Moving from the friend-zone to lovers-zone

Greg had fell in love with Nicole, from the first day he saw her at her office. He had come for a meeting and while waiting at the reception, she had walked past. He caught her fragrance and looked up from the Forbes magazine he was reading, she was so beautiful, with her face set beautifully as she walked confidently by. She walked briskly but Greg was quick to notice her nicely tailored skirt suit that flaunted her curves, leaving hot legs to his admiration, her feet clad in sexy black pumps. “Just my kinda girl” Greg said to himself, smiling. As fate would have it, the Manager he needed to see wasn’t around, and when Nicole returned from her lunch break, she ushered him into her office for their meeting. “Mind going out for drinks with me?” He found himself asking, just as their meeting was coming to an end. She hesitated a bit, before responding in the affirmative, “as long as it is just a friendly drink and nothing else.” “Sure!” he replied, and they went on to check their schedules for a suitable evening.

Thus began the two year friendship between them. Nicole was already engaged to someone else at the time they met, but Greg really enjoyed her company, so they remained friends. Unconsciously however, his head was filled with thoughts and dreams of Nicole, that he couldn’t imagine himself dating someone else. He was there for her any way that she needed him, and Nicole soon grew really fond of him and turned to him for support, and care. After about two years, she broke up with her fiancé when she caught him in bed with someone he had introduced to her as his cousin. Not surprisingly, Greg was her go-to person for venting, crying and sobbing. He proved to be a strong pillar of support, helping her get over the guy and back on her feet. She was so self-destructive initially that she even temporarily moved in with Greg, just to prevent herself from doing something silly.

As Nicole nursed her broken heart, she began to see Greg in a whole light. In every place that her ex had fallen short, Greg had measured up. He was godly, decent, kind and funny. They shared a lot of the same hobbies and even liked the same kind of movies. He was driven, ambitious and adventurous. Greg was the perfect blend of a man who was considerate, but who could also hold his own. He wasn’t one to be push around, but he was humble and meek. She knew about orphanages that he sent money to on monthly basis, and the young people in his village that he paid school fees for. She knew all the beehive of ladies that flocked around him, because he always used her as an excuse to get them off his back. What lady would not like Greg anyways? He never forgot her birthdays and he even brought her flowers :flowers5: and chocolates that one time she was hospitalized.

She began to put two and two together and realized that Greg had always liked her. He was probably too gentlemanly to attempt snatching her from her fiancé, and decided to remain in the friend-zone she had placed him. In a space of two weeks, Nicole found herself having a serious crush on Greg. She was given him green lights and somehow it looked as though, he was oblivious to her flirting. Maybe he wanted to be super-sure before getting his hope high, maybe he wanted to tease a bit, just for the fun of it. The night he took her back to her place, she invited him in for a drink, and they somehow kissed! “I have been wanting to do this since forever” Greg muttered, as she took his lips again and kissed him passionately. That night, Nicole was worried about their imminent transition. She was scared of dating Greg and losing their friendship entirely if things didn’t go well, but she liked him too so much, and he liked her too. That night, she called me for advice and I had plenty to say.

The great news was that they were on the same page; that fact had already been established. I advised her to take things slow with him. The temptation to rush things when transitioning from friends to lovers is huge, because you already feel comfortable with that person, but friendship is different from relationships, and you should still take things slow. Take things one step at a time, see what feels right and go with the flow. Knowing Nicole, I also advised her to guard against jealousy. Since they have been friends for a while, she probably knew some of his secrets which involved girls. Don’t play the jealous card when those girls show up, don’t use what he told you in the past against him. Resist the temptation to see each other too often. You are not going to be his only preoccupation because you have gone from buddies to lovers. He still has other friends and other engagements. The one sure way of ruining a friends-to-lover transitions is to choke each other with calls, texts, messages and visits. Probably, one of the things that got him hooked on you was your unavailability. The minute you make yourself too available, he would get bored and move on to the next pursuit. Remember that guys liked to chase, and when you were with someone else, he wanted what he thought was unattainable, maintain that mystery.

Finally, things should not change so dramatically. You want to add a bit of romance, without losing the friendships all together. The best kind of relationships is the one between friends. Never forget the laughter and fun things you did together. No matter how long you guys are together, never forget the qualities that made him your good friend in the first place. This could be your best decision yet!

All the best!! :loveangel:

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Photo Credits

  1. www.blog.jiji.com
  2.  www.thefertilechickonline.com
  3. www.essence.com

 

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