It’s confirmed. Jay-Z accepts that he is the world’s biggest fool for cheating on Beyoncé. Thankfully, the rest of us had already reached consensus on that.
In his new album, 4:44, the rapper confesses to a host of extra-marital scandals, bitterly repenting each. ‘What good is a menage a trois when you have a soul mate?’ is just one of the many soul-searching questions posed in the new release.
It’s amazing how quickly therapy can change the way you think
Their troubled relationship has been the subject of wild speculation for over a year. Since the release of Beyoncé’s iconic Lemonade album, we’ve been invited to ask: what exactly is the nature of Jigga’s offence? What did he say to Solange in the lift? Who exactly is
Becky with the good hair how did she summon the sheer gall to cross queen B and her notorious hive of diehard fans?
All these important questions may now be laid to rest, as it seems the king and queen of music are on sure footing once again, parents to three kids and still happily married.
We could probably learn a lot from the two about weathering betrayal and making amends. Sadly, outside of their very public album drops, both remain fiercely private individuals, so we won’t be expecting practical relationship tips any time soon.
For those who find themselves in Jay’s shoes – and sadly, there are many out there – here are a few guidelines for coming clean.
1. Be honest with your partner
Now is not the time for damage control, ‘forgotten’ pieces of information or a campaign of smoke and mirrors.
In order to restore trust, full disclosure is necessary. Censoring your confession will lead to a flimsy resolution, and you’ll feel the foundations of your relationship shift uneasily beneath your feet. Ultimately, that general apprehension you before will simply linger.
It’s not just about confessing past crimes, however.
It’s equally important to be honest about your sense of the future.
Resist the temptation to roll out comforting platitudes – ‘It will never happen again’, ‘I’ve gotten it out of my system’ – if these don’t feel true. An open discussion now will hopefully spare you a much more bruising conversation further down the line.
2. Be honest with yourself
Cheating can be symptomatic of other, relationship problems. It’s important to be realistic with yourself and question why the infidelity occurred in the first place. In the heat of a crisis you may instinctively try to preserve the relationship at any cost. You may also grow nostalgic for happier times and end up sentimentalising things beyond recognition.
However, if you have misgivings, it’s important to pinpoint them and explore if and how they can be fixed. A desperate attempt to ‘get back to the way things were’ will see you chasing after an unsatisfying fantasy.
3. Get external help
Humans are hardly rational at the best of times. Adultery, however, can propel us to the furthest reaches of irrationality, uncharted terrain of bias and bad blood. While you may feel you’re being level-headed and totally, one hundred per cent objective and not defensive at all, it’s possible your feelings may be clouding things.
Couple’s counselling or therapy sessions can help keep things on an even keel contributing a baseline of independent thought. Having a trusted, external arbiter can also help carve a safe space that allows you both to access buried feelings and be more forthcoming with them.
4. …But be selective about the counsel you keep
Friends will want to weigh in. Family members will have strong opinions. Hell, even strangers will toss in their two cents and tell you about a ‘similar situation’ they’ve encountered.
Most of these people will be well-intentioned, hoping to offer comfort or direction. During a time of crisis, it can be extremely tempting to rely on this sort of guidance and fall back on their advice.
However, be wary of inviting too many opinions and confusing the situation. Ultimately, you and your partner with have a better grasp of the nuances of your relationship than that guy at the pub. Be especially cautiously of seeking advice from friends who will de facto back you up as you’ll naturally gravitate towards them.
Ultimately, a painful process of introspection is necessary in order to reach a resolution with any substance.
5. Don’t seize the limelight.
Guilt has been gnawing at you for weeks. Now, remorse sweeps through you and maybe even a bit of confusing relief. You’ve got a lot going on inside and a lot to get of your chest.
However, if you find that you are doing most of the talking, something has gone totally wrong.
Overwhelming your partner with your side of things or your own emotional journey is a way of stifling theirs. Don’t dictate the terms of their grief, listen, be receptive and take it from there.
Culled from http://metro.co.uk/