“Before you judge me, because I know you will, let me judge myself. Sex, rather unprotected sex, was what turned me into a single mom. But you know what? I can’t but eat that forbidden fruit. Even though I was mad as heck at my son’s father, for bailing on me, when the going got tough, and merely sneaked in when the storm had cleared, I took him back, because of the great sex we had. We made really cute babies too.
I guess, when the part of my brain that was still inside the cranium was working, was when I gave him the boot and got him out of my life for good, cute baby regardless. He was no good, but I missed the sex terribly. I was so tempted to call him, just for the sake of a romp in between the sheets, but somehow, I was able to stop myself and went without sex for a whole year. Ah, it was pure torture. I was practically twitching, every man looked attractive, and like a sex god to me. I mean, guys that wouldn’t have come on my radar, I started to think of how I could have a quickie with them and then it will be back to status quo.
Okay, the truth was, I masturbated a lot, but no, it was not enough. I just craved a man, simple as abc. As the one year anniversary of my self-enforced celibacy approached, I sort of turned into an huntress. I was out for a man, not just any man, but someone, who was not squeamish about dating a single mom, a fact, which I make known as early as possible in discussion with any guy.
I got one guy, to celebrate my celibacy anniversary with. I got one and it was a really nice way to break my celibacy, but he was not much for hanging around with me and truth be told, he was too much like my ex and I was not interested in hanging out with him. Talk about being attracted to the same kind of men.
So, after a month of sex marathons, in different positions and places, we went our separate ways. No apologies, no hurt feelings, just two adults doing their thing. That whatever I had with my ex-lookalik, was what birthed by introduction to the dating scene, after several years of absence.
And I was surprised at how much had changed, at even how much I had changed. I found that I no longer easily fall for compliments, was more picky (not a really good ide, when you are a single mom, perpetually in heat) and the worst of all, most men out there, are living in dream land, when it comes to what a lady wants in a relationship. It’s like using scarce resources to do an expensive commercial, and then now target the wrong segment of the market. The same way that commercial would fail to achieve its full potential, is the way a guy with a really nice first impression will fail to get a date, because she isn’t buying what he’s selling, as soon as he open his mouth.
Since then, I have had three relationships, all of them physical to a large extent, but there was always a break off point. I wanted more, but they were quite happy with the status quo. Sex with no strings attached, no one to come and tell stories tomorrow about one missing period. I was like a safe choice for them. I didn’t like that. True, I have no plans to be baby mamas to a string of children, one is just enough. And my birth control is almost 90% fail proof, but it still hurts to be considered the safe choice. I don’t want to be the safe choice; I want to be the only choice. Is that too much to ask?
Take Olaide for instance. Before I agreed to date him, there was nothing he did not promise me. I was the only sugar in his tea, oh, my having had a kid did not matter, I would merely have his own too, a suggestion, I vehemently rejected, telling him, until I got married, I would not be considering having another child. That might have scared him, but he did not leave immediately. It was six months down the line that the tune changed. His family would not hear of it. So, we were done.
Edwin would have been the one, except he had no backbone. You could push him here and there, and he would still be asking what else you wanted him to do. I was the boss of him, outside the bedroom, but in there, he mastered me, just that I would have wanted him to be the master outside too. He was too laid back. Fighting with Edwin was like beating yourself up. Waste of time. You can never get a rise out of him. Sorry boo, I wanted someone I could both laugh and cry with, not you.
As for my current beau, he and I know we are just using each other. He wants sex, I like sex, and there are no other better options on the horizon right now, so, I’m managing what I have got, enjoying the sex, and hoping for the best, because, sincerely, my people, I really want to be married someday, sooner rather than later.”
That was Stephanie letting us have a sneak peek into her life as a single mom, and how the taboo subject matter of sex is sorted out. We can turn our noses up at her, call her names, ostracise her, but in the end, she did not become a single mom by herself.
Her partner in crime does not have to deal with as much grief as she has had to. Instead, let’s pray and hope that she finds her own man soon.
Stephanie has issues she needs to deal with. I mean, you know you attract losers and you still manage them. Whatever for?
Babe, you need to wise up!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.