One of the most common questions I get from people and that I’ve heard others, in general, ask is “How do you know when you’re fully over someone?”
To be honest, there is no real way to know. There’s no defining moment or time when you decide to get over someone you’ve lost.
It just happens.
The important thing to remember is that everyone is different, and the moment you realize you are, in fact, over your ex will come when you least expect it.
For me, that moment came when I allowed myself to be truly and genuinely loved by a new person.
I’ve talked about trust issues, being single and all the nightmares that come with it, so obviously after being so severely hurt, it was a process to get to the point that I’m at now.
To this day, there are still moments that are hard for me; there are reminders and old wounds that still sting sometimes.
I think when something extremely sad happens to you, you will probably carry it with you for the rest of your life. The important thing is to keep the lessons it taught you and let go of the bad stuff.
“Keep the lessons it taught you and let go of the bad stuff.”
That challenge is one that cannot be completed easily, and time does, as they say, heal all wounds. It also helps to have someone who will understand your hesitations and support you instead of ditch you (talking to you, fuckboys).
The time between a prior relationship and a new one is tricky… maybe you do have trust issues, maybe you’re paranoid, maybe your new flame is… there are so many factors that play into how this new relationship will progress.
For me, I finally felt free when I could listen to songs that used to make me cry and stare out of the bus window (like I was in a sad music video) and feel nothing.
It was when I woke up and didn’t think of that person anymore. It was when I went to bed and didn’t have my ex’s face stuck to the back of my eyelids.
After a certain period of time, I realized I missed the feeling I had associated with them, and not them as a person. Additionally, I realized it’s very possible to miss something or someone and not necessarily want it or them back.
I compared each moment and situation with my new love to my old one, which is normal. Except, this time, I felt genuine happiness, satisfaction, respect and adoration.
“I realized I missed the feeling I had associated with them, and not them as a person.”
Feelings that were unfamiliar to me, things that I was afraid of before, were now welcomed into my life because I finally felt like I deserved to be happy.
With that said, I strongly believe getting over someone has a lot to do with self-worth. When someone hurts you, you sometimes feel like you don’t deserve to be happy.
Why else would the universe allow something so painful to exist in your life, right?
It’s easy to be jaded, to hurt other people, to punish the person who hurt you. That may work for you for a while, but it becomes tiresome and empty eventually. More importantly, it isn’t real; it’s just a temporary Band-Aid.
People always say it’s hard to be happy, but I think it’s harder to be sad. Being sad takes effort, you remind yourself every day not to smile, not to have fun, not to let someone in because you’re supposed to be hard, jaded and unobtainable.
“People always say it’s hard to be happy, but I think it’s harder to be sad.”
That’s no way to live.
So, if you’re struggling with letting someone go and you don’t know where to start, try allowing yourself to be happy without questioning whether or not you should be.
Let it happen because, like me, you deserve it.