When you’re in love, it’s normal to want to do everything in your power to make your significant other happy.
You’ve finally opened your heart back up to feeling vulnerable, and you’re excited to take that risk to allow yourself to be completely open to someone new.
You find yourself selflessly making yourself more and more available, and you’re willing to drop everything you’re doing to be at that person’s side.
But, as time goes on, you begin to realize you’re always the one to say, “I love you” first.
You’ll realize your tally of favors are quickly adding up, while his or hers have stayed stagnant since the start.
You’ll realize your honey isn’t as sweet as you once thought and he or she puts in little to no effort to demonstrate how much the relationship means to him or her.
Not all relationships start out one-sided, but most end this way.
It’s usually a product of one person falling madly and deeply in love, rather than sharing their partner’s less intense feelings of slight infatuation.
If you think you may be in a one-sided relationship, you might want to consider getting out before continuing down a long, painful, heartbreaking road. Being in a one-sided partnership leaves you feeling like your relationship needs aren’t being met because you’re the one putting in all of the work.
But, when you’re in love, it’s easy to be blinded by the signs of a one-sided romance. So if you think you may be at risk of being in a one-sided battle, here are a few things to keep an eye out for:
1. You initiate most communication.
You send the text messages, you make the phone calls and you put in the effort to see one another throughout the week. If you don’t, several days could go by without exchanging a single word.
If you’re the one making most of the plans to spend quality time together and go out of your way to show the other person how much he or she means to you, chances are you’re in a one-sided love affair. If you always have to be the first one to make contact, you should get out now.
2. He or she never returns the favor.
A tell-tale sign of a one-sided love story is if your partner never hesitates to ask favors of you that requires you to sacrifice your time and energy, yet when it’s time to reciprocate the favor, he or she never seems to have the time.
Your partner will say he or she has too much on his or her plate or that he or she too busy with work or a previous engagement.
Your partner might say that he or she has too many other obligations to address, and may get angry and tell you that you’re expecting and wanting too much from him or her if you express any signs of disappointment.
In your partner’s mind, you doing favors for him or her is a given, not vice versa.
3. He or she always chooses his or her friends over you.
When your boyfriend or girlfriend feels like going out, he or she doesn’t invite you to come along. And when he or she feels like spending a night in, you don’t get an invite to that, either.
If you try to address the problem, your partner will accuse you of “nagging” and of instigating the same fight over and over again.
So instead, you may ask him or her to spend time with you and your friends, but he or she rejects the offer. Your partner simply prefers calling up his or her friends and spending time with them, leaving you at home alone wondering what you did wrong.
4. You feel a need to apologize for things you shouldn’t apologize for.
If you’re in a one-sided relationship, your partner is probably a master of guilt-tripping and making you feel bad for things you have no reason to worry over, like getting emotional, or needing to talk about something that’s been on your mind.
Yes, a relationship is meant to bring happiness into each other’s lives, but that doesn’t mean your partner isn’t responsible for comforting you when you feel down. Part of being in a relationship is being there for the other person when life isn’t carefree. You should never apologize when looking for your significant other’s support.
5. You feel a need to justify your his or her behavior to your family and friends.
Like why he or she didn’t show up to family dinner, or why didn’t do anything special for your birthday or why him or her getting angry over trivial matters is okay. You constantly make excuses for why he or she treat you the way he or she does.
You have to reassure your loved ones (and yourself) that this relationship is right for you; that despite the negative sides to this romance, the positives outweigh all of the tears and arguments.
You reassure them that even though they don’t see it and despite all the bullsh*t your partner puts you through, deep down, he or she truly loves you.
6. He or she ignores relationship problems.
You’re constantly the one trying to talk about the relationship needs that aren’t being met, and your significant other makes you feel bad for doing it.
You mention you feel as though you’re the only one putting in effort to make this relationship work, and he or she rolls their eyes, sighs heavily and get angry with you yet again.
He or she doesn’t want to address any problems, because he or she doesn’t care enough. So you feel like you’re left with two options: trying to fix the issues yourself, or ignoring the problems altogether.
7. You constantly feel stressed out.
You are constantly worrying that the relationship is on the brink of falling apart, and that it’s all your fault.
Or that you’re trying to hard to show your partner how much you love them and annoy them in the process.
Or that when the two of you are together, your boyfriend or girlfriend would rather be anywhere but with you.
Yes, you should take the time to reflect on your relationship and evaluate what aspects should be worked on, but that doesn’t mean you should overanalyze everything to the point of nearing an anxiety attack. If your partner is making you feel that stressed out and insecure, then you shouldn’t be with him or her.
8. He or she doesn’t care about you. Plain and simple.
You get the feeling that he or she doesn’t care about you, and you’re right. This person doesn’t.
The bottom line is, if you’re in a one-sided relationship, your partner simply doesn’t care about your well-being or making you happy. A caring boyfriend or girlfriend has genuine interest in your day-to-day life. He or she will check in regularly to see what you’re up to and frequently ask to spend time with you.
But your partner doesn’t do that. No matter how much you hope your partner will, he or she won’t. His or her “I-don’t-care-about-you” attitude is never going to change. And the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can leave him or her behind.
Realizing that you’re in a one-sided relationship is tough, admitting it to yourself is even harder and putting an end to the destructive romance is the most crushing part of it all.
But when you finally do choose to end the relationship, be sure to surround yourself with the support of your family and friends. Even though your significant other was never there for you, you’re going to need people to turn to now.
Make a list of all the reasons you ended the relationship. That way, if your partner tries to come crawling back, you’ll have something to refer to that will remind you of why you got out of the relationship in the first place.
Remember you gave that person all the chances in the world to change his or her behavior, and he or she chose not to every single time. So do yourself a favor and save yourself the time, energy and pain of going back into a relationship that did nothing but hurt you and your confidence every single day.
People who love with their whole heart are rare, special and unfortunately, tend to be taken for granted. If you’re one of those people, don’t feel bad and never apologize for being who you are.
You’ll have your fair share of heartbreak, and your boyfriend or girlfriend may not always recognize what you have to offer.
But as long as you continue to eliminate the toxic, unappreciative people from your life, you’ll find the one who loves you equally and unconditionally, which is exactly what you deserve.