It’s Over But Hey, Booty Calls?

 

I was shocked! Really shocked when I made an impromptu stop at Tolu’s house, and it was Femi that answered the bell. This was months before she started dating her current boyfriend, Dele. I couldn’t hide my shock, and obviously Femi noticed, as he smiled proudly, before saying “Come in, Tolu is taking her shower. She would be just a minute”. I swallowed hard and went in, took a seat, before noticing that Femi was shirtless and sweating profusely, the air conditioning was working just fine. I smiled, knowing that some action must have gone down, and I was so ready to give Tolu grief over what must have happened. I didn’t want to do so alone, so I sent a text to our other bestie, Zinny and asked her to meet me at Tolu’s place ASAP. While I waited, I went and poured myself a drink from her fridge.

Tolu soon emerged with Femi, both of them properly dressed. Femi was apparently taking his leave, so I entertained myself while Tolu saw him off. “What are you still doing with Femi?” I asked, as soon as she returned “I thought you guys broke up”. She flushed before answering “yes, we broke up but we agreed to remain good friends, didn’t we?” I was not backing down yet “so what has sex got to do with being good friends, Tolu?”. Before she could answer, Zinny was at the door. I was elated, now we could both trouble Tolu. She already knew she was in trouble, and quickly entered narration mode “You guys, breaking up over genotype issue is not easy at all. You know we were already talking marriage plans. Fine, it’s over between us, but I can’t stop myself from loving him. You girls have to give me time”. All my trouble-making ginger writhed away, as I could understand where Tolu was coming from.

 

6358385123722115551932418551_couple-breakup-600x399Leaving a guy because he cheated or is stingy or is proud, is pretty hard to do; but ending a beautiful relationship because of circumstances beyond both partners’ control is plain heartbreaking. I knew they were both going to each other for comfort sex, and I could only pray that someone soon came to help Tolu get over him. Zinny, not yet won over, said “but you guys have broken up, you can’t continue sleeping with him. How are you supposed to find love again when you are giving booty to your ex. When a relationship ends, every aspect of it should end. That’s why I don’t believe in exes being friends. If it’s over between us, I don’t know you mbok” That had me reeling in laughter. “Don’t judge if you haven’t been in my shoes” Tolu replied, apparently trying to play the emotional card. Tolu was that one person that could emotionally manipulate you with soft words, sad gaze and a pity-me expression. Zinny wasn’t falling for it though, she continued “if we don’t tell you the truth, no-one else. This thing you are doing might seem like temporary pleasure and might not even seem so bad, since you are not cheating on anyone. But there would be big problem when he announces he now has a girlfriend and everything has to end brutally, or you find a new man, and Femi refuses to let go. That would eventually cause problems in your relationship, and you might end you losing the new guy, and still can’t get married to Femi, so what’s the point?

I have never had to have sex with my ex, so I wasn’t an authority in the topic, but Zinny was. Years ago, she dated this guy she thought the world of. When he was about relocating with his parents and siblings to the US, they had to break up. They liked each other still, but did not want to tie each other down, as no-one knew when Kizito was going to return. After a year, Zinny started dating another guy, but that didn’t go well. She was still smarting from the break up when Kizito returned for a month’s vacation. Young and stupid, she warmed his bed every time he called, and even contemplated getting back with him, since there was now Skype, Smartphones and Social Media. What she didn’t know was that Kizito was in a solid relationship abroad, and when she found out and confronted him, guess what he had to say “I don’t understand this your drama Ezinne, we are not dating! It’s even my girlfriend that should be mad when she finds out about you. You know a relationship can’t work between us, don’t ruin this moment with all these childish drama”. He drew close to kiss her again, but she slapped him hard across the face, and left his home. It stung to know she had just been a booty call, when she thought they were on the verge of getting back together. That was why she never entertained friendships from her exes.

Sleeping with an ex is extremely tempting because they are like a comfort zone, and they know what could turn you on. This is why our parents usually advised that we stay away from sex until marriage; so you don’t have an ex trying to distract you from your partner with memories of great bedroom actions. But, we don’t listen now, do we? I don’t buy the idea of booty calls between exes; if you want to work at the relationship again, then have a talk and give second chances. If there are good reasons why you both cannot be together, please don’t cloud your judgment by warming each other’s beds. If it happens once, we can call that a mistake; but when it becomes a constant, then you are heading for trouble. My friend Tolu, was able to pull away from Femi eventually, but that was after he announced that he was starting to see someone else. She went through another heartbreak and this time, took longer to heal. Fortunately, she did get over him and is now happily dating Dele.

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