You are dating and you are celibate? Yohoo! That sounds like you are in the 18th century. These days, sex is an acceptable part of relationships, so if you are celibate and in a relationship, you are like tempting fate, telling your other half that you love him but you are not willing to share your body with them in the most intimate way there is. This does not apply to a marriage o.
When a guy starts dating a girl, there might be no pressure for sex; take note, the operating word there is might. But be sure that soon, the pressure to have sex starts to be piled on. Guys expect that a girl should show her love by having sex with them. When that does not happen, then there will be issues, in fact the survival of that relationship may be tied to whether sex happens or does not happen.
You know being celibate is not an easy lifestyle choice, it can make you seem odd but when you have been round the block more times than you care, with more guys than you care to count. You will definitely start thinking about being celibate. The interest here is what is the reaction, if you tell your boyfriend that you are celibate and don’t intend to break it anytime soon, at least, not until you are sure he is the right one and you have the marriage certificate signed, sealed and delivered.
In the meantime, what are the likely reactions of your guy when you tell him that you are celibate, not that you are not interested in sex, just that you want to do it with the right person, but you are not yet sure that he is the one:
Your celibacy becomes a challenge to your guy
This is like waving a red flag in front of a cow; putting a tempting dish in front of a person on a diet. That is wickedness right? Well, that is what your boyfriend thinks when you say you are celibate and you are in a relationship with them, they want to ensure you break the celibacy. Your restraint becomes a feat that must be mastered. All of a sudden, your reasons for going celibate; be it, mental, health reasons or spiritual cease matter, it had to be as a result of some bad relationship choices you made in the past.
So, he sets himself on a journey to conquer all those reasons; make you see him as the right person to have sex with to make you forget why you decided on celibacy in the first instance.
Get ready to be tempted
Yeah! Get ready to be tempted into having sex. It might be a gradual, over-days arousal to get your defences down, that you jump at sex when offered, like a monkey would at the offer of banana. Or your dates can turn into mild sexual sessions. If it is a movie date, then be mentally prepared to be kissed like there is only one chance. From kissing, heavy petting can start, after which it will lead to exactly where he wants, if you don’t stop it. Believe me, if you don’t stop, he will not stop.
He tries to make you compromise
Before we go further on this one, what are the terms of your celibacy, is it complete abstinence from all sexual activities or just that you don’t want any one down in the throne room? Are you open to oral sex?
This is where the job is, if you are open to certain aspects of sex but not all, then you guy will definitely try to make you go farther than you don’t want to. Say okay, you are open to a blow job but not penetration, after giving you the blow job, the penetration might start before you awake from the orgasm of the blow job, unless you can snap out of the euphoria of the sexual act on time. Otherwise, your celibacy is out the window. Even if you are strictly off all sexual acts, he will still try to get you to do something. He just has to try.
He is likely to become petty
What would you expect, he wants something, you are not giving him and he can’t have it outside, if you are in an exclusive relationship with each other. He starts to pick on things that you do or do not do.
All of a sudden, he starts to exhibits traits of passive aggressiveness and suggests that he is angry because you are not doing your job of satisfying him sexually. He will be angry that he is spending time with you, spending his resources and you are a no show at least in the sexual department. Get prepared to face that.
He quits the relationship
Painful but true. Not all guys can go celibate, the fact that you are celibate, means he is forced to become celibate too. And if you are not shifting ground, compromising; then it is a deal breaker, if your boyfriend can’t deal. It is that simple but do not let that discourage you from your celibacy. You started it for a reason, if situations have not changed, then there is no reason to stop. But then it is your call, only you can decide that.
Considering that men are visual beings; stimulated by sight and show visible sign of arousal, it is a hard call for them to be celibate, not that it is not doable. When you find a man, who is willing to be celibate with you and the other conditions are right (like the fact that he is not using your celibacy to hide his own erectile problems and such), then, you have found a keeper. Until then, let not some guy distract you from your personal journey into loving yourself.
It is when you love yourself, that you are able to accept only the best for yourself. Shine your eyes!
Kristine is a straight-talking woman. She has had a three-year stint as an agony aunt with a national daily, dealing with varied relationship issues. She is married with kids and ultimately believes that fear and pride are the Achilles heels of relationships.