3rd Nov. 2012
My dating life over the past month has been very inactive. I haven’t been on any dates to report on and I haven’t been thinking much about dating either. I have however been reading quite a lot of blogs on relationships and read one recently that really got me thinking. Help! He never forgives! As daft as it might sound the blog is just as the title says. I don’t want to go into details about this blog as you can click here to read it. What I will say is that the blog is essentially about a guy who holds malice with people for long periods of time and doesn’t know how to forgive.
I am not about to condemn this guy because I myself posses this bad trait but not to the extent that he does. I tend to give people chances and can be very forgiving unlike this guy but sometimes common pleasantries is all I can offer to some people after getting over what they’ve done to me. Before I get to this stage I go through a stage where the person doesn’t exist to me. I can happily walk pass the individual on the street and not even blink at them because I don’t wish to acknowledge him/her. I will say I am slow to anger so for me to treat a person like this they must have done something terrible to me.
A lot of people commented on the blog of topic and all of them advised the girl in need of help to leave her boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve ever read a blog where everyone who commented had the same standpoint. Not being able to forgive seems to be at the top of traits that can’t be overlooked based on the 39 comments I read. It is usually easier for people to give advice than to follow it out themselves but I sure do hope that they’ll all do the same thing if they ever find themselves in the same position, because it’s not nice being around someone who can’t forgive, not to talk about spending the rest of your life with that individual.
I personally think the guy who can’t forgive is missing out by not ever forgiving. I know there are some people who do not deserve to be forgiven because aside from their wrong doings they never show any remorse for their actions. The thing about forgiving is that it is more beneficial for the person who forgives than the one who is forgiven. It frees you up from a lot of negative feelings and thoughts. It allows you to take hold of the power that holding malice sucks from you. Imagine seeing someone who wronged you on the street and confidently walking pass the person with a smile on your face and having something pleasant to say to the individual. I don’t know about you but I feel so terrible when I’ve hurt someone and yet they are still nice to me. I feel much better when they are horrible to me because I feel like I can somehow justify my wrong doing by their bad attitude towards me.
Another thing about forgiveness is that in some cases when you forgive you reach a deeper level of connection with the person who you’ve forgiven. Some of the people I’m close to now, I’m so happy that I was able to forgive them for their wrong doings and vice versa because they add so much value to my life; more than the people who’ve never wronged me. One thing I have to highlight here is that different things upset different people. There are some things that offend some individuals that make me want to say: ‘you have nothing better to focus your energy on, that’s why you can take offence to such a thing’. I also get offended over some small things that I’m sure some people consider as petty.
Not being able to forgive is definitely a trait I won’t overlook. The thought of being with such a person seems so painful and deadly. There are a number of other characteristics that I wouldn’t have overlooked a few years ago but now will turn a blind eye to. The older I get the more I see the need to accept people for their strengths and weaknesses, so some of the things I wouldn’t have stood for before I might overlook them now because I know there’s more to people than their bad actions. If an individual falls way short of the level of credibility I like in the people I keep around me then I just need to walk away from the friendship/relationship.
I found a list of 10 personality traits you will be hated for which doesn’t include the inability to forgive. I wouldn’t put the traits in the order the author has, so I recreated my own list and order. Please see both lists below.
Steven Aitchison’s list (click here to read more about each trait):
- Inability to forgive – I didn’t know people could actually be like this until reading the blog. I’m not perfect. I will make mistakes so I need my partner to be a forgiving guy
- Dishonesty – I know everyone tells lies every once in a while. I just can’t stand those people who lie to you when they know you know the truth or those who never own up to things that they clearly did
- Unreliable – People who are always unreliable are selfish and disrespectful. I cannot build a future with such a person
- Users – I can’t stand people who believe everyone on this planet has been sent to serve them in one way or another. They abuse your kindness and don’t even understand that you’ve shown them kindness because for some reason they think it’s their right to claim whatever you’ve given them or helped them with
- Condescending– I think we are all to an extent condescending but those people who always bring people down because they are so up there in their own eyes are difficult to be around
- Domineering – I personally dislike this trait in women more than men because controlling women seem to be more conniving than controlling men
- Pessimism – I actively try to be positive at all times so it really irritates me when some people always speak negatively. Life is not perfect but there are also good things in the world. I know pessimist tend to be the way they are because they are trying to protect themselves from being hurt, which is understandable but they should please try to keep their method of withstanding pain to themselves, not everyone likes that method
- Temperamental – I usually try to avoid such people but I’m not able to in every area of my life. I am still praying for strength to deal with this type of people
- Rudeness – It really doesn’t cost much to be polite. I understand that we all have different tolerance level and some people are provoked into being rude. It’s the people who are constantly rude even when they are not provoked that I can’t stand
- As for conceited and arrogance – I’m not too bothered by these traits but I don’t think I could be with a guy who possesses the traits. I’m ok with a guy being a little bit over confident but when he is too full of himself I don’t think there will be room for me in his life.
- Dependency – I can’t see myself with a guy who is overly dependent. I didn’t grow up around such men so it’s not a quality I associate with men who have a place in society.
I personally will not overlook the first 5 traits on my list but I could probably deal with diluted forms of the other traits.
What traits can you overlook?
Culled from http://mydatingyear.blogspot.com.ng/