The Love Lint – Relationship Forum and Dating website in Nigeria › Forums › 30+ and Single Forum › The Truth About Why You Are Not Yet Married
March 9, 2016 at 12:12 PM #3916
Have you ever spent time with a toddler?
Toddlers live in their imagination. Toddlers live in a world based on pure fantasy. Most of all toddlers and all about want. “I want water now. I want food now. I want ice cream now. I want to play now!”
Have you ever tried rationalizing with a toddler? From experience, I’m telling you it’s almost impossible. For example, my daughter didn’t like sleeping at my house. It took me about a month to get to the real reason. The first reason she offered was “just because.”
“That’s a good reason,” I thought. Then gradually we got a little deeper and deeper, until she finally revealed it was because she wanted a room like the one she has at her mom’s. Trying to reason with a child is like peeling back layers of an onion. And do you know what…
The reason most of you aren’t married is because you date like toddlers, and you suffer from the whole princess fantasy. Right now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine the kind of man you’d like to date. Close your eyes and allow your mind to drift to picture of your ideal man.
Is he tall? Is he successful and rich? Is he going to sweep you off your feet and save your from a purgatory of being single?
I’ll say it again. Most of you aren’t married because you date like a toddler. Your wants and desires are like the wants and desires of a toddler. You want a man to fit a complete template, when in reality no man can ever tick all your boxes. Not every man can be rich, tall, a great communicator, an amazing lover, and the perfect father.
Love has to start with a spiritual journey from within you. Before you can find love, you have to surrender to yourself first. If you surrender to yourself, you free yourself to on the spiritual path of love — because that’s what love is. Love is a spiritual, soulful connection between two people. You’ll find the best connections you have are never based on qualities like money, looks, or success, but what’s inside.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you to date someone you’re not attracted to. What I’m trying to tell you is that love is a spiritual journey between two people. Until you’ve gone on a spiritual journey yourself through the art of self-love, and until you know what makes you happy, you’ll never find true love. Until you understand yourself, you’ll remain unmarried and angry like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
The second thing I need you to think about is how you describe being single. How many of you use negative words or phrases? How many of you say things like…
“There are no good men out there anymore. I’m too old and nobody wants to date me. Men are cheats. I’m not loveable. I’m not attractive enough to get a good man.”
Most people start with a negative. They talk about not being married as something that’s so negative.
I look at my situation and say, “I’m not married right now because I choose not to be. I choose to be by myself. I choose to understand everything about myself. I choose to look at my past relationships without anger or resentment, and instead look for the greater message I received from them.
I’m choosing to process my past relationships, so that I’m 100 percent ready to love someone again. I choose to wait until I find the person I truly connect with spiritually, and when they arrive, I’ll be so grateful.”
Love is a journey, not a destination. Love is a connection between two souls. Love isn’t based on selfish wants and desires. Love isn’t like a toddler and you can’t date like one. It can’t be about you all time. When you look away from a toddler for a second to check your phone or something, they look at you as if it’s the end of the world.
Some of the women I coach start out like mini toddlers. They want someone to pay attention to them the whole time. They’ll only date a man who devotes all his time to them, AND fits their perfect template of a man. You should read some of the online dating profiles I see from women. I see things like, “You must be loyal. You must be fit. You must be a good kisser. You must want a family. You must want marriage.”
So many women make marriage the ultimate goal before they’ve even met the guy. Too many make it all about what they want, rather than thinking about what they can offer a man. Change the “you” to “I.”
“I must be loving. I must be loyal. I must be open.”
Read though your online profile if you have one, and how many times do you use the word YOU? Don’t get me wrong, I know all online dating sites ask you about your perfect match, but you have to get out of the princess mentality, and you have to stop acting like a spoiled toddler.
If you don’t you’re only ever going to attract man-babies, and men who aren’t emotionally evolved. All you’ll ever attract are the men who fear commitment, and who don’t satisfy you emotionally or mentally. In order to find love, you need to succumb to love. In order to find love you need to surrender to love. You need to open your own heart, and surrender to every single person you’re with.
If you’re with a man who isn’t for you, you’ll know it right away. If he isn’t for you, leave him. Love isn’t about changing someone. Love shouldn’t be a struggle. It shouldn’t be work. Sure, it can be a challenge at times, but in the end, its two people heading toward the same goal, of surrendering to each other.
If you don’t surrender to someone from the get-go, you’re going to have battles the whole time. You’re going to have battles and emotional struggles. Stop trying to change people. It’s not your job to work on someone else. The only person you should be working on is yourself.
You can’t use sex to keep him, or get him to see things you way. It starts with loving yourself, and most of you don’t do it enough, which is why you’re single. Being single is a beautiful journey into self. Being single can take you on a journey into the deeper part of your soul. The minute you feel a struggle, go deeper. Walk through the fear. The moment you feel fear, do something and walk through it. When you walk through fear, you’ll be able to love as you’ve never loved. You’ll be able to love as you’ve never loved because you’ll now accept and honor the beauty of who you are.
I want you to look at dating in a completely different way. I want you to look at marriage in a completely different way, and I want you to stop dating like an angry frustrated toddler. Don’t throw anymore dating related temper tantrums. Don’t go out and be with someone that’s no longer good for you, and stop wasting hours with your friends analyzing relationships that didn’t work out.
Stop trying to force love. It’s like a toddler trying to fit a square into a round whole. A toddler doesn’t have full rationalization skills, and neither do most people that date. I see it every day. I see people dating partners who are so badly matched it’s untrue, yet they try to force it to work. You can’t make things right. They have to happen naturally.
It’s time to start dating like an adult, but not just an adult, but as an enlightened adult. You need to date like an adult with a real intent to love and honor another. I love all of you, and I want you to find someone special, so please join me on this beautiful journey to find real, adult, spiritual love.
Culled from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-wygant/youre-not-married-because_b_5567346.html
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