Sometimes, there is a need to honour own boundaries as ladies. Assuming, we are self-aware enough to know what those boundaries are. If we don’t, we become a dumping ground for just about anything and anybody. I think that is the height of self disregard.
Like it always quoted, people will only treat you as they see you treating yourself. If you don’t care for yourself, no one will. That’s the only explanation I can find for young people, two people are always seen together, are linked romantically yet they are not dating. It’s called the hook up culture. There is no definition to their relationship. That is kinda common these days even in our clime.
If you are willing to be strung along, there are plenty stringers about now, no commitment, just get what you want to get out of the relationship and bid your farewell or just take a walk.
Sonia was once in that position. Hers was a case of an old flame, who came back in to her life. She had several exes, but this one, was one she still held a torch for, so it was easy to fall into his arms once more.
She fell really hard this time, in fact, more than the first time, they were together. I couldn’t pinpoint whether it was her maturity or the fact that an old boyfriend of hers, still found her attractive. She just fell.
Jide never out rightly asked her out. He just hinted and emmed his way into her heart. She started to align her life to suit his plans, took him to see her friends and parents, when he managed to find the time. They painted the town red with their romance or false romance.
Suddenly, Sonia was no longer available to friends and family. Her life became; work- Jide and that was it. Nothing else, no one else mattered. Everything was given up for the relationship to work this time around.
Like the stringer, he was, Jide soon dropped her after a few months, saying, he needed space. Space for wetin?! To breathe, who is holding his airways? Sonia was devastated. That was when it registered in her mind that perhaps Jide had come back into her life on a revenge mission.
Sonia had been the one to break things up when they first dated as teenagers. She moved onto better things. Well, if revenge was what he came for, the score was even. But her precious time had been wasted.
So as to avoid a repeat of what happened to Sonia, I have brought a checklist of what a man with good intentions will do. If, he doesn’t do half of what is here, he ain’t your man. He is a stringer, RUN!!!!
He is not your man if…
Never told his friends or family and about you
As for his friends, an introduction is a sign that this man is serious, unless all this friends are in on the joke too. Hopefully, they won’t be, but you can tell that a man wants you to be a part of his life when he introduces you to the other people in it.
Deleted his dating app(s)
I tell you for free, that as long as he is still active on any dating app, my sister, he is single and searching and he is wasting your time. He’s not ready to settle down with only you, he’s not your man
He has never planned dates
What sort of man will want to have you plan all the dates, biko, let him plan some, at least to surprise you. A man who’s excited to spend time with you and plan how it’s going to happen is ready to take the next step.
If he’s not ready to commit to more than “hanging out” after a last-minute call, he’s not ready to commit to a relationship. Again, he’s not your man yet.
He hasn’t missed a football match because of you
If he has never done that, you need to check his other options.
He’s always perfect!
That means that all of the things that you wondered about — like why he never invites you to his place, or his exact status with his ex — have been answered. If you’re still worried about surprises, it may not be time to get serious.
And if you have never had an disagreement, even if it’s as little as whether or not the restaurant was really that good, or whether to watch Empire or another soccer game. A disagreement is a sign that neither of you are afraid to get real. And it’s important to know what a man is like when he argues and how he makes up before you make a commitment.
If you can’t deal with the man behind the perfect façade, then you need to get your own man.
Ignited your fire
If the sexual chemistry isn’t there in the beginning, it’s going to be tough to get things going later. Sparks are an important part of any romantic relationship. If there are no sparks, you might want to cast your net further afield.
Brought positivity to your life
Only a man who makes your life better deserves a permanent place in it. If there are more negatives than positives, don’t bother. He’s not your man. Otherwise, you might regret it later.
Proven he’s dependable
You can count on him to call regularly and show up right on time, when he makes plans. If he’s too busy to see you as a priority, he might be too busy to follow through on a commitment. And that’s all that matters!
The above check list should help you decide, if you have got your own man or you need another.
So, what’s your answer and share other criteria, you might have. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.