The Love Lint – Relationship Forum and Dating website in Nigeria › Forums › Divorce Forum › Reasons Couples Divorce After Less Than A Year
November 9, 2015 at 11:20 AM #3060
It’s easy to lose count of the number of celebrity couples who rushed into marriage and then promptly filed for divorce just months later. But that doesn’t only happen in the make-believe world. We all know someone (or have a friend who knows someone) who walked down the aisle only to divorce not long after. What happened, one can’t help but wonder. They divorced so quickly, they had to have had some doubts, some understanding that there were problems in the relationship — and if that’s the case, why did they go forward with the marriage in the first place? Now, that’s the question.
Many short-lived marriages begin because couples assume things will change for the better once they’re wed, says Terri Orbuch, a therapist and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.
“They think, once things settle down, once he gets a job or we live together, things will change. He will not do this or that. She will be different,” Orbuch told the Huffington Post. “They assume the problems they’re having are a result of them not living together, the stress of planning a wedding, or not being settled or fully committed yet, when it’s the core relationship between the two people that’s the problem.”
“They just might be incompatible,” Orbuch explained, “When it dawns on them, that’s when you see couples divorce.”
This question of why couples divorce after mere months of marriage was at the heart of an Ask Reddit discussion Tuesday. Read the 10 most revealing responses from those who were married briefly below.
1. “I’ll spare you the sob story: We were together for four years. I had reservations but due in part to some past issues with my family, I went ahead and married him. He was all I really had and I relied on him too much. When I wanted to wait (he was seven years my senior) to marry, he told me how much he loved me, and how it would work because we belonged together. I believed him because I loved him. Six months in, he cheated. It was the first time in our entire relationship. We tried to work on it afterward but he forgot our first year anniversary because he was out with her yet again. I asked for a divorce and was finalized this past December.”
2. “I went through with the wedding because I loved her, obviously, and I thought she loved me. I mean, she ‘proposed’ to me, albeit in a messed up way: She guilt tripped me into proposing. (Yep, I’m an idiot.) What happened after we married? She became a different person. She was never home when I was and always with friends. She stopped paying rent and other bills. I had to pick up the slack. She got ‘mugged’ so I gave her my credit card so she could get necessities like gas and then she goes and spends thousands on irrelevant junk. When she left me, she keyed my car and told me she had met a guy at a bar a while back. We were together for over eight years before we married and all that happened just a few months in. I shouldn’t feel loss after she left me, but it still hurts a year later.”
3. “I married him because I felt so happy to be part of a big loving family since my own is deeply dysfunctional and abusive, and I’ve mostly cut them off. He had been saving for years to buy a home before we met and was happy that an extra income would get him to that goal sooner. We agreed to start trying for a baby about six months after the wedding — nevermind that he didn’t have sex with me anyway or care about fulfilling my needs in that department in other ways. This situation didn’t change, and he would sometimes harangue me about why I wasn’t pregnant yet … I finally left when he yelled and swore at me, calling me names in the middle of a crowded restaurant at a friend’s toddler’s birthday party. The best I can figure out, he got cold feet on the home-buying and baby-having front after the wedding and just never had the guts to actually enunciate that. He just passive-aggressively undermined everything and became increasingly bitter and nasty.”
4. “My ex-husband and I had been best friends for seven years. According to everyone we knew, we were soul mates. We finally started dating, then moved in together. We were madly in love and after a year or so, we said our ‘I dos.’ One month after we were married he went out drinking with some friends. He tried cocaine…and that was it. He became a severe alcoholic and drug addict. He drained our accounts, stole every penny, destroyed our house, violently threatened me and finally disappeared. Then he overdosed and spent months in rehab only to continue his habit the minute he got out. This sounds like a trashy love story, but he was actually from a wealthy, upper-class family and very well educated. His behavior was a complete shock to all of us. We were only married eight months from ‘I do’ to our day in court for our divorce. He is still a junkie and it still breaks my heart to this day.”
5. “Long story short: she started loving someone else. That was the worst 90 days of my life.
6. “My ex-husband thought that our marriage certificate gave him license to treat me like property and do whatever he wanted. He blatantly disregarded my feelings because I was ‘stuck’ with him. Wrong. It was definitely a shitty situation, but I learned a lot. Like, if a guy stalks you and sabotages your PC in order to get a date, he’s probably not fit for dating. (I was 18 at the time, what can I say…)”
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