Fadekemi was a serial side chick; after having failed relationships with single guys for years, she turned her attention to married men and ended up with two married men in quick succession. For the past two years, she had been dating Wale, a married man in his early 30s. They met at a time when his young marriage was going through a rough patch. They had clicked and she had provided him much needed succor at that time of his life.
For weeks, Wale woke and slept in her house. Her home became his home, they played house together but in the end, the huge fight between the couple was settled and he went back home, even as he sought every opportunity to spend time with Fadekemi after the glow of the first few weeks of settlement had ended.
Fadeke lived for the times she was graced with his presence. He always had one story or the other to tell her about how his marriage was not really working, that he was just hanging in there, for the time being. In the end, she believed him and held on to the hope that one day; Wale would leave his wife and marry her. On the nights that she had to release him to go home into the arms of his wife, she consoled herself with that thought. On the Valentine’s day, that she had to spend alone, she told herself it would be the last one she spent alone and cuddled up to the giant teddy bear he had bought her, while indulging in the chocolates which did her waist line no good.
That was her life for two years; too many lonely nights, cancelled dates, and rescheduled hangouts. There were moments when she needed Wale to be present, but his wife needed him more; like the night his wife birthed their first child. The same woman, Wale had claimed not to be sleeping with! How did she get pregnant and was now going to have a baby, if he was not sleeping with her and was not questioning the paternity of the child?
Crying herself to sleep that night, she vowed to end the relationship but who did she see the next morning knocking on her door? Wale! He was there to apologize for bailing on her, and also to share with her the news that he was now a father. However, he wanted the status quo to remain; he still wanted her in his life. Fadekemi was touched by his gesture, that even though he had had a long night, with his wife in labour, he still remembered her. Her earlier vow to end the relationship was forgotten as she tumbled into his embrace and even promised to buy some baby gifts for her soon-to-be step daughter.
How wrong she was, Wale had a second baby almost a year later. That broke the camel’s back for her. She had had enough of his be patient, I want to be with you as much as you do It was time to pack the relationship in. It almost killed her but she ended the relationship. At first, Wale kept coming to beg her to take him back; he called, he texted but by the time the third week rolled by, she had already started to hear stories of how much of a good father and husband, Wale was. That was all she was worth to him. His calls also stopped altogether. It was all over for him but Fadekemi was nowhere close to finding closure.
She had a lot to deal with; as mentioned earlier, she was a serial side chick. The relationship she left to be with Wale was one with a married man as well. He was in his early 40s, with a hectic job schedule that meant he was hardly home, his wife knew he would never be available, so it was quite easy for him to carry on an affair with Fadekemi.
This time, she knew what she was letting herself in for. She knew she was going to be the side chick and she accepted her fate. She thought after several years of dating single men with no purpose, she might as well date someone older, who would pamper her and treat her well.
She got lots of pampering when he was available; he rented a nice apartment for her, she went on summer holidays on his bill and she got a new car in the bargain. Her world was jolly. But it ended all of a sudden; her rich boyfriend had abandoned her. He had moved on to another catch and was showering the new girl with his blessings and attention. She was hurt but not broken hearted. She knew it was not going to last but she did not expect it to end the way it did.
Fadekemi knew, she had laid her bed all wrong and it was time to sleep on it. She was the one who had ditched single men for married men, just because she had the bad luck of being with single guys who were all shades of wrong for her. She knew that perhaps if she had waited, loving herself rather than looking for someone else to love her, she might have found love and if not, she would certainly have found peace with herself and not this self disgust that permeated her life.
What made it worse was a message that Wale’s wife sent after the birth of their second child, it was a taunting message and she got the message, loud and clear, it read, do you need any more convincing that I’m keeping my husband?
If there was anyone to blame for her predicament, she was the one and she bore it all on her dropping shoulders, hoping one day to be able to shake free and find someone to love her, the way she knew she deserved to be loved.
Kristine is a member of the The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.