Most men will probably want to brag about their sexual prowess and how much of a wonderful sexual partner they are, but in the depths of their hearts, they still have some questions, some concerns that they have but do not talk about, for fear of appearing less of a man
Some of the top concerns include:
1. My partner doesn’t have an orgasm. Is it my fault?
This is one unvoiced concern of men. You can’t even begin to imagine the number of men who have asked these questions “Have you come?” or “Did you come?” during a sexual encounter, or after one. But most of them do not like the answers they get, especially when it is obvious that their partner did not reach the peak.
However, the truth is, many women have issues with orgasm. So, the problem might not be you. When women struggle with reaching orgasm, they can become anxious, which will ultimately affect sexual pleasure. When you combine this with the fact that most women do not know how their body achieves orgasm, it becomes an issue that can cause real distress in a relationship.
This is a distress, which a member of our community knew all too well. For the first six months of his marriage, his bedroom life was almost non existent, because his wife said he was a selfish lover. That he never tried to make her come. So, she was not ecstatic about their sexual life. Quite a downer for a newly wedded couple, whom everyone thought was having the best sex of their lives. Only it was not so.
On one of the nights, they decided to give themselves another chance at improving their sexual life. They finally discovered what worked for her. All she needed was prolonged foreplay, to give her the mightiest of orgasms! From that time forward, their sexual life changed for the better.
To help, instead of you feeling like you need to deliver an orgasm every time, encourage her to be more adventurous in the bedroom. It might take some time for her, and you have to relax and work out how it all works, but it can be a lot of fun trying. The idea is to help her unlock and relax her mind first, while finding her body’s natural response.
2. I want to spice things up in our relationship, how should I do it?
Well, this is a question our in-house agony aunt has received on at least on one occasion and, as you can guess, it was from a husband who wanted his wife to keep up with the change she had started in the bedroom, but he did not know how to do it.
Before you go and think that the way to spice things up is all about whips and chains, think far more simply. Sometimes, all that it takes is doing one small thing differently; like changing the sexual position you have been using for ages. Because, the truth is, when you are with a partner for a certain amount of time, you can get stuck in a predictable behavioural pattern.
Implementing one new thing can totally change things. If you can, and this is really important to you, then, you and your partner can both sit down and write a list of things you would both like to try. That way when you do try something different, you would already have your go-to list for the next time.
However, if you are not one to sit down for this very private conversation, then be prepared to be surprised, and please keep an open mind. Your partner would thank you for indeed spicing up things.
3. How many times a week should I be having sex?
This is the one question that everyone wants an answer to; husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancées and fiancés, and all for different reasons. Some want it to be every day of the week, while others can’t be bothered for even a whole month. Even people who are not in any relationship are interested.
Basically what they are asking is “what is normal?” Unfortunately, there is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex. So, rather than looking outwards to what everyone else is doing, it’s more important to look inwards to what works for you and your partner.
Besides, how did you come to believe, you should be having sex 3 – 4 times a week, or none at all? Where did you get that belief from? Why is that number important? Does your lifestyle allow for that? Is that how you value a good relationship and sex life? Ask yourself these questions, and if your partner’s answers match your beliefs, then you are in luck. All that is now required is to make your schedules work for your love life.
4. Is watching pornography bad for my sex life?
Since this is a direct question, then yes, it can become an issue, if watched in excess. It can create illusions and unhealthy expectations n your sexual life. Some people watch porn on their own, others in a relationship, and others watch but hide it from their partners. If you are in a relationship, it’s important not to feel you have to hide this, rather be open with your partner about your desires. Hiding your porn usage is simply deceitful.
Sure, some women do have very strong beliefs against porn and for them, it might be a deal breaker, but at least you need to know where her boundaries are, and why they are there. You can suggest a compromise, but don’t count on it. This can be a great way to incorporate fantasy into a relationship, as long as it’s a fantasy that you are both interested in.
Whatever your porn usage is, it’s vital to watch it like you would any other movie (if you must) – for entertainment and not as an how-to video. It is also useful to monitor how much you watch. Is it giving you false expectations for what your own sex life should be like already? Then, you need to know that porn is not real life sex and there is a lot more that goes on behind the scenes.
5. Is usage of sex toys by my partner, a replacement for me?
Guys, to be honest, it feels demeaning. There is nothing like a vibrator to dampen an already heated sexual situation. But need not be so. Vibrators can be lots of fun in the bedroom, but it in no way mean you are being replaced. Many women have said, although they enjoy the sensation of a vibrator, they also feel a little empty afterwards. So, perhaps, touch and affection are the key elements to a woman really feeling sexually satisfied. If you must, try to incorporate these buzzing friends into your bedroom and view them as enhancements, not replacements. A vibrator can’t cuddle with you after sex, and sometimes that is all a woman needs.
Those are some questions men have about their lives behind the closed doors of their bedroom and the answers to them.
Good luck with the exploration.