The Love Lint – Relationship Forum and Dating website in Nigeria › Forums › 30+ and Single Forum › If You Haven't Had Sex In A While, You Understand These 16 Cravings
March 30, 2016 at 9:33 AM #4038
Sex is a wonderful thing – but sadly not something that everyone has on tap all of the time, least of all those who are single.
Of course, there is always the option of hook up sites and one-night stands, but even those require some effort and aren’t to everyone’s taste.
So, when it comes to getting jiggy in the sack, sometimes it’s just easier to sit it out and focus on more the easily available things in your life, like wine and Netflix.
Haven’t got down in a while? You are not alone, here are 16 things you only know when you haven’t had sex for ages.
1. You don’t miss it as much as you thought you would
Make no mistake, the burning desire for a good bunk up comes in waves but, sometimes, the longer you go without it, the easier the seems to be to ignore.
2. Or you really miss it
And suddenly find your local greengrocer/postman/dads golf partner devilishly handsome.
Move along please, nothing to see here.
4. You have more hair on your body than you thought possible
Because, while we all pretend to maintain a level of personal grooming for ourselves, we all know the truth is that, without anyone seeing you naked, the fact that you have pubic hair on your knees is of little consequences.
5. You start buying your underwear with your weekly shop at M&S
A loaf of bread, a packet of mange tout and three pairs of knickers please.
6. The thought of somebody putting their tongue in your mouth starts to gross you out a bit
And you turn into a sexual Benjamin Button – things that were once perfectly adult and normal now either make you squirm or giggle.
7. You suddenly ‘get’ porn
And are thrilled to discover that you RedTube doesn’t give your Mac viruses.
8. Or don’t even need porn
Because you’re in such a constant state of horniness Eamon Holmes reading Sky News makes you tingle.
Shower – check, teeth – check, wank – check.
*Suddenly understands what it feels like to be a man*
10. You start to run out of re-run fantasies
Because there are only so many times you can get off on the memory of that one-night stand in Ibiza last August.
11. But start having crazy dreams
About having sex with your first geography teacher on a marshmallow mountain in Montenegro surrounded by purple unicorns.
12. Your friends turn into comedians
And can’t wrap up a phone call without adding a ‘hilarious’ joke about deserts, droughts or things closing up.
13. You start telling people you’ve become celibate in order to ‘re-discover your inner goddess’
Cause, it’s *totally* your choice. Really.
14. Food takes on a whole meaning
The anticipation, the consumption, the after glow – of a 12″ thin and crispy.
Who needs orgasms?
16 things you only know if you haven’t had sex in a while
15. You start realising how many phallic objects there are in the world
And can hardly walk through the perishable section in Sainsbury’s without blushing.
16. You start resenting nuns
At least they get expenses.
Culled from http://metro.co.uk/2016/02/09/16-things-you-only-know-if-you-havent-had-sex-for-ages-5663623/#ixzz44NAxdBTC
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