I nearly fell off my chair with laughter, when I sighted a friend of mine wearing the costume ring his wife brought for him, because he wouldn’t wear the real one. His excuse being that his body reacts to jewellery. Bulll!!!
He was fidgeting so much with the ring on his finger, it was almost comical! While we talked, his hand never left that finger, sliding the ring off and on.
So, I asked; “What’s the occasion? Why are you wearing your costume ring?”
“Omo mehn, I have to wear it oh. I got into a conversation with an elderly woman I would like to do business with, and from business, I don’t know how oh. Before I knew it, we were talking about her family, children, husband, her in-laws, and grandchildren sef. If you ask me about her favourite grandchild and the professions of her other grandchildren, I will probably be able to recall everything.
He continued perplexed, “I only asked one generic question of how her family was. She wanted to know all about my family too, after sharing about hers. With that kind of person, you don’t need to be told she values family and if I hope to work with her, then I gats to wear my ring. That’s why oh.”
“What’s the big deal in wearing a wedding ring sef?” he asked as he stared moodily at the ring, looking at it as though it were an item of torture.
We have had this conversation before, and as usual, my response had always been “What’s the big deal in your wife wearing her ring sef?”
“Is that all you’re going to say?” And then, he hit me below the belt; “Well, thank God your husband too doesn’t wear his. So, we are even.”
At this point, I had no comeback. After all, he’s right, he and my husband are members of the married-men-who-don’t-wear-their-wedding-rings club. A club I wish didn’t exist, and even if it did, that its members would stop growing. Alas, we are still praying about that.
Men always have a litany of reasons for not wearing their ring, ranging from it hurts, it was hard to adjust to, it turned his finger different colours, he couldn’t remember to put it on, wearing a ring doesn’t mean he will be faithful, and so on.
I think I have heard quite a lot of reasons. I used to be angry before, and at some point even went days without my ring, but when secondary school boys start hitting on you, then you know you are just a tiny step away from disgrace, so I resumed wearing my ring. Besides, a girl has got to choose her battles wisely.
Did my husband feel hurt that I refused to wear my ring? Hmmm…yes. He was hurt and sad at first that I would refuse to wear my ring, but not enough for him to wear his. So, I guess it really didn’t work.
The popular perception is that some men — and yes, women too — go ringless in order to broadcast an availability that their spouses may know nothing about.
And in our clime, there is the notion that affairs may be avoided if both married men and women would simply adhere to this conventional symbol that you’re “taken.” (Of course, this doesn’t account for those who are attracted by wedding rings, precisely because they signal a fling in their warped minds.)
Well, there are practical reasons for not wearing the ring. For Hassan, a hair stylist, he finds that rings get in the way of his work. “Everybody knows I’m married,” he said. “But it’s not convenient to wear one.”
Peter was even more vocal about this ring “wahala” as he put it.
“He asked you to marry him, still married you after you went a little nuts planning the wedding, and now lives with you—in his mind, he’s more than proven his devotion to you,” Peter says. “A chunk of metal on his finger won’t enhance that.” Do you agree?
Does choosing to wear a little gold band signify more “lasting love” than men who never bother with it? Not necessarily.
And should the married woman be worried that her husband leaving his ring in the safe-deposit box actually means something about their relationship? Again, not necessarily.
However, like Peter pointed out “What you should worry about is a guy who usually wears a wedding ring, but takes it off at times when you’re not around—bachelor parties, nights out with buddies, et cetera.”
He added. “If you see a bare ring finger in pictures, that’s not a great sign.”
On the other hand, there is Seun, a man in his mid 30s. He is in a committed relationship and desires to wear a wedding ring in order to deflect overly-amorous ladies who he meets regularly in the line of his work as a bar tender.
“You tell them you have a girlfriend, and a lot of the time they shrug that off. They really don’t respect it unless you’re like’ ‘see the ring right here.”
I like Seun. He’s a smart guy who knows the right way to enjoy his life.
So ladies, if he wears the ring, fantastic! And if he prefers not to wear it for the various reasons listed above, don’t beat yourself up over it, as long as he is committed to your marriage.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.