If you have been on the receiving end of infidelity in any relationship, you will know that it is a very bitter pill to swallow. It is the height of deceit that can be meted on someone who has been faithful to you and what you had.
Some people, who have been in that difficult place, have often lamented how they did not see it coming. How they had thought their relationship was too secure to be broken apart by infidelity, but alas, they got blindsided. Diana was one of such people. She was completely unaware that her fiancé was cheating on her with another lady, living on his street.
Diana had thought they had a good thing going for them; for goodness sake, they were engaged, and it was not as though she had hinted or cajoled him into proposing…he had done it of his own free will.
And then it happened. She got a catty threat message, out of the blue, from a number she did not know, warning her to back off from Samuel, or face the consequences. She had disregarded the message; perhaps it was a wrong number, she assumed. But another message came in from the same number, stating her full names, and that of her fiancé, while warning her to back off , as she was now the apple of his Samuel’s eyes.
She was shaking after she finished reading the text messages, and while she wanted to call Samuel to rake for him, she knew in her heart she was not ready to confront him; so, she waited.
It was two days later that she saw him, and in the days in between, they had spoken and chatted, and not once had he behaved as though he was stepping out on her, nor did she bring him up to speed about the messages she had gotten from his side chick. The truth was, she did not know if she was the side chick.
However, he was smart enough to know that something was not right, when Diana arrived at his house at the weekend. She was like a hound dog, her eyes were piercing, looking for clues, anything to nail this guy. She had been told that he was a serial cheat, but she never believed, choosing instead to believe that only his haters would say that kind of thing. But then after a few years together, she thought he had been cured of whatever wandering eyes and legs affected him.
Not so. She did not see anything incriminating from her checking out his place, nothing was where it shouldn’t be. So, it became a full-on frontal attack; “Samuel, you are cheating on me! Your girl sent me two messages telling me to leave you alone for her.” Shock was written all over his face. No answer, at least not for a while.
Before, you find yourself in Diana’s shoes, know that there are some signs that just show that a guy is going to cheat on you. He will always cheat on you, now, and in the future.
1. He is not open about his past relationships
If it feels like pulling teeth for him to share details about his past relationships, or he won’t even budge, you can bet it’s because those details would not make him look very good in your sight. You will probably find out earlier than he wanted that he has a twisted dark soul.
If it were just a crazy ex, or a nasty breakup, oh, his mouth would definitely run. Everyone likes to tell that kind of survival story. However, when the storyteller is the boss man, in his own script, he is usually not itching to share the details.
2. He is a woman-magnet and makes friends with them easily
Talk about ease of access. And this is not prejudging men who have a natural tendency to be friends with ladies, and still keep it clean, but have you ever dated a guy who talked to every woman he laid eyes on; either he knew them before, they just met, or they walk up to him?
You know the type. You would leave to get a drink for five minutes at a party, a bar, and before you return, there is some other lady occupying your space and gisting with your man. It kind of makes you stop to think. Or at least it should, if you are the thinking type.
Diana had to deal with this several times, they often ran into Samuel’s ‘friends’, whenever they wnt out, and, more often than not, they were females.
The truth: If your guys has a lot of girl-friends or just seems to know every woman (whether married or not) in his neighbourhood, you should see the C-caution neon sign flashing honestly.
3. He has a sense of entitlement
If your man thinks he is bestest thing to happen on this earth, since ice cream was invented, and he thinks everyone should know it too, then, that’s one man obviously going to have an affair, and he would not in anyway be remorseful about it.
Because, he thinks he is doing you a favour, by dating or marrying you, and you would be acting selfishly if you insist he is faithful to you. He wants to spread the goodness around.
This is not normal, so mental health professionals call it narcissism. And people with narcissistic personality traits feel that they are entitled to more things than other people.
There you have it.
4. His jealousy is on another level
People usually fear the most, the little demons living on the inside of them. A crazy, jealous, suspicious and controlling man usually is so because he has first-hand proof that cheating happens, all thanks to himself.
And he is so worried that you would do the same, and he would not find out, because he has been able to keep his ‘fun’ under wraps for the time being. Like it is said of the warrior, who would never allow anyone hold a knife near his neck, because he knows what he would do, if he were in that person’s shoes. That is exactly how, and why, that guy is so jealous. It’s mindless.
Back to Diana and Samuel’s story, he was really guilty and only confessed after he was boxed into a corner, by a call from the other lady. Diana has since broken off the engagement, and moved on, but Samuel won’t let go. He is still begging to be taken back. Whether or not that would happen, remains in Diana’s court.
Some guys have all these traits in them, and only God can help the women in their lives. Some have three or less, whatever be the case, all are dependent on the infidelity-tolerance (if there is anything likethat) level of the girlfriend/fiancée/wife/ involved.
Shine your eyes!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.