Love is a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful experience. You’re literally on another plane, when you’re in love. Suddenly, everything looks beautiful, nothings seems impossible. In fact, no one else seems to exist outside of you and your love interest.
Love feeds you more than any nourishment; you feel full in the presence of love. You can get really angry or depressed or happy or whatever it is that you are in front of your lover. And you know it won’t change how they feel about you or even the way you feel about them.
However, even with all this love-in-Tokyo business going on, it takes more than how we feel to connect with partner. It takes communication.
Most people know that good communication is essential to maintaining a happy, strong marriage, or any relationship at that. We also understand that keeping things positive reduces the conflict couples experience.
And when conflict does come, they also know how to resolve conflicts amicably without rancour.
However, a desire to communicate well and actually doing so, are two different things. So, while couples who are in love may spend time talking about the minute details of their lives, does it count as meaningful discussion that builds their relationship? Not necessarily.
So what makes communication between a couple ‘meaningful’? It’s all about being in sync on many different (and deeper) levels. It helps, especially with long term relationships.
I once watched a tape, where a man shared how he daily asks his wife this question; “How can I help you today?”
Sometimes, she asks him to help with a chore, sometimes, she just wants to talk. The fact is that questions connect them in such a basic way that no catch up would have.
So, here are some really simple questions to ask when you are really in love and want your relationship to strive.
It’s a simple enough question, but it’s an invitation for your partner to share what’s on their mind. This is a particularly poignant question when you think there is something bothering your partner.
Take time to ask this question, and look your lover directly in the eye while asking. Include a touch to reinforce your point.
Another way of asking this question is to ask about your partner’s day, say when you meet in the evening.
I was at a forum where popular speaker, Fela Durotoye, shared that the answer, “Fine” to the question of how the day went, is not good enough for his wife, Tara.
Apparently, Mrs Fela Durotoye will be snapping her fingers and asking for details; “So, what happened?” “How do you feel about it? and more questions. She isn’t only interested in how his day went, but his emotions during the day. That way, their connection is deepened.
What’s important to you?
When you know your spouse is trying to make an important decision, ask her/him this question.
Another way to ask it is, “What do you really want?”
To understand your spouse’s thought pattern and her needs, it’s necessary to know their heart-felt answer to this question.
Asking this question invites them to think through and talk about what they value most. This way, you will not be making the decision for them, but allowing them to come to a decision they feels comfortable with by themselves.
Are you happy with where our relationship is going?
Perhaps, it’s too deep a question to ask on a daily basis but this is an important question that every couple should discuss with some regularity.
Review how things have been going between you two over the past few months and determine any mid-course corrections you need to make so that your relationship stays healthy and fulfilling.
What is your biggest fear?
This not a question that you often think to ask, but it’s important to know your partner’s answer.
The world we live in changes fast and in not entirely positive ways. This may cause concerns for your partner.
It’s important to know what concerns are nagging at your spouse, and be open to having a conversation about those worries (even if you don’t feel concerned about the same things).
Whether it’s about a project at work, a conversation with a family member, or the state of global affairs, know what scares your partner so you can help ease his fears.
What would you like to do?
This is a question you ask during your free time, perhaps when you’re planning a date. Going out to eat or on when discussing deeper level goals and direction in life.
Another way to ask this is: “If you could do anything you wanted, what would that be?”
With this question, you know your spouse’s major goals and dreams, thus you work with them to see how to make their wants, desires, and aspirations possible.
These are some of the questions that oil the wheels of love. Truthful answers help to keep a relationship well and alive.
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.