The first time to have sex should ordinarily be a momentous occasion, not necessarily for it awesomeness, because I kid you if I say it will be a great experience. It gets better as you try. If it’s not awesome, at least it should be a memorable one, because of the person you had sex with for the first time. That is what I think.
Not everyone agrees with me. Folake just wanted to get it over and done it. Her virginity was turning her into the butt of jokes amongst her friends, who had started having sex since forever and they also enjoyed sharing their experiences in the “other room” with her. Even though they all knew it was wrong.
So, due to peer pressure, Folake went searching for a guy, any guy, to break the hymen. These same friends of hers found her the ideal candidate. He was supposedly an expert at breaking hymens, gentle and all…at least her friends said so.
The deed was done during a weekend, when she was supposedly studying for her University admission exam, which she was doing for the second time. Given all the reputation that had followed him, she didn’t expect a painful experience, but it was and she bled so much too.
That was the last time she had sex till she got married, and the last time she had anything to do with the friends who had urged her on. If only she had done it earlier, she wouldn’t have had to go through that first time with any random guy she didn’t even fancy.
Unlike Folake, Rolly was a self-aware teenager, who was also raised by a strict single mother, who hammered into her, her own story and how she ended up a single mom, all thanks to a random sexual encounter, that resulted in her being pregnant as a teenager.
So, from the very beginning, Rolly was against any form of sexual intercourse. She didn’t date, she didn’t have boys as friends, even though they would have liked to be friends with her. Rolly was a beautiful teenager, and quite well developed for her age.
She ensured the boys stayed clear of her in secondary school but it was a different matter in the university. She fell in love with Tutu, after turning down several guys, in the University, and it took several months before she agreed to have sex and then she was paranoid about not getting pregnant, more than even getting any sexually transferred diseases.
When they finally had sex, Tutu was surprised that a girl as beautiful as Rolly was still a virgin and he just became besotted with her. He wanted to see her every day. He became overly possessive of her, wanted to have sex all the time, something Rolly did not find as entertaining as he found it, and that was what caused the end of their relationship.
Rolly had some other sexual partners before she got married but when asked if who dis-virgined her mattered, she often answered with a shrug, “Not really. I just liked the fact that he was a guy who was really into me. After we had sex, he would look at me with wonder, like I was a rare breed, and perhaps I was, but was it that important? No. If it had not been him, it would have been some other guy, so, it’s all well and good.”
Yomi, a community member, weighed in and said this, “As a general thing, no it probably doesn’t. But if you want it to mean something, then go for that. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend, and it really did feel like it made a difference losing it to her versus some other babe. It was more intimate and more than just the act of sex, we spent the whole weekend together having sex, cuddling, playing video games.
For me it was important to lose it to someone I was attracted to, enjoyed being around, and wanted to be with romantically. And that was exactly what I did.”
Another guy, Chinedu, shared his experience, “I was definitely what you might consider a “late bloomer.” When I was younger, I was exceedingly shy around women and insecure about my weight, and I put no effort into my appearance whatsoever. I had acne and was generally shy with everyone and everything.
Although none of these traits helped me in my search for the girl, who was going to be my first, I was more worried about the fact that, out of my buddies, I was the only one who hadn’t taken the plunge. It was a sore point, as my friends, who had been having sex for years and years, enjoyed tell me about their conquests and how easy it was to get a girl to sleep with.
Short of telling me to get a prostitute, there was nothing I wasn’t urged to try but my shyness firmly stood in my path.
Luck smiled my way, or so I thought, when I got my first girlfriend, or rather when she decided I was going to be her boyfriend. I didn’t mind, it boosted my rep amongst my friends seriously. But the thought of her being the first girl I would be with, was constantly on my mind. I woke up with it on my mind and I would sleep with the thought of how I was going to perform, when it was time.
It wasn’t as if every time I looked at my girlfriend, I thought, “Man, I could totally have some sex with her,” but each interaction was definitely tinted with how likely it was that this woman would be “the first.”
Long story short, she soon dumped me, and it was with another girl that I had my first sexual experience. Let’s just say, I fumbled. At least, I know I did now, but then, I was so buoyed by having finally had sex, and that the heckling of her buddies would stop.
Do I remember her? Yes, she was one scrawny girl. I forgot about her after that time, but guess what, several years past, we met again, had sex again, this time it was glorious. Today, we are married.”
Phew! What stories! For me, the only reason it matters who you lose your virginity to is, let it be at least someone you can remember and smile, not cringe and mouth, “What was I thinking?”
Stay in love!
Kristine is a member of The Lovelint team. She is a down to earth person, who says it as it is. Having given relationship advice for years in a national daily, she has found out that fear is one of the main reasons holding people back from enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. She is married with kids and is willing to listen to you and help as much as you let her to.