It’s just the first week of the year 2017 and I can tell you for free that some of us have already broken some of the resolutions we made for this year, but does that mean that I will throw in the towel? Heck no, I’m going to be keep trying until I get it right, or find a better way to make it work.
You know why? I’m not a perfectionist and the truth is, I have never been. I have never been one to beat up myself for not achieving a goal. I have always instead found another way to get what I want. I must tell you this approach has got me in trouble sometimes and made me seem too laid back, but I have always gotten what I want and in the end, that’s what counts.
Apart from my husband, I have another accountability partner, who is known for getting things done, and especially for doing it on time. I want her vibe for this year. I need speed and thus liase with her but already my accountability partner is complaining about her uncooperative partner, and is ready to go with the flow, hence this article.
Okay, the truth is, I need her to do this with me. I don’t want to do it alone, after all there is a proverb that say, a broomstick can do little harm but when it’s a bunch, it can do plenty harm. I want to do plenty harm to my bad habits this year.
So here’s something to give my accountability partner, and other people like her, another reason to stay the course and not go with the flow, besides that was 2016 flow.
Like I said earlier, the one thing that can undo all the good is perfectionism. It’s a good attitude but it’s also a bad one. Being a perfectionist is a sneaky little condition that sabotages even the strongest convictions in all sorts of underhanded ways.
Perfectionism is the little voice whispering that “You’re not good enough, not deserving enough” and just plain, “You’re not doing it right.” You know, that voice that’s making my accountability partner think of going with the flow, rather than find another way of getting Mister to cooperate.
A perfectionist, attentive to detail attitude in either or pray not, both partners can spell danger for any couple’s New Year resolutions. And I’m not just saying that. There are reasons, stuff that has happened to people, some repented perfectionist and others still struggling with the OCD but at least, they know they have a condition that needs monitoring.
And here we go:
It’s all or nothing where perfectionism is concerned
Well, this is one of the most dangerous tricks perfectionism has up its sleeve; the one that equates anything short of complete success with total failure.
Now, it doesn’t matter what the goal is; a New Year resolution, getting a car, buying a house. All that saying of aiming for the stars and if you fall on the moon, it’s fine, doesn’t cut it with a perfectionist.
To a perfectionist, it’s the stars or nothing. So, if I have a New Year resolution to be intentionally kind to DH and myself, and if it looks like DH has become extra irritating all of a sudden, then the perfectionist me will just go back to my annoying self too, even though it’s just three days into the year.
But no. No perfectionist or lazy trait will rob me of my tolerance for my imperfect progress…at least, there is progress and that counts a lot right now.
I have already cut myself some slack and hope that my accountability partner will do same and recognize that persistence is far more important to success than flawless performance or immediate results.
You never get started
Now, I think, whether a perfectionist or not, we have all been at this junction at one time or the other.
The “someday” syndrome plagues perfectionists. You think too much about your dream – your dream book, your dream house, your dream car or family or dog – so much that you never quite get started. You never take that first step because what if it’s not the perfect first step?
Sorry to break it to you, but 2017 is going already and if you don’t get started on the resolutions, you might just find that, come 31st Dec, 2017, they are still resolutions, nothing was done, because the time supposedly wasn’t right.
You never experience the joy of accomplishment
Well, since you never started in the first place, there is no way, that special feeling that comes with knowing you have achieved something can be felt.
When you are a perfectionist, you sabotage your feelings of accomplishment with worry and second-guessing and passing judgement on what you have done especially if you are not happy with the results.
Ask yourself then what’s the point? If you cannot enjoy the fruits of your labour, then why do it? When you withhold this joy, it kills your enthusiasm for another opportunity and life just becomes bland.
If either partner has this trait, then the other needs to be the reckless, risk-taker, otherwise, again, life becomes bland.
Perfectionism loves to make unhealthy comparisons
Okay, I will admit, I might be a bit guilty of this, but I’m learning to water my grass, my side of the fence and my accountability partner has been mandated to whip me into shape, when I go off tangent.
You see, it’s almost natural, as we are conditioned to define ourselves in comparison to others. Our society, media do a good job of brainwashing our minds in that regard.
However, comparing myself to others will always set me up for a bad fall or a worse, a pity party, because there will always be someone younger, prettier, smarter, more fit, more wealthy, more successful, got a better husband, or wife, or whatever it is, I’m fixated on at that moment (Of course, there is also that temporary fix you can get from judging others as inferior, but that it doesn’t last.)
Rather, appreciating my uniqueness and setting realistic standards that work for me is the key, like the resolutions I have set to make my marriage a better one in year 2017.
That is all that matters now, what others have or don’t have is none of my business.
Come what may, I’m sticking to my resolutions.
So help me God!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.