Jay’s Dating Diary 26: The End!


31st December, 2012

Thank you all for following me through my dating year journey. The year and challenge has now come to an end. I am thankful for the experience and have learnt a lot from it. Even though it sometimes felt like a chore to publish new post I enjoyed writing about my dating experiences and my thoughts on relationships, love, lust and the other things I gave my opinion on.

Before I go into what I’ve learnt from the whole experience I’d like to give a quick update on the guys I dated during the year. I haven’t seen or spoken to the majority of them. I haven’t stayed in contact with the 4 that knew about my challenge and most of the others who didn’t. I’ve only really stayed in touch with 2, John & Ricardo and communication with them has been sporadic. John has been so kind to me and he could potentially be a good friend but as I mistakenly sent him the link to my blog site I haven’t maintained communication with him since realising the silly mistake I made. I don’t know if he has read my blog or not, but he hasn’t contacted me as he usually does to check up on me, so he may have read it. As for Ricardo after our second date I told him on Blackberry messenger (bbm) that I didn’t want us to see each other anymore. He tried to call me a number of times to talk about it but I didn’t answer any of his calls because I felt so bad and I didn’t think there was anything more to talk about. He didn’t handle it very well and after sending me a couple of messages, he deleted me as a contact on bbm and bad mouthed me to my friend. He eventually got over it and tried to get back in touch. At first I ignored his attempt but by his second or third attempt I gave in and we both apologised to each other. We still occasionally message each other on WhatsApp. He seems like a genuine and nice guy but as I said before he is just not for me.

From doing this challenge I can honestly say that going on dates with different guys is exhausting and not for me. I’m a one guy at a time kind of girl. I’m not into game playing and I hate leading people on intentionally. I hated the first half of the challenge because I was playing with the emotions of guys who hadn’t done anything to me. I felt better on dates with the ones who knew about my challenge and felt freer with them. Aside from the guy who sent me horrible text messages because I didn’t want to see him anymore (guy A from Stage 18) and an interrogation from guy X (who I didn’t even end up going on a date with) because he wasn’t happy about the post on him, I’ve been lucky enough not to have had bad experiences with the guys. I think it’s definitely good to go on a number of dates before deciding to settle down with one person for the rest of your life. I just won’t advise anyone to date so many people in such a short period of time as I did because you need time to really discover certain things about some individuals. Let’s take John for example, when I went on the first date with him he came across dull and I didn’t think I would ever see him again. He was however polite and kind and remained so even after our date, that’s partly why I didn’t resist when he asked to meet up with me again and the second date was fun. If I wasn’t doing my dating challenge and didn’t stick so rigidly to my list I may have considered a relationship with him because I think he has the qualities that will make a good husband. If I had the courage to tell him about this challenge I would firstly apologise for deceiving him and tell him that he is a fantastic person and I truly believe he will find someone special. He doesn’t deserve anything less.

What I’ve learnt from this experience
I’ve learnt not to ignore my instinct and sense when it comes to dating. I think if we all think carefully we can nearly always tell the difference between the people to give a chance to and the ones who are just simply time wasters. We may get it wrong from time to time but I think our instincts guide us if we listen carefully to it.  I’ve learnt not to stick so rigidly to my wish list and not to be wishful in my thinking. You cannot help some people to be what you want them to be or hope they become. You are just straight up incompatible. No one is perfect and acceptance is key. Due to different backgrounds and life experiences we are all as different from one another as we are similar. It’s just about knowing yourself and what you can put up with and finding someone who doesn’t have traits that exceed your tolerance level. The exterior of a person should always be placed lower than their principals and character when considering them as a potential partner. Respect is very important in relationships as well as communication. One should always seek to understand where the other is coming from before taking things to heart. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. I had high standards and still do, this challenge hasn’t changed that. It has however helped to highlight some things that I need to work on, so Mr Right will know he has found a premium lady when he finds me. I need to be more tolerant, patient and somewhat flexible.

This is not the ending I originally thought I would have. I thought I would have had a dramatic Hollywood style ending; where I’ll reveal my blog site to all of the guys involved and post it on my facebook page and ask if any of the guys I’m friends with on facebook would like to go on the final date with me. I’m glad that didn’t happen. I’m just too reserved to be doing things like this. I am still interested in blogging but not about something that affects me personally. I hope to turn every post into a book. Whether I publish the book or not will depend on what I think of the whole experience after some time away from it.

Thank you so much to all of you who have followed me throughout this journey and left me comments or gave me feedback personally. I hope you all got something out of it, educational or entertaining.



Culled from http://mydatingyear.blogspot.com.ng/

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