I have a very wonderful girlfriend, and everyday I thank God for her and I hope I can give her the happiness she truly deserves. However, we have a few misunderstandings from time to time, as we did recently. I do not get wary when we quarrel over minor issues like she causing me to miss a match, for me forgetting to pick her up from the salon or me changing my mind about eating pounded yam, just when the food is almost ready. Those misunderstandings I can deal with…but I hate when we fight about money. Whenever we have those silly little fights, I am confident that we would make up and get back on track. However, whenever we quarrel over money, fear grips my heart and I start having crazy visions of Chinelo leaving me for another man. You can say that I am still haunted by the ghosts of the past, and although I try my best not to let my past dictate my present or future, my ego as a male would be crushed if I get dumped because of money again, so I get paranoia inside my head whenever Chinelo and I quarrel over money…but it is sometimes hard to resist such fights.
Money ruined my past relationship…or should I say, love of money ruined my past relationship. Sometimes, I try to make excuses for Betty. She had just moved to an expensive city and what she was earning as a corp member was obviously not enough to sustain her in a place like Abuja. She had needs definitely and with other girls taking the easy way out to survive, I guess she bit the bug as well. In my heart, I know Betty loved me and dated her boss out of financial constraints. That was what she tried explaining to me, when she was begging that I take her back. But my bruised heart couldn’t fathom the level of betrayal that I was meted.
Considering the fact that we started dating from our first year in university, I still saw Betty as innocent and naive, and never imagined that she would date a man old enough to be her father, just for monetary gains. Her parents already paid for her apartment in the suburbs of Abuja, but apparently, she wanted to live in the city and be a big girl. She traded her body for money, and although she enjoyed what money tasted like; it wasn’t long until Honorable decided he wanted another chick. You see, that’s what happens when you make a human being the source of your income; you always come up short.
Some time back, I made a promise to Chinelo to take her to Eiffel Towers and even went arrogant as I said we were going to stay at the Hilton hotel on the Paris vacation. I had money tied up in about four places and recently two of those investments paid off, and a friend told me about a land deal, that the money I had was just barely going to take care of. Granted, I promised Chinelo a vacation, and her annual leave was almost due, and i if I went on with the land deal, we were going to miss out on Paris this year. But as a business-minded person that I am, I couldn’t imagine letting that land deal go, so I begged her to chill for me to get dividends from another investment, for us to make the trip, but she insisted that she couldn’t postpone her leave, and it was now or never. I mistakenly said “So vacation is now more important than this land that I have to be ehnnn? Would vacation give me money? I am trying to make investment for our future, but you just want to go to Paris and spend money”. In her ever calm demeanor, she replied “I didn’t beg you to take me to Paris Obiora, you made that promise of your own volition, and now, you can’t keep to your word. I am disappointed that I applied for a leave for nothing, now I am going to spend the entire leave in this Lagos. Or maybe, I would just go to Southhampton and visit my sister, after all, I earn a living!” She then turned on her heel and walked out of my house.
Although I tried calling her to apologize for my wrong choice of words, she refused talking to me for days, I went on and bought the property. When she eventually came around, I apologized for shifting our Paris vacation. I explained to her that I wasn’t going back on my promise and I was still going to take her to Paris, at a later time. The key to resolving money matters, or any other matter in a relationship is communication, understanding and compromise. I explained to her how important buying property was, and that such deals don’t come all the time. The person selling the property needed urgent cash and had to sell off the property at a price lower than market price, and I had to take the opportunity. I asked her what her major grievance was; because if it was Paris, we were still going to go. It was then she opened up to me, that her major grievance was that she already scheduled her leave and she planned to spend at least two weeks with me, somewhere that wasn’t Lagos.
We resolved our issue and decided to go spend two weeks of her vacation in Uyo, and then, I would return to continue work, while she goes to London to see her relatives. All is well that ends well, right? Any couple determined to have a lasting relationship must communicate effectively, not just throwing words that hurt the other party. Both parties must also be willing to listen and understand the other person’s point of view, and then, they should both meet halfway…compromising on their individual needs, to cater to the collective need of the relationship. Ciao!