The Struggles Of Adjusting To A New Relationship


This was Shade’s usual routine… as soon as she steps through her door; with one hand, she pulls off her wig revealing the ‘all back’ matted weaving beneath, drops her bag on the couch and unbutton her jacket. She would switch on the lights, “thank God, there is light” she would mutter to herself, as she proceeded to her bedroom to pull on her usual home wear of big T-shirt. With a pair of short shorts, no bra underneath and her face wiped clean of make-up, she was looking like a teenager, when she heard the knock on her door. Hmmm she went, who could that be?. She was not expecting anyone. She decided not to answer, just in case it was one of mistaken knocks. The knocks came again and she decided to see who was at the door. Behold, her beau, Emmanuel was at her door, holding up a bottle of wine and some flowers for her.

Shade felt like closing the door on him again and rushing off to the room to get herself prepped up. He saw the thoughts on her face and quickly stepped into the house, clearly saying no to a fine and properly dressed Shade. The first few moments were really awkward, as she kept pulling her T-shirt away from her chest area; she fidgeted with her hair, her face, until Emmanuel asked her if he was not welcome. She told him no, of course he was welcome into her home. She excused herself and hurried off to pretty herself up. She changed her shirt, wore a bra, filled her brows in and put some gloss on her lips, nothing fancy but it made her feel more comfortable with her boyfriend.

Emmanuel and Shade started dating six months earlier and visited each other but it had always been planned visits or dates. So she had never been caught unawares or in less than stellar appearance. They went on to visit properly but it made her realize her that now, she was indeed in a relationship and things would not always be about her. She recognized the adjustments she had been making since she got into the relationship.

Enjoy some of them below:

Whether to pack an overnight pack or not

To mark, their fifth month of relationship, Emmanuel asked her over to his house for a celebratory meal, and Shade found herself in a dilemma, to pack an overnight bag or not. After all, it was a private dinner.  She was almost sure she would be spending the night but then, she had only been invited for meal not an overnight stay. However, she wanted to be prepared and armed with fresh undies and tooth brush in the morning, just in case she did sleep over. In the end, she decided to err on the side of caution and put fresh undies and  blouse in her bag, hoping that he had a spare tooth brush at his place.

After the meal ended, he asked her to stay over night. She was glad she had preempted the situation and acted appropriately but as it turned out, he had no spare tooth brush, typical guy mentality. He went out to get her one.

Good bye starfish sleeping pattern

That night she spent with him, they started off sleeping on their sides of the bed, but by the time she woke up in the middle of the night to go to ease herself, she found herself on the edge of the bed, her bae had left his side and was molded to her side, with his arms heavy on her middle, it was a surprise that she slept deeply at all. She tried to move but he tightened his grip around her. She eventually had to wake him up and asked him to let her to the toilet. He grinned sleepily and let her go.

Shade knew her days of spreading all over the bed, starfish style was long gone, with Emmanuel in her life. As soon as she got back into bed, he moved in again, pulling her close to him. He slept while Shade counted from 1000 backwards until she fell asleep.

She misses her ‘me’ time.

Even though  she was really into her lover, there were times she thought, I just need like one night alone this week, so I can get some sleep, wash my face before bed and sleep in a little later. The first overnight visits had birthed more nights together. While she thought about this, she also felt ungrateful; because she recalled her single days, when she had prayed that God should give her a man to fall asleep beside, not the usual stuffed animals that had almost taken over her bed space. But now, she missed the good old days, just a little bit. What an irony! Typical human attitude! We are prone to seeking for something for so long and when we get it, we then realize that it comes with consequences we don’t want.

All the aforementioned points are tricky little things to figure out while soaking up a new relationship. Given time, they will all be a thing of the past. I would say, embrace the confusion and the inconvenience, because it’s also fun and exciting as Shade found out for herself. It forced her to break her mundane weeknight rituals and start enjoying her new relationship instead!

In the end, as comfortable as her baggy T-shirts were, deep down, she knew it was nowhere close to being a relationship and all that comes with it.  :loveangel:   :loveangel:



Kristine is a member of the The Lovelint team. She  is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.

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