There is never anytime that’s its more obvious that holidays are for couples more than Christmas time. Everywhere you look, you see couples enjoying the holidays, sometimes alone, sometimes with their family. The malls are full with these people, both married and unmarried ones.
I kid you not, Christmas as a couple is a special one and that resonated with me just days ago. A team member of mine at my place of worship at the beginning of the year, when we were sharing our goals and plans for the year, as we usually do, had mentioned that, she was in a steady relationship and hoped to be married before the year ran out.
Well, Ola is not married yet but is rocking some gorgeous engagement ring. You know that kind you actually turn inwards into your palm when you’re driving in Lagos traffic, to avoid stories that touch.
The change didn’t happen to her ring finger only. For all our Christmas day events, that we all would have been neck deep in preparation and ensuring things went well on the day, my team member was a no show; she was spending time with her new fiancé’s family and doing other couple-y things, only offering us moral support via our Whatsapp group, which I didn’t even get to see until later in the day.
It wasn’t funny being one pair of hands less but I would have done the same, if I were in her shoes. So, the singles and the forever-married got the job done. And that is all that counts.
That sounds like I have just offloaded my frustrations on you abi? Not to worry, I was just showing the difference between being a couple and being a single babe during this time.
So, for the lady, who finds herself single during this holiday, it is not the end of the world, as you will learn from some of my single friends that I spoke with, while trying to put this article together.
From Debbie: Do not stress
You are single, so what?!
Are you the first or the last to be single. Abeg, it’s not the end of the world. I’m the middle sister, my younger sister got married years ago, my older sister followed suit, my nieces and nephews are almost as tall as I am, and it is not the end of the year.
Being single is a status, not a death sentence. Stressing about it will lead you straight to the bottles. I have been down that path and know for a fact, it does no good.
Put that extra energy and frustration towards doing something fun!
From Ebele; Pepare to answer questions
You need to prepare for the questions from all your family members and friends, whom you only see at Christmas, or haven’t seen since 2000.
“How can a girl like you STILL be single?”, “When are you going to settle down?”, “Why don’t you let me set you up with my doctor?”, “When am I going to have grandbabies?!”, “You know you aren’t getting any younger right?”
Don’t worry about them! Just know they are merely trying to make a point that they have been married for 7 years with 3 children and you are still single.
All you need do in response is remind them, albeit subtly, that while, they are so lucky to have settled on the life that they have, you are a little bit luckier, because can do whatever the hell you would like to do with your life, whenever and wherever you would like to.
And if you don’t have the strength for the drama that will follow, just skip the parade altogether.
Faith says connect with family and old friends
Ironically, Faith found friends and family were her best support system during the holidays.
Hear her; “The holidays are a time of year to forgive and hopefully forget past grievances and to build new, stronger relationships with those nearest and dearest to me.
My family and friends remind me that I don’t just have a “special someone,” I have lots of special people in my life, who love and care about me. And that is something to be grateful and happy about! Even when they put their foot in it.”
Helen says pamper yourself
Often times when we are in a relationship a lot of our time and energy gets directed towards our significant other and we forget to take care of ourselves. I have done this so many time with me ending up frustrated but it’s all well and good and definitely in the past.
This December, I’m taking time to dote on and treat myself; splurge a little on some fancy, sparkly holiday manicures, get a deep tissue massage to work out the kinks. Enjoy more evenings out with girlfriends, go on carefree dates, if any come along or for the sake of it, just be a little more adventurous. I don’t know yet what exactly I will do, but I’m open to suggestions.
Dayo says do something nice for others
There is something about being nice to others that it boosts your spirits too.
I have found that when I feel lonely during this holiday, taking time to help others lift my mood. So I try to donate, show up at children’s parties to help out.
I tell you, nothing feels better as knowing I’m helping someone who needs it but can’t repay me. That does a lot of magic for me.
Osas says get your fix of holiday movies:
You can do this at home alone or with friends.
You can go to the movies and watch something hilarious and with the holiday spirit.
I tell you, it’s a wonderful way to get into the holiday spirit, laugh, smile and maybe even shed a few tears in the comforts of our home or in the darkness of the movie theatre.
It’s sure worth it.
The above are some real life experiences from my friends, who are single this holiday season.
They are not pining. They know their singlehood is a phase and will pass when it’s time.
Single or not, stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.