I believe that sometimes when we make our own plans and draw out a blue print of what we expect our lives to be like, God in his awesome sense of humour, sits back and smiles at us like “No child, it’s not going down like that”. And I don’t mean it in the negative sense. I believe His ways are ultimately better and far more rewarding than ours, and it helps to trust His guidance and leading. For the most part, I have adopted a ‘never say never’ approach to life, and I believe that nothing is really set in concrete. Things are bound to change….change is only natural and constant. This was the speech I was giving my girl friends two days back when we met up for dinner at one of our favorite spots, just before I announced to them that someone was starting to pull my heartstrings.
Tolu practically fell out of her seat in laughter and Zinny was rolling her eyes at me, waiting on me to tell them I was joking. Well, I wasn’t and I told them just that. Tolu got like “what happened to no marriage until Isabella is eight?” I had to sip on my chapman while thinking of a suitable come-back for Tolu. You see, I did say I didn’t want to get married till Isabella clocks eight, and that is only because I believe that, at that age, she would better understand the term; step-dad and also be more open to the idea of sharing me with someone else. Right now, in Isabella’s head, it’s me and her against the world and I don’t think she would let her guard down easy and allow someone else into our world at the drop of a hat. That is asides the fact that she believes all is well between her dad and I, and that soon, he would come home. But hey, I never said anything about marriage! I have only met someone recently who I think I just might like enough to date. Now, dating is one thing, marrying is another.
Take things slow
I know that society believes that a twenty-eight years old girl like me should jump into the arms of any man that looks my way, but I am sorry; I ain’t desperate like that. I believe in taking my time to get to know Mr. Potential better. I look forward to marrying someday, and I want to make sure that if and when I do, it is for the right reasons, with the right person and for the long haul. So far, we have only gone on three dates and, in as much as we get along really well and he is really easy to converse with, I want to take things one step at a time. There are days when I am eager to see him, but I decline his request for ‘a drink after work’, not because I am trying to play hard to get, but because I do not want to give him the impression that all my claws are out for him. Men like to chase…and luckily, I like to be chased!
We have been out together three times but I can count on ten fingers the things that he knows about me. He knows I am a brand strategist, but he doesn’t know I am Head of Branding & PR for my company, or that I have big organizations that I manage their branding and public image. He knows where I live, but he doesn’t that I own the house. He knows I have a daughter, and that is because I didn’t want to lead him on. If Isabella is too much of a baggage, he might as well move on quick to the next chick. He hasn’t met Isabella though and I plan to keep things that way for a while. If you are single and recently getting back into dating circles, do not go divulging every nitty bitty fact about you. He doesn’t need to know how horrible your ex was or the financial problems you have, or the nasty boss you have to put up with, or about your sick mother and drug addict brother. Anything that could influence him into running away without getting a chance to know you, or make him cling to you because of what he feels he stands to gain, should be relegated to the background. Talk about sports, the weather, newspaper headlines, movies and music etc. Get him to talk about himself more. Maintain that air of mystery.
Nothing says ‘empowered’ more than a woman that wants a man but doesn’t need him. You don’t have to spell it out though, so you don’t appear cocky. It should be in the way you walk, the smell of your fragrance, your hair, nails and make up, your shoes and bag. Ooze class. Ooze confidence. On my third date with Mr. Potential, three of his friends ‘coincidentally’ happened to be at the restaurant he took me too. I say coincidentally because I think it was all planned. I believe he must have bragged about this new chick he has been going out with and the friends wanted to check me out. I knew this and put on my Grace Kelly act, you would have thought I was Gabrielle Union. I chatted on with them for a few minutes and kept them engaged. Now, a quick tip-make sure his friends like you! No guy wants a girl that his friends do not feel like he is scoring points with. It’s their ego at work…your value triples and they chase harder the minute their friends says stuff like “Damn, she is fine’’ or “she is so smart” or “I like that girl”.
Don’t Set Yourself Up For Disappointment
In my first relationship, by the second date, I was already asking how many kids we were going to have and what we would name them, and where we would go to for honeymoon. My naivety at the time was forgivable, I was only seventeen. Of course, the guy bolted and left me confused and sad, but now, I totally get why he ran; I must have scared him to tiny bits. Asides scaring the other party off, you set yourself up for disappointment if you run faster than the relationship and try to bring the future into the present. Let things slide into place. Enjoy going out and getting to learn new things. Leave the honeymoon, parenthood, talk for when he proposes. Don’t tell him how your parents are dying to meet him. Right now, I have a mindset of Que Sera Sera-whatever will be, will be. If he turns out to be a great guy, awesome. If not, it’s bye bye baby, with no hard feelings. While my friends were busy asking “so when do we get to meet this guy?”, I was quick to respond “maybe when he asks me to be his girlfriend, I would think about it”. I don’t want my friends meeting him and coming up with the whole “we have heard so much about you” line that can make him feel like I am moving ahead of what we have, and then put him on the defensive.
I would keep you posted on how things go, and I hope you can let me know if you think that you are falling in love again! Cheers!!