Uche had never felt so nervous about meeting a man as she was about meeting Daniel for the first time. True, they had chatted online, on BBM but it never felt the same way as a face to face meeting would. Besides, emotions were being stirred in each person, so that physical meeting was essential.
So, the first opportunity they had to be in the same city, Uche and Daniel arranged their very first date. At the first date however, there was a stilt air to their conversation, which is quite expected, considering they had never met before, expect online.
While Uche rambled on about her life, job and pretty much a rehash of what they had discussed previously. Daniel became the spectator, watching the drama that Uche acted. Daniel had been looking forward to connecting with Uche on a higher level than before but it was not to be. He had questions he wanted to ask, he had some things he wanted to clarify but no show.
So, he kept the questions he wanted to ask to himself and prayed that Uche would wind down and the date would be over. But the real reason, Uche had turned into a talkative was because she was nervous and was trying to fill in the silent moments that arose between them. In the end both of them got nothing from that date. The physical date did not match up the chemistry they had built over time online.
The issue with that date was pretty obvious, someone was talking too much and in the process sharing information that were not helpful. A person might consider himself a great communicator but all they do is basically talk which is just a part of the communication process. It is important to talk but it is more important to listen to other people, while on a date. The awkward silence that Uche was trying to avoid is an acceptable part of first dates but it can be avoided with targeted questions that will give both parties something to talk about.
For Doyin, who was already infatuated with her love interest, she honestly had no question in her mind when she went on the longed after date. That date was a dream come true. For years, she had wanted this guy to take notice of her. She had tried all she could except out rightly ask him out on a date; she had dropped hints with him directly, with his friends, with her friends, who would likely have contact with him but it did not work out.
Instead, he dated other girls and Doyin heart was broken over and over again, each time he broke up with a girl and started dating another. But she bore it well, always having a smile on her face whenever they met.
When he was in between girlfriends, he asked her out and she grabbed it with both hands; here was her chance to show him what a real girlfriend should be like, she thought but it turned out that first date, was a front row seat into a journey into his life and his girls. It was all about how girls kept breaking his heart. It became pretty obvious the reason for the date. He needed someone to pour out his heart to.
This was another epic fail for a first date. What should a first date be like you might ask? One, it should not be about you, as I have mentioned earlier. It should be an enjoyable avenue to get to the other person as much as possible, not to dump your family secrets, your bad habits on them. No, as it is often said, you will not get a second chance to make a first impression so make it count. Listen more than you talk.
Another thing you could do on a first date is not ask personal or sensitive questions. That will make the other person defensive. You don’t need that. Trying to ask serious questions is alright but for heaven’s sake, there is nothing at stake here, it is simply an opportunity to find out if you liked that person enough to go into a relationship with them. So take it easy.
Some of the questions asked on this first date will help you learn more about your date, which will in turn help you determine, if you can date him/her exclusively. These questions include:
How was your family like while you were up? This question will help you find out about your date’s childhood, if there were any issues there and if your date has hang ups about it. You wouldn’t want to deal with someone who does not think the word stupid is an insult because it was regularly used while he was growing up. It will never be an insult, unless there is a change of heart.
Who is the biggest influence in your life? Remember, these questions are supposed to help you unravel your date but be ready to give some answers too, allowing for a healthy conversation. Knowing the person with the most influence in his life will enable you to know what the future holds, as he is more likely to pattern his life on the model of the person. When a person is mentioned, ask for reasons, why that person is influential to him and see if there are traits of that person in them.
Have you figured out your life’s purpose? This is a deep question for a first date but it will help you determine if your purposes match; if you can help with their purpose in the future, should you decide to take it farther from the first date.
Do you have goals you are pursuing right now? This is to find out if there are other things in life that consumes your date. The knowledge that your date has a goal at all is a positive sign and if they are taking active steps to pursue that goal, then you have got a winner.
Tell me something about yourself that is not known to many? Now, this is the opportunity for your date to tell you about himself from his own perspective. What he thinks of himself. Be prepared to tell the truth. Tell of your great points mostly though.
These are some of the questions you need to ask. They will help you find out more about your date and also keep the conversation wheel turning in a good way.
I hope you don’t kiss many frogs before finding Prince charming!