Last week, we talked about the things; a man must do before he thinks of getting married. They are basic, the foundation on which a solid marriage may be built, because it essentially shows the maturity level of the man.
This week, it’s the turn of the ladies.
If you will recall that last year, TV girl and latest author in town, Toke Makinwa, had advised single ladies on the things they should do before they get married, which included having a one-night stand experience. That caused quite a uproar, with many folks online wondering why she should dish out such advice, considering she has such a young followership.
While this article won’t be anything as risqué as that, it will definitely be a checklist for single ladies, engaged ladies or those who are in a committed relationship and don’t mind that it is a bit longer than the four basics for men. It’s just the way ladies roll; so much details.
Here are a few basics for us ladies:
Find out why you want to get married
Do you genuinely love your partner? Or do you just like the idea of getting married? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with them? Do you just want to wear a wedding gown and have a big fancy party? Or do you think it’s just something you now have to do because you’re getting older?
Find out your true intentions before making the leap.
Because lady, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, all of these things don’t matter as much as the riding the waves cheerfully with your chosen life partner.
Learn how to be alone without feeling lonely
This is a skill most people, women inclusive, don’t have. A mature person should be able to enjoy his/ her own company. It is not all the time you need to have someone by your side.
Try taking yourself to dinner once a week or planning one night a week just for you. You will find that whatever you choose to do in those moments is what you really want to do.
And knowing how to “find your chill” is crucial because it means that you don’t need outside validation to feel whole—and you don’t put unfair expectations on your partner to keep you entertained.
In turn, you will likely encourage your partner to pursue his hobbies too, which will create a healthy interdependent relationship. It’s better to rely on each other completely equally than to have one person always providing support, which will likely cause tension down the line.
Still create time for a relationship
You know that whole idea of “sugar attracting ants”? Not comparing men to sugar but the drill is this, if you make room in your life for a relationship, you’re way more likely to find that one special person
And if you have a partner but don’t invest enough time or effort into your partnership, chances are you won’t have it for long.
Remember, I said make room for a relationship, I didn’t say make your whole life about a relationship. A mature lady ready for marriage wouldn’t do that.
Create your value system
Being single is the best time of your life to lay the foundation of your future. It is the best time to determine what turns you on and what turns you off, the things you can tolerate and the deal-breakers.
Say, for example, that finding a partner who follows a sustainable lifestyle is absolutely crucial for you. Put that on the list as a reminder not to compromise on your core values.
Note this however, if you feel that your priorities are shifting and that what you thought was a deal-breaker value isn’t really of deal-breaker value anymore, then by all means, change your list. It’s not set in stone. You made it after all.
But if the guy you’re heading down the aisle with right now doesn’t meet one of the criteria on your list—and you still feel it’s important—then it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship before you make a big mistake.
Learn to apologize sincerely. Learn to fight fair
We mess up from time to time. Admitting it shows your partner that you’re mature and you’re willing to do what it takes to make things right.
Disagreements will inevitably happen with your future spouse. Learn to fight fairly now, before you say something you’ll regret after you’re married.
Don’t expect your man to be your all in all
Dear ladies, one thing we all need to get right is this, and I learnt it from a favourite person of mine, your husband shouldn’t be your source of happiness. Your happiness is your business.
Same way you shouldn’t have this unrealistic impression that a husband satisfies all of his wife’s needs; physically, emotionally and in every other way.
It is perfectly acceptable to have others in your life to fulfill certain needs, like your mom, friends, work-out buddies, etc.
Your husband is just one person who can’t be expected to be everything you need in your life. For goodness sakes, he’s not Jesus.
Remove the burden from him, so he can be the best husband to you. In this regard, you help him to help yourself.
And with this one, I’m sorry to bust your bubble, but your fairy tale imaginations in which your husband is forever loving and kind to you are just that, fairy tales. It’s far from true. Marriage can be full of doubt, pain at times, dilemmas, lots of decisions and many things you might not want to relate with, but know that it is also full of love, laughter, kindness, having a ride or die partner and more.
Unfortunately, you can’t have one without the other, so you must be ready. Marriage is work.
Are you ready?
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.