Honestly, it’s so easy to fall in love with a player. He’s perfect, he does the things you like at the time you like them done. He goes out of his way to make you feel extra special, and the sole person in his life…at least, at that particular time. But what he is really doing is fattening you up like a lamb meant for slaughter.
There is a proverb that says, there is no amount of love that the owner will have for a chicken, no matter how long, that the chicken will not end up inside the pot. So, no matter how all over you like a rash he is, once he’s a player, he’s setting you up for something. A heartbreak.
That was Patricia’s story with her player-boyfriend, with whom she wasted two years of her life, not knowing there were many fish in the ocean of this guy, and that he had only been playing along, so that he could get into her pants and be done with it. If she had known that was what he was looking for, she might have ended the chase a long time ago, but she unknowingly set herself up by avoiding sex with this guy, because she just felt too rushed by him.
Patricia’s Tope was just too good to be true and that was what he truly turned out to be. Too good to be true. Once, he got what he came looking for, even though it was after two years, he left and left her heartbroken and wondering why she hadn’t read the signs right.
If you think Patricia’s story is pathetic, then you need to read that of Seunfunmi, who was led on a wild goose chance across two continents, in the name of love, only to end up disappointed. Seunfunmi and her now arch enemy, Timilehin, had met in school, abroad. They didn’t date then, but soon after Seunfunmi returned home, Timilehin pulled out all the stops, called all their connections, pulled crazy stunts to get her attention and then to get her into a long distance relationship.
It was crazy…it was a whirlwind of a romance. She would wake up some morning and find his face on her open laptop, asking what she wanted to eat. Whatever she said, she got in minutes, as someone would soon be knocking on her door to deliver breakfast.
The first time it had happened, he had casually asked her what her favourite breakfast was and when she had replied that it was full English breakfast, that was what she got the next morning, complete with a waiter to serve her. It was beyond romantic, especially the fact that he could pull strings from so far away to make her day.
From breakfast to celebrating Valentine’s day, as though, he was present in the country with her, to making Christmas a mixture of fun and sadness for her, as he outdid himself with the gifts he got her so much so that she felt sad that he wasn’t there to spend the day with her.
In all of this romance, there was, however, one sore poin; his refusal to come to town and how he always told her not to bother making the trip to see him. Well, an opportunity came up for Seunfunmi to go back to her alma mater for a three-month stint. She mentioned it to him, but didn’t say when it would happen. She wanted to surprise him.
On the day she arrived in town, she called Timilehin, who was excited that his bae was around. He took off for the airport, picked her up and told her she was spending the three months in his house, even though accommodation arrangements had been made for her in the school.
That was how for the first time, since their almost two year old relationship, they were together. Truthfully, it was very exciting at first, then the irritation started. The complaints, the unnecessary fights, the time spent in front of his computer, which was passworded by the way, and he wouldn’t even allow her use it. All of these issues ate into their relationship and very soon, a heartbroken Seunfunmi sought the accommodation that came with her job.
It was later she found out Timilehin was the player of the highest order, only he played on the long distance tuft, stringing many women along at the same time and still be free to sample the town too, without anyone checking him. It was truly a complicated case and she still can’t find the reason he might enjoy doing that.
I guess to each his own.
To avoid stories that touch, here are a few ways to identify a player.
The best way to spot a player; and to see if you’re getting played, is to pay attention to his actions, not his words.
Note that players will do the absolute barest minimum required to keep you around. It might be a compliment every now and then or staying up late talking to you on the phone or taking you out for ice cream once every few weeks.
He might act like a boyfriend when he’s around, but that doesn’t mean he is one.
Because when you two aren’t together, he’s not paying attention to you. He’s ignoring your calls, hanging out with his friends and acting like you don’t exist.
If a guy really loves you, his behaviour won’t change whether you’re sitting next to each other or 500 miles apart. He’ll make a real effort to see you as much as he can. He’ll act like your boyfriend because he likes being your boyfriend.
So even though you feel like a relationship with this player is just around the corner…it’s not. That’s just the mindset he cultivates in you so he can keep you around.
Ladies, and guys who land in the laps of the female counterparts, let go! Because you deserve so much better.
Stay in love.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.