Apart from the usual culprit, the devil, who is often blamed for every misdemeanour, here are the real reasons a man strays, and it is coming from the most unlikely source, the other woman, into whose arms he strays. Sometimes, they find their way home, and sometimes… you can fill in the gap.
Okay, we can go sanctimonious and question the moral right of these ‘other’ women to talk, but really I’m quite interested in the workings of the mind of a mistress. What gives them hope? What makes them love a man they know does not belong to them and at times, will never be theirs? They can have him but not his name; have his baby, but not his presence. Some other women will always take precedence over them. What feeds their love? It almost sounds like a selfless kind of love, don’t you agree?
But they are she-devils, right? They make another woman cry, and children suffer lack of attention from their father. Well, these reformed ex-mistresses decided to share from their wealth of knowledge, what makes a man stray.
Tessy is now married with grown up kids, but she had once been the other woman. Her story:
“I started dating James, after a chance meeting with him at the market, of all places. He wanted to buy meat, and was bargaining poorly for the portion he wanted to buy. Seeing that he was about to be seriously cheated out of some serious cash, I stepped in and bargained on his behalf, even though the butcher was, by now, quite furious with my interference.
In the end, I followed him round the market to get everything on his list, and that was how we got talking. His wife had just given birth to their third child, via caesarean section. She was still in the hospital, so he had to do the market runs, hence his presence in the market.
I teased him about his poor bargaining skills, and how what he had wanted to spend on meat alone, was enough to buy everything he needed for the pots of soup and stew he wanted to make.
Back then, there were no cell phones, so he took my address and promised to pay a visit with his wife, to show her the woman, who ensure, he wasn’t ripped off.
After he went off, I literally forgot about him. I was happy to have been of help to him. I mean, my life was a busy one. I had just been issued an ultimatum by my parents to bring home a husband, or find somewhere else to live, as all my younger sisters were married.So, James and his new baby were the least of my problem. I had a husband to find for myself, he was married.
However, he came visiting with his and baby, and that was how I became family friend with them o. My parents were surprised that they had told me to bring home a husband, and instead, I became friends with a family.
That friendship soon morphed into more, between James and I. He started to spend time at my house before going home, just to talk. Over time, it became obvious that he was not getting any attention at home, since the baby came.
All his wife’s attention was focused on the baby, and the other kids. Dad was not on the priority list.
At first, it was just talk but it soon became more. At first, I was not bothered, but I had to cut it off, when it dawned on me that I was shooting myself in the leg. Suitable bachelors would see this man with me, and think I was unavailable, when I was actively searching sef. So, I put a stop to it.”
For Temmy, “Dele told me his wife complained a lot about his technique, and his drooping belly. He felt like she was doing him a favour whenever she agreed to make love. So, he stopped wanting to… at least with her!
And he got it on with me, whenever he felt like it, and I was available. I tell you, he was not bad at all! In fact, he has given me some of the best sexual experiences I have ever had. And it was with same dropping belly, which doesn’t get in the way at all.
If only his wife had not made sex a chore or a situation, where she is doing him a favour! By having sex with him, she might have kept him, but no. I will not lie; I used that man very well, before he went back home, due to a guilty conscience. Honestly, some women don’t value what they have got. I don’t think his wife ever knew about me. It was a great affair, while it lasted.
With my husband, whom I married two years later, sex is a priority, and not grudging sex either. We get it on really good, and that hasn’t changed two years later, and if, I have any say in it, it will remain so forever.”
While sex is clearly not the only motivation for a man to look elsewhere, nor is it justifiable, sex does matter to most couples, men especially. When sex starts to lose its spark, you should work it out as a couple, without judgment. If sex between the two of you is no longer pleasurable, find new ways to put some spark in it.
Francesca proffered a weird answer, “His wife depended on him for everything; she had no friends, no outside interests. Her husband was her everything, and soon, that became a burden on the man, who went outside, where he met me.”
In contrast to his wife, Francesca was everywhere! Her life was full, she had plans for the weekend, he even had to schedule his way into her dairy. It hardly ever happened that he would get a call during the day from Francesca, and she would be talking about the cooker not working properly, and how she needed him to come home to fix it now. It never happened.
The fact that she was not readily available to him, unlike his wife, and was not dependent on him, made all the difference.
There you have it ladies. Seemingly little things could trigger a man to go seeking comfort outside. Your own weakness might not have been mentioned, but you know that thing that exasperates, your man and if you don’t know, find out.
In all, make him want to come home always.
Kristine is a member of the The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.