Those of you who follow my blogs or have read blog 16 will know that there are certain features and characteristics that I want in the guy I settle down with. Throughout my dating process I have kept my list in mind, even though I have learnt a number of things along the way which I believe are much more important than my list.
To reiterate if you haven’t read blog 16, the things I had on my list are: kind, mature, clean, respectful, DIY, very ambitious, tall, between 27-35 years old, well paid and a God fearing man. Right until recently I hadn’t found anyone who ticked everything on the list, not until I met guy B a few weeks ago.
When guy B first approached me I actually thought this is the kind of guy I’m looking for based on his physical appearance. He had a suit on. He was tall and approached me in a respectful way. He also came across quite down to earth and humble. We arranged a date not long after and went for a meal and saw a play at the West End.
When we sat down for the meal he changed. He became very serious and the playful side that I saw in him when I first met him disappeared. I even mentioned to him that I feel like you’ve turned into a different person all of a sudden and he said it was because he wanted me to see a serious but not office like side to him. I didn’t like that because that’s not who I met. Throughout the date he did and said all the right things but the more he tried to impress the more turned off I became.
I went to a wedding with him the following day and that went well and I actually liked him more on that day. He helped out throughout the wedding because he was part of the organising team. I didn’t mind that I was on my own most of the time because he tried when he could to spend some time with me and showed me that he very much wanted to be with me but duty called.
The following day I saw him again and I was back to feeling turned off. I really didn’t understand why, especially as he ticked everything on my list and was doing all he could to show me that he really cared about me. I decided to see him the following day for the fourth consecutive day in hope that I will feel something for him, but like the day before I didn’t and I started avoiding him after that. Whilst I was avoiding him, he was still being a kind gentleman by giving me the space that I had asked for but also tried to involve me in his life by telling me that he is in the process of buying tickets for us to see a comedy show together. As sweet as that may sound, I think it is slightly controlling because he didn’t ask me if I wanted to go to the show or if I was even available. He just dropped it into a conversation that he was buying tickets for us to go to a comedy show. I had to ask who the us was and declined when he said it was me and him.
I have questioned myself over and over again, why am I not into this guy when he has everything on my list and almost desperately wants to be with me. The best answer that I can give myself is that my spirit doesn’t feel happy about him. I don’t understand how you can fall so deeply for someone in such a short time and suffocate the person by making them feel as though they are in a relationship with you within a few days of meeting. What happened to the time spent getting to know each other before deciding to officially be together and no longer date others.
I also felt as though guy B and I spoke different languages because we didn’t understand each other’s sense of humour nor did we really know what motivated each other. In fact there were a lot of things that I just felt could not be ignored before deciding to be with someone that he was whole heartedly ready to ignore because he thought we would be perfect for each other.
I don’t know if it’s because we are 6 years apart in age and I’m just not as mature as him yet to see things as quickly as he did, but what I do know from this experience is that as much as it’s important to have a list my spirit must feel at ease when I’m with the guy I choose to settle down with. I really did try to like guy B for the sake of my list but as I created my list and not the other way round I refuse to let my list have full control of my love life.