Tips to heal

Let the tides flow

Your first natural response would be to cry and that is a healthy response that we encourage. Bottling up your feelings would only keep you in pain and hatred for so long. Crying helps you get it out and helps you heal, so feel free to cry, but please do not go over-board or put your life on hold.

Express your feelings

Tell your spouse how you feel. This is also an important part of the healing process. Learn to start each statement with ‘I’ instead of ‘You’, because when you start with ‘You’, you are on the offensive, which automatically puts your spouse on defense and that would be counter-productive. For example, instead of saying “You broke my heart. You betrayed me. You destroyed my trust. You have ruined my life”, say “I feel so broken hearted. I feel betrayed. My trust is broken. I feel like my life is ruined”. Those words are simply honest and they convene your pain, and put your partner in a position whereby they would do anything to seek your forgiveness, alleviate your sorrow and make you feel better.

Don’t turn tables

The simplest way to turn the tables and give your spouse an edge is to act uncontrollably and real immature like breaking things, bashing cars, throwing dishes and speaking all sorts of profanities. Your spouse would get defensive and hurl words like “This is why i cheated in the first place, you are so hard to live with”. When you act like an unreasonable, uncontrolled person, you give your spouse an excuse to run further a way from you and a way of justifying his or her indiscretions. Keep your hands clean, keep it classy. If you are really tempted to lash out, then you need to leave the environment for a while and get your sanity back.

Resist temptation

In today’s world, most people are driven to retaliate after their spouse cheats, and this is a very negative response. Two wrongs never made a right. Having an affair yourself to show your partner what it feels like to be cheated on or causing a scene at his/her workplace or in church only puts you on the same level with your cheating spouse and validates his/her affair. Your partner would feel less guilty with every vendetta stunt you pull and would only crawl back to old habits. What then happens to your marriage?

Seek help

After the initial stage of hurt, anger, shock and disappointment, you and your partner would need counseling moving forward. Most churches and other religious houses provide these services for free. You think you can work it out on your own, but most likely, your judgment is clouded and you still have a lot of forgiveness to do. A counselor would not only help you make wise decisions, but also help you heal, address the root cause of the infidelity and help you both tackle it, help your spouse become a better person and help your marriage rise out of the ashes like a phoenix reborn. Wouldn’t that be great?