I am not going to pretend that this is a new trend. It has been with us from time immemorial. If you look around, you will find that lady who has had children for more than one man and never married any one of them. She is there in our family lineage, if we really look. She is also more often than not, the joyous one, who always has the time to ‘pancake’ her face, while all her age mates are too tired, to tie a head scarf on their unmade hair.
You get the gist now? Just in case you have not. I’m talking about Baby mama, the new cliché for single motherhood. Now, you get it. But before we go further, this post is not meant to ridicule anyone which is why no names will be mentioned but I assure you, we will all know who we are talking about.
Nowadays, all our social media pages are filled with all the ladies who have all managed to have babies for men, some of whom they would like to marry but who will never marry them or …will eventually. For some ladies, it just happened. It was not a deliberate action, they had a nice time and ended up with a baby, while the last group of people just do not care, they are all for the nice time, baby happened? No problem, they fix it and move on to the next man.
Take a look around the entertainment scene of Nigeria and you find it littered with so many baby daddies and baby mamas (who are more popular). In fact, you can count more entertainers who have baby mamas than not. From the first half of the year, it was as though they had a secret pact to get their girlfriends preggy at the same time and have them put to birth around the same time. You know the recent baby daddies nau. Don’t play coy with me.
And considering the flaunting of the babies and the dad’s baby-sitting times on social media, the baby mamas’ thunder have been stolen by their babies. Karma you might say but what does it matter. There is a firm connection that cannot be easily broken between them the baby mama and the dad now. In my effort to wrap my head around the trend, I decided to put them in some form of groups:
Baby mamas by default: This is the group of baby mamas, who were girlfriends before they got pregnant and if the sperm donor is not ready for marriage. Your guess is as good as mine. They become baby mamas pending when mister decides to propose. Assuming he wants to. Examples are the baby mamas of the Saco singer, with whom he already has two kids. But he had once told a national daily that he was not ready to marry her. I wonder how she sleeps at night.
Another fit for this group would be the Ojuelegba singer’s baby mama, although, one cannot say for sure, whether she was a girlfriend or a groupie. But we all know that she has a fine boy for the whizkid and that is all they have in common right now, according to them.
By force baby mama: This group of baby mama usually have serious crush, on the guy in question. They would rather have a part of him than nothing at all. One glance in their direction and they have latched onto him like a leech. At the end of the day, they get the baby which now becomes the bargaining chip for the guy’s affection. Whether it will work or not is now another matter altogether.
Like I said earlier, I won’t mention names but we all know the love triangle drama that played out recently on Instagram where an Highlife musician put up the picture of his first baby mama with their child on Father’s day while his other preggy girlfriend’s page showed a picture of her with her father. You might even recall the days when she spent the day at his house, cozy up with his dogs and that was some weeks before he posted the father’s day image. It must be a hell of a job juggling these two beautiful women, whom I might add were former beauty queens.
Notorious baby mama: These ones don’t care. For them, babies are just another result of sex, just as orgasms can the result of a great sex. So, just like orgasm, you accept it if it happens and if it does not, move on. There will be another time, unless you care for a dry drive.
As I said earlier, they are all for the nice time, needy and ready to go about seeking for attention to quell their inner devil, who tells them they are not good enough or that they need their love interest to be able to continue to exist. I really don’t know what drives them.
For this class of people, half a loaf is better than no loaf alt all. They do it one time, not enough; they go the second round, and third round. By that time, it has begun to sink in that the babies were not holding the guy captive and neither was the sex but all the eligible bachelors too have become wary of them by this time. No one wants to eat a thoroughly eaten left over.
If she ever gets off that horse, perhaps the guy gets married and it has become glaring that she was no longer of use, she finds the next available guy and goes through the same process with him. Surprisingly, after every birth, they spring back to shape and before you know it, they are on the prowl again, looking for the next man. That is the ultimate baby mama.
The fan base of these entertainers are huge and populated by young people, and with the way they parade their affairs, it passes a message to the fans that it is okay to have a baby mama. It is glamorized but talk to the single mother living close to you; you will know the true situation is very far from that portrayed on social media. The discrimination and piteous looks are also very real.
And there is a Yoruba adage that says, when the elders of a family are in agreement, a married woman, who left her husband will be forced to come go back to her husband’s house. Assuming there is a husband in the first place. This had effects then but not sure about now.
What are your thoughts really on this baby mama and baby daddy issue?