Just the other day, someone was talking about the wife who left her husband and, in order to get her kids, actually got her husband arrested. The husband has since been burning up the phone lines of his soon-to-be ex-father-in-law, asking him to talk to his daughter, so the police can let him off the hook, as his ex already has the kids, but the police are yet to let him go.
So, what happened to a marriage that was contracted less than two years ago? From the feelers I got, too many secrets, too much see-finish attitude, and now, it has blown up in their faces, and even parents who have not set foot in their homes for one day, are being drawn into the battle. That’s that.
Another marriage just ended too, and it was not with all the drama and bang that the first one did. The wife just woke up one morning, sorted her husband’s breakfast, and while her man ate breakfast, she told him she was leaving. The man looked at her, and told her, “You are joking as usual.” She said no, but as he finished his breakfast, he held his wife’s hands, looked into her eyes and told her, “When I come back, we will talk about this. I’m sorry but please, don’t go.”
It never happened. He did not meet her when he got back home, and he searched for over a month, before he found out his wife had moved into her own house, right there in the neighbourhood. What was the problem? They never clicked from the very beginning. It was always a marriage of convenience for her. She couldn’t love him, and had only stayed at first out of peer and family pressure, then because of the kids, and when the kids did not need her any more, she left. Not even his love could hold her, not even the fact that she had spent the better part of her years with the same man mattered. She just wanted to get some part of her life back for herself.
And yet for another couple, it was just the routine arguments that got tiring, the moments when the remote is in one person’s hand, and everyone else must watch what they want to watch, regardless of their choices.
The moments when work took over the life of the wife, and the husband was left with scheduling a moment to see his partner. The repetition of the stupid statement that would set the other person off. The ‘take me or leave me’ attitudes. Very soon, it led to the “Me or your work” ultimatum.
All these couples are normal everyday people, that somehow missed the mark. They do not stay out late, drink, gamble away family finances, there is no domestic violence involved. Yet their marriages are packing up. Why?
Here are some of the little foxes that sneak up on a couple and quietly eat away at their marriage, until there is nothing left to go up in flames. All you get at the end of the day are couples, who have slipped out of their marriage, without even knowing it. Here are some of the little foxes:
You have stopped cuddling
Not everyone needs sex five times a week. Especially the female folks. Most guys wouldn’t say no to sex, every day of the week. For some couples, just a hug or a kiss or a cuddle would suffice.
Regardless, most couples will need some kind of physical connection to stay together. If it’s not sex, then you need to find yours.
You become a one-man consulting firm
Gone are the days, when you used to consult each other about matters. Nowadays, you just can be bothered to ask their opinions on a variety of subjects. Everything from what you should do about your difficult new boss, to plans for the weekend, are decisions you make without consideration for your spouse’s feelings, or how it might affect him/her.
You are talking but not Really Talking
Yes, there is a difference between talking and actually talking. Talking about bills, kids, in-laws, or even the fact that someone did not take out the trash is not talking.
Talking is spending quality time talking about your lives – really, truly, deeply talking about your lives, dreams, goals, aspirations; all beyond the small talk and niceties, otherwise, you are not connecting. And if you are not connecting, you are growing apart. Simple as abc.
You are not showing affection
Remember those emails and calls during work hours? Are those still happening? Yes, as we grow older, and are more dedicated to our careers, things will change. While, it’s true that taking, say, 20 minutes out of work hours to hash out a problem might not work anymore, short text messages and even calls are good ways to show the other person you are thinking about them.
While you are at it, say the three words, “I love you.” It might be all your spouse wants to hear at times.
You are ignoring the little things
Men are more prone to do this, and a wife, who doesn’t care any longer, will surely not notice when things have changed in her husband. When you stop looking at your spouse as a person, and start assuming they will always be the same, things get stale quickly.
These are some of the five little foxes that can eat out the life in a relationship. Kill them before they kill your relationship.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.