How long should you wait before you sleep with him?

This is the one-million-dollar question that most ladies would want answered. Unfortunately, there is no Yes or No to this question, there are no time lines. All you have got is to follow your instincts and maybe, the leads of your partner.

Speaking from his experience as a one time pursuer of easy sex, Evans, a member of our community, says women are the ones who often mistake sex for more than it is. In his words, men go in pursuit of sex, and then find love. They don’t look at his lady and think, “Oh, what a wonderful wife and mom she would make.” What the guy is thinking is, “Mehn! This girl is hot! See how shapely she is! I wish I could get my hands on those curves.”

That sounds basic right? Well, that is the unfortunate reality of a guy’s thinking. Evans’ story is one in tolerance and hard labour. He admitted that he had never been one to wait on a woman for sex. He was the guy who made his moves early on in a relationship, and if he got lucky, fine, and if not, he was always ready to move on to the next girl, who was ready to give him what he wanted.

He succeeded, until he got to his fiancée, who did not share in this sex on the third date theory. She told him bluntly, she was not going to sleep with him. Evans chinned you and gallantly went on his way, looking for another girl, who would give him what he wanted. He got several, but he always found himself running into her, even when he had had brought some other lady, and she was always so nice and friendly towards him.

He found himself always thinking about her, and from accidentally running into her, he started going to those places she frequented, in the hope that he would find her and start on a new slate with her.

That was where he met the first brick wall in this dating life; she wanted nothing to do with him relationship-wise. There were no codes in this book, even borrowed from his buddies that worked. Nice, friendly but very assertive are the words which describe her the most. She was not budging, until, he made a parasite of himself and everyone started to ask her who he was.

And before she would answer, he would jump in with an answer.

Eventually, she agreed to date him. Evans, who had never lacked sexual companionship, stayed celibate for three whole months, and would have happily extended it, if his fiancé had still refused. For him, he found love in his pursuit of sex.

For Ehis, a buddie, this question is irrelevant. As long as you are on the same page with your lady love, nothing should stop you. If the purpose of your relationship is to have sex from the get go, nothing should stop you from enjoying yourselves, as soon as it is possible.

Ehis is notorious for one night stands, and he just knows the places to pick up those girls. Ask him if he is not afraid of diseases, and his reply never fails, “Na something go kill person.” While true to an extent, at least one should endeavour to make sure that death would not be by one’s carelessness.

However, he is of the view that if you are interested in a meaningful relationship, then you need to lay off sex for a while, at least between three and six months, before sharing your body with your love interest. That way, you would have learnt enough about him, to know if he is worth joining your soul with. During that time, Ehis thinks, you need to keep the guy interested and motivated though, perhaps with some light pecks and side hugs. See, I told you Ehis is a notorious guy.

Ladies, you have heard from two guys; one who has repented from his unemotional sexual forays, and another who is still actively hunting and looking for easy sexual encounters. Now, let’s hear from a Relationship expert, Ryan Browning, cofounder of TLC Partnership, who has been in the business for a while.

Great chemistry is hard to come by, when you meet a guy you click with, all you can think about is having sex with him. Problem number one: Once you give up the goods, you lose the upper hand in the dating power dynamics. See, sex creates a false sense of intimacy, so even if you were iffy about a guy, you’d suddenly crave a commitment.

Now to problem number two: This guy might not be there yet, so while you want to move forward, he’s locked in place. The situation can make you feel helpless because he’s dictating how serious the relationship gets.

During the time before you have intercourse, he’s fully under your spell. The longer you hold off, the more intrigued he will become, allowing you to set the pace and control how things develop. That’s why it’s important to postpone sex for as long as you can…I say at least a month. I know it’s hard to resist when the attraction is so intense, but trust me, it’ll pay off in the end.

Now, the ball is firmly in your court, you want to give up the cookie after a date, at the first meeting, on the third date, on the one-month anniversary, or even one-year anniversary, you are in charge and the guy will ultimately follow your lead.

As for losing a guy because you have refused to sleep with him, believe me, you don’t want that kind of guy in the first place.

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Photo credits:

1. http://www.kamdora.com/

2. http://uptownmagazine.com/

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