And we still talk a lot; about money; which child needs a new pair of sandals, which of our kids is having challenges reading, what would be the best solution. What cereal the children are now into; how he’s not helping me enough in the house, so you see; we really have plenty to talk about. By the time we are through with the kids talk, there’s no more strength to talk about us, and don’t mention talking about how the day went, because my day almost always parallel that of the kids. His day? Oh yeah! When something extraordinary happens and he still remembers after we have talked about the family matter. Or, he’s bursting with the news as soon as he steps foot in the house, then we get to talk about it. Otherwise, it can wait like so many other to-do later lists I have piled up somewhere.
Falling in love is pretty easy, very east but staying in love is the struggle. It is a choice. My confession, I’m not in love with my husband; that would be like repeating a class, he has changed, I have changed and our connection has changed. It has become a conscious effort to love each other. Love has ceased to be a feeling, an emotion I have no control over to an action that is consciously carried out, because in my heart of hearts, I know that my husband is really the best for me. He complements my shortcomings and makes me smile through my tears, whenever I have my meltdowns. Yes, I do have those moments, when one small statement triggers a whole lot of emotions leading to insinuating statements, defensive stance and the tears on my part. At those times, I forget to be logical and the promise, I had made to myself not to cry again but instead have my reasons handy, as I knew the very logical nature of the person I was up against. But I forget and that’s fine, because if I had, I might not have gotten my way half of the times I have.
The blinders that had stayed firmly in place while we were dating has been definitely removed by now, I see all the imperfections in him, same as he sees mine. His wanting me to make a fresh meal every time, he sits down to eat instead of me heating up something; how I have no choice but to watch whatever he’s watching when he’s in charge of the TV’s remote, and his colourful speech when, he’s angry. I loathe all that but I still love him. I still choose to love him every day that I wake up. And pray to heaven to help me for the day. Another day, another prayer for help.
That prayer means loving him despite knowing all that is good about him, all his flaws, most of his pain( honestly, I don’t want to know all, I will not take the place of God in his life), where he drops is boxer shorts, those things that he is insecure about, all of those things that he is ashamed to talk about even to his own blood, that I see, maybe we have never even talked about it but it exist there between us, not of concern because, I have come to a place of acceptance, because I consciously choose to love him. I see all these things, and I still love him. I still choose him.
And importantly, I hope and pray for him to love me just a fraction of my feelings for him, and that he would do the same for me. For him to take my flaws, faults and all and love them all the same, that when it gets hard, I can be sure, he will always be in my corner. Fighting for me, fighting with me. To choose me back.
However, truthfully, it would not matter, if he did not. My daily decision to love can and would carry us through forever.
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.