Regardless if you’ve been in a relationship for years, are dating or if you could care less about marriage right now, it’s important to develop a healthy attitude toward love. And I hate to break your balls about it — but by the age of 30, you should have a firm understanding of what you want, what you believe, what you’ll settle for and what you hope for when it comes to your love life.
From how you treat a woman to what you crave with a companion to how many children you want to have, these dating and relationship experts share the 10 things every man should know about love before he’s 30. No pressure.
How to meet women
Relationship and sex expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk says by the age of 30, a man should have more varied interest than just where his next brew is coming from. “You are probably not going to meet the love of your life in a bar,” she says. “Not that it never happens, but typically, people have a better chance of meeting someone compatible when they aren’t under the influence of alcohol and they are around like-minded people.”
How To Get Past The First Date
According to a 2015 study, 51% of men imagine their future with their partner on a first date. If you fall into this half, you might have vivid fantasies but actually lack the ability to get past one date. According to relationship expert Lori Bizzoco, you might be feeling unsure how to get into something serious because you’re trying to figure out where you stand in the relationship, even if only subconsciously. “For centuries, men have always saw their place as the caretaker, but now they are trying to figure out where they fit in as women don’t need caretakers as often,” she says.
That It’s Not About Your Wallet
Many men are driven to be successful and to be providers — both for themselves and for the future they visualize. But here’s the thing: what really matters is how you treat someone, not how much money you have. And if you’re holding out until you have it all together to settle down, you might be waiting… well, forever. Dr. Kirk says attracting the right woman will come when you’re able to be vulnerable and know that you might not have everything figured out, but you’re in it for the long haul.
How To Let Go
Still holding onto lusty dreams of the girl you dated in college (who, um, according to Facebook is now married with child)? Can’t stop thinking about the woman who first broke your heart? Dr. Kirk says that by the time you reach your third decade, you need to let go of ladies who let you down. “Sometimes you have to allow incompatible partners to self-select out of a relationship with you,” Dr. Kirk. “If they don’t, or didn’t, want to be with you, they are probably saving you longer heartache down the way. It is often a blessing in disguise.”
What You Really Want
It might scare you to really sit down and think hard about what you want out of a future marriage or relationship, but Bizzoco says that not only is self-awareness good for you — it’s sexy. You shouldn’t only consider your partner, but also how you’re doing as one. What could you improve on? What are some of your weaknesses as a boyfriend? “Every man should be able to practice open, honest, self-evaluation,” she says. “A woman will like a man who can truly express his feelings and feel comfortable in his own skin.”
How To Communicate – And Listen
If you still haven’t figured out how to hold a kickass conversation— or argument — with someone you love, it’s time to study up. “Men should be able to listen without interrupting, judging or blaming. Women look for men who are open to other opinions and can talk about their feelings,” Bizzoco says. “They should know that doing all of these things will help their relationship grow stronger.”
How To Know If Your Relationship Is Healthy
“Being with the right person should help you feel good about yourself — not worse. This seems like a no-brainer, but it happens all of the time,” Dr. Kirk says. “For whatever reason, you are attracted to a person who doesn’t treat you well, talks down to you or is highly jealous. These relationships can hurt your self-esteem and affect your quality of life.” Don’t ignore the signs of an unhealthy relationship — and get out so you don’t waste time looking for a better, happier one.
How To Be Faithful
If you want a monogamous relationship, it’s time to take ‘keeping your options open’ off your Facebook profile. “A man should be mature enough to know what he wants and what he doesn’t,” Bizzoco says. “If something isn’t working you should be able to let your partner know and make the decisions that need to be made to fix the situation.”
Whether You Want To Live Together
Sure, you might already be shacking up with your lady, but if you’re not and you see it going somewhere, you need to start thinking about it. If you’re single, consider if sharing a home before you share a last name is an important step for you. According to the aforementioned Singles in America study, men are more likely to want to move in with their partner sooner: 33% of men would sign a lease after 6 to 12 months of dating compared to 23% of women.
That ‘The One’ Doesn’t Exist (But That’s OK)
You might have a perfect woman carved out in your mind, but women — like men — are never going to fit one single mold. There isn’t one single person destined for you… but many people you could be happy with, says Dr. Kirk. Make a list of what you want in a partner — and then figure out which traits you could compromise on. Chances are you’ve likely let at least one person who could have been incredible get away. Keep your heart open — it’ll get you so much further.
Culled from www.askmen.co.uk