Guys, if you believe that your girlfriend/ wife/fiancee telling you Valentine’s Day is not a big deal, you have just shot yourself in the foot. Valentine’s Day is not what? If there is ever anything that is a big deal for ladies, Valentine’s Day is one of them. After birthdays and anniversaries, Valentine’s Day is on the “Do not forget” list.
So, before you rejoice in the fact that your lady understands the dire conditions of the economy, and is not expecting anything for the day, if you get the silent grumpy treatment for days and weeks to come, don’t complain, because you were warned.
Since we have settled the fact that the Valentine’s Day show must go on, how do you make it count? There are lots of options and ways, and the vendors have been burning airtime on commercials to lure you, and give you ideas of what to give your loved ones.
Like the one which showed a husband excitedly spreading rose petals on the floor and bed of their bedroom, with candles providing the only light, only for his wife to come in and just sigh, saying “Again?!” As you can imagine, it was a serious let down for the man. Before you are told “Again?!” in that sour tone, let’s do this right.
For starters, let it be known that the thoughts behind a gift are more important than the gift itself. Many ladies, either married for 30 years or 3, or not even married, always like to think that they are on their guy’s mind all the time, and that can only show in the kind of gift you give her for Valentine’s day.
So, before you start out on your last minutes day savers like; flowers, teddy bears and chocolate filled boxes, ask yourself, what has she been talking about for some time. What is her current passion? Has she been dropping hints about a particular restaurant in town? A park? A pair of shoe, just think, you will find something and when you do something along that line, it will be more appreciated. And if you go with the last minute gifts, it just says one thing; you couldn’t be bothered. So when she couldn’t be bothered, don’t take it personal.
For the singles, like myself, there is need to tread with caution. Try to make the gift you give proportionate to the depth of your relationship. If you make it a really big gift for a relatively new relationship, that could be misconstrued. And, if it’s too small, it says she is not important. Moderation is key here. Again, give it some thought.
While you are at this Valentine’s Day business, don’t even mention the matter of cost. That is absolutely the wrong button to press. Let the economy be in tatters (not really) and be on a tight budget for the rest of February, if you have to. You just must make the sacrifice, for the sake of your relationship.
It was in the early days of my relationship with Nelly that I made this mistake. For Valentine’s Day that year, I had taken her out to this new restaurant in town and we had a really good time, until the bill came and I literally blanched. I wondered aloud what we had eaten to warrant that hefty bill.
My girl nearly died of embarrassment and laid into me, when we got into the car about how on earth I could have done that, did she ask me to bring her to a spanking new Italian restaurant in town? If I had known I was going to bring her here, shouldn’t I have done my home work about their price range?
At that stage, I realized she was right. True, I simply had no idea what their price range was like, and did not prepare according to the size of my budget. I just wanted to impress her. Well, I failed woefully. For months afterward, Nelly did not go out with me. We stayed indoors, watching movies instead. So, no mention of how much this is costing at any point in time.
Compliments.The only way to explain this point is to tell you my experience with my fiancé during the last Valentine’s Day. The Singles Fellowship in her church had organised a Valentine’s Day programme, and they were all asked to bring the people they were dating. Nelly invited me, I accepted, and went to pick her up for the programme.
As she stepped out of her house, all I saw was a queen in a fire red dress. Honestly, I was stunned by her beauty, and I started to gush at the dress, at her figure in it, and even her make up, which was on point as usual. I even went as far as asking her when she bought the dress.
All the while I was gushing, she was staring at me like, “Guy, what are you talking about? This same dress?” When she opened her mouth to ask me if I didn’t remember buying the dress for her, as a birthday present, I just shut up and drove us to the venue of the programme. Imagine, I didn’t recognize a dress that I had bought myself for her! It was not funny.
Now, you have to be careful with compliments. If you are not sure about having seen the dress she is wearing before, kindly avoid talking about it, before you start a war.
Go for safe, nondescript compliments like, “You look really lovely”, Or “Babe, your perfume is alluring” See, no war, no complaints, just joy.
Lastly, don’t forget about the day all together. It is on Sunday and, for the guys who plan to attend all the services in church that day, and even seeking night vigils in addition, good for you. When your lady doesn’t have time for you, from Monday, don’t complain oh!
Happy Valentine’s day in advance.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.