the television every evening, each facing his/her device, the final nail in the coffin of the romance of their marriage was driven in. There were no more conversations. Some life came back to the marriage when the wife announced that she was pregnant but it only lasted for the nine months that followed, when mister nearly tied his wife to the chair in his attempt to protect her and the child she carried. Immediately after the baby was born, he ceased to exist to his wife. His wife had a new love interest-their child.
So, that was it, as their family grew, the romance sank farther into the grave than it had the last time.
The scenario, I painted above might seem really sad but it is the reality of most marriages. A relationship expert once said that romance had grown wings and flown away from African marriages. Instead of a fellowship of mind, body and spirit between couples, each partner had retreated to their corners of the house and are so hesitant of taking the first step into the corner of the other partner. I don’t know why it happens; maybe, it is because they have become so comfortable with each other and started to take each other for granted. But romance dies and the results are not palatable even to the parties involved.
It is easy to forget the reasons you got married in the first place in the struggle of daily livelihood. It is so easy to forget to work on a marriage, on any relationship at that, because the thinking is, “he/she is here, I can resolve the problem tomorrow” but you know what, that problem will only grow bigger by the time tomorrow comes and you will be so used to postponing the evil day.
However, when it combusts, the situation will need grace to recover. Michael knows exactly how this feels. He got married to the love of his life and then, it went downhill from there. At first, it was because they were hardly in the house at the same time, because of their varying work schedules.When they were eventually together in the house at the same time, they found they had nothing to talk about and their devices came to the rescue, shielding the uncomfortable moments. They simply became roommates, who had sex once in a while.
It was not until his wife left him that it sank in that there was really something wrong with his marriage. That he still loved her, even though; he had not showed it in years. Going to counselling had helped them to get a handle on some issues but they are not clear of the bushes. Right now, his wife has returned home and he had made a vow to himself to continue to work on his marriage. Not to ever get comfortable with the status quo but to keep on striving for the best.
This is the ideal, keeping the single days in view constantly helps to keep the marriage fresh and nourished.
Remember to act as though, you are still dating your spouse.
Keep the fire alive.