For Lola, it was a case of going from one bad relationship to another; with Johnson, she got a man who was a smooth operator of the highest order. He warmed his way into her heart, they got engaged and, he came for the introduction to the rest of her family alongside his parents; a day, which she solely sponsored from her business funds.
And then trouble started, he started to go for vigils in different churches, and he demanded that she went him to the churches, where they saw visions and could pray over her already booming business. Lola did not want to go but she did not want to offend her fiancé even more, so she went. The so called pastors told her she had some sort of spiritual husband who didn’t want her to get married. They also said if she did get married, her husband’s life was going to be troubled by the spirit man, and she was also not going to get pregnant.
Lola was perplexed; this was more than she bargained for! She had gone along to the church because of her fiancé. She thought they were simply going to pray for her business, not relationships. While she was still thinking about the prophecy she had just heard, Johnson was nodding his head in perfect understanding and it was pretty much glaring that he aligned with the spiritual husband school of thought and the harm it could wrought. Lola wondered why Johnson did not see the fault in this ‘prophecy.’ Well, that church visit spelled the end of their relationship. Johnson stated he was not interested in competing with her ‘spiritual husband.’ Although, it was very hard to explain to her friends and family why that relationship ended, she did and moved on.
Some months later, she met Yemi, who was a classic tall, dark and handsome guy but he was not the sum total of his physical appearance; he was good to her, too good to her that Lola became suspicious of him and his generosity. However, he was not in any rush to get married or even engaged. He liked the way things were. Yemi kept Lola busy for one whole year, no commitment, no plans, no promises made. Every time, she brought up the matter of their future together, the standard response was, “Don’t you like the way we are, let’s not dilute this thing with marriage, it’s just a ring and a piece of paper.”
In a bid not to appear desperate, Lola accepted that she did not want to ‘dilute‘ whatever it was they had. Even as she knew, she was not getting younger, her younger sister was already planning her wedding and she was nowhere close to getting a ring.
Lola had not always been meek and accepting of the excesses of men. She had been a runz girl, who had no time for small small boys, she went for the big fish and that was how she rolled until the finally year in the university when she had a powerful encounter with God and decided to redirect her path. With the money she had saved up, she was able to set up her fashion and beauty business and in no time, it was turning a success; she was flowing in the returns of the business. That alone attracted all sorts of men towards her but she was very picky but even the ones she picked turned out to be very far from her expectations.
After one and half year of staying stuck with Yemi, Lola broke down, she cried out to her Creator wondering why a real man was yet to come her way since she repented. Why she seemed to be holding the short straws in the matter of the heart in her family. All her sisters were in promising relationships, why her, she lamented.
She reflected on her life before now and actually believed she was being punished for the life she had lived. For the women she had caused heartaches, when she dated their husbands. For the homes that her affairs had torn apart. The law of karma was at work in her life. Lola believed until she had paid for the heartaches she caused, she might likely not find true love. All these thoughts came, even though she was now a Christian.
However, she still went ahead to talk with Yemi about their relationship, or was it situationship. He was still on about not wanting to dilute things but this time around, she spoke up and said she would really like to get married, not just be in a relationship, however, loving it was. Lola wanted the ring and the piece of paper. The conversation ended abruptly and they are yet to finish it.
It’s been almost a month since Lola last saw Yemi, he was not picking calls nor replying messages, so your guess is as good as mine. Unless a miracle of some sort happens, Lola is single again, aged 30.
We live in a world where it is believed that what goes round comes around, what you give will ultimately come back to you. There are even several proverbs and sayings to that effect but is that truly the way things work?
Is a relationship doomed from its start because of what was done or nor done in a past relationship? Does it mean that every new relationship is beleaguered with the burden of a relationship that it knew nothing about?
I’m asking lots of questions when I should be providing answers. Anyway my take is this; every relationship has a life of its own. Every partner who goes into a relationship, goes in with his or her goals. Those are what determine how successful or otherwise a relationship would be, not the history of the partner; whether, they were the ones who left their last partner high and dry, whether they cheated or were cheated on.
So for me, each relationship deserves to be judged on its own merits. Let the baggage stay in the past.
As for Lola, she needs to let go of the mentality of being punished for her past life.
Karma or no karma; life happens! Roll with the punches and ensure you come out on top…
Kristine is a straight-talking woman. She has had a three-year stint as an agony aunt with a national daily, dealing with varied relationship issues. She is married with kids and ultimately believes that fear and pride are the Achilles heels of relationships.